how do you tell someone their drinking is killing their relationship with out offending them?

Answer 1

I don't think you can.

Most folks who drink get pretty damned defensive about it. So if you mention it within the context of it being a problem, better be set for some defensive behavior. And yes, you will offend the person.

But the question you need to ask yourself is this... Will saying something about the drinking change it? Will the person stop drinking just because you say something? Probably not. I'll bet that happens in maybe .0001% of cases.

So if you come to terms with the fact that saying something isn't going to change anything then you have to wonder if it's worth it to say anything.

The blunt fact is that you can't stop somebody from drinking. You can't make them drink and you can't stop them from doing it. The only thing you can really do is take care of yourself. You can do what you can to minimize the damage you experience from the other person's drinking.

You should be able to find an Al-Anon meeting near you somewhere. Go to one. They talk about this very thing at those meetings. Al-Anon isn't for the alcoholic, it's for those affected by alcoholics. Go there and hang out with others who are struggling with the same question you are.

Good luck.

Answer 2

They already know. But people who are drinkers, alcoholics, they can't stop their drinking no matter what you tell them. The alcohol comes first. I have known several drinkers in my life and this was always the case. Even if they are aware how bad their drinking is and their behaviors are, many times they will choose alcohol OVER you, family, kids, everything..because they are addicts. I think the only hope you have is to give the person the ultimatum, either you get help with AA (which I hear is very good), or it is over. Why worry about offending them? Do they worry about offending you with their drinking? Best of luck.

Answer 3

Ok, if you value the person enough to want to keep the relationship alive then you DO NOT worry about insulting them. A person addicted to alcohol is not considering those around them which is an insult to family and friends. An alcohol addict is already in a semi-dream state. They need shocked BACK into reality. When they've been sober for 5 years, then apologize for being rough with them. Until then, save their life by getting them cured.

Had my own problems, it did not take kind words to cure me.

Answer 4

Don't worry about offending them. They are offending you by being a drunk. If they love you, they will cool it on the drinking for you. If not, find someone more worthy.

Answer 5

Actually, if it's already creating problems, it's past time TO offend them - to tell things straight out, right in their face, even have an intervention. People too often just pussyfoot around problems, and end up enabling a problem drinker or alcoholic.

Answer 6

You can't. It will offend the drinker, because the drinker won't believe you. It's never the drink or the drinker!! It's always someone else, and in this case it will be you, since you bring it up. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Most likely you can't. If someone is drinking that much, they are probably an alcoholic, even if just a "weekend" alcoholic. They are an addict and addictive personalities are only truly helped by themselves, and then only when they are ready. As the saying goes, "denial" isn't just a river in Africa...K ;o)

Answer 8

You would be doing them a favor by telling them straight up! It might save more than their relationship; it might save their life.

Answer 9

how to tell someone that drinking is whats keeping them from killing you in a relationship....cause if I was with you I would have to drink...

Answer 10

Don't say anything. Let them find out on their own if they loose that person.