well my parents got divorced 6 years ago and the switching back and forth has started to create some maddness. i am with one parent for 3 days and with the other for 4. then i am with one for 4 days and the other for 3. it is way too difficult to bring school clothes back and forth and i never know which house i am at.
i have already made a dicision to live with my mom and go to my dads every other weekend but i am too afraid to mention it to my dad. i dont want to hurt his feelings and i dont want him to think that i dont love him. i am in a huge dilema. please help
2007-08-19 10:43:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to show your father what you wrote on here. You are not deserting him, you are just choosing a more organised way to live your life. Im sure he will understand. Just tell him you love him, but your grades are suffering and you feel totally unorganised and out of control. You are old enough to make this decision and personally it shows a lot of maturity. It sounds like your mother and father have a decent relationship, so maybe talk to your mother and ask her the best way to approach it....maybe she could say something to your father to ease the path for you to have a talk to him. Just be honest....that's all you can do. I am sure his disappointment will be short lived after he sees how much more happy you are living a more organised existence.....and you will be seeing him on a regular basis anyway, so he wouldnt be too disappointed. Good luck with this.
2007-08-19 10:51:52 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's a bad situation and it's the children who suffer the most. I love the idea where there is one home where the kids live and the parents do the switching off. It's a little costly but it settles the problem of bouncing the kids around. If this couldn't work for you, you need to explain exactly how you feel to your dad. Let him know that it would be better for you if you had more stability in your life and that even though you choose to live with your mom that it doesn't mean that you don't love him any less and that you do still want to spend time with him. If he's really concerned about your welfare, he should understand and take some of the stress of your shoulders. He loves you so he should understand. Then when you have vacation days from school, maybe you could spend some with him to make up for time lost. It's time for you to do this. You're growing up and will have to start making decision for yourself so start right now. Hopefully everything will work out for you. Good luck!!!
2007-08-19 17:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If my daughters did that yes I'd be hurt. Why not switch 1 week at a time? A friend of mine has that arraignment - works well.
Also, if it's so difficult with school why only every other weekend at your dad's. 6 years and NOW it's a problem? You should be quite accustom to it. Sounds like you have some other agenda skipping some obvious solutions. I don't know your age but you can only ask, not demand.
I feel for your dad. Hope my girls never write this on a Yahoo forum.
2007-08-19 17:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my... Yes, that is a dilemma.
Let's start with this... Your dad knows you love him. Your choice to live with your mom has nothing to do with your love for your dad. That's nonsense and if anybody tries to use that on you, you must call them on it. The fact is, you love your dad, no matter where you live.
Your dad's feelings might be hurt. But it's not your decision that would hurt his feelings. It would be his interpretation of your decision that would hurt his feelings. You're just choosing something that works best for you and in doing so, you can't weight out whose feelings will be hurt. You just weigh out the practical implications of your decision and go for it. If people choose to take it personally, there ain't much you can do about that.
I guess the only way you can confront this is to explain exactly this to your dad. If he chooses to feel hurt, that's his choice. And you can reinforce that it's nothing personal.
Think about it... what if your folks had to switch from house to house every 3 or 4 days? How would that work for them? Maybe you should stay in one house and have the parents switch out every 3 or 4 days? Oh, that wouldn't work for them? Really? Well then, they'll understand why it didn't work for you.
Life has enough complications without taking responsibility for the feelings of others. You do what you do for reasons that are sound and logical and don't worry about how others interpret your decisions. You may need to help clarify things for people here and there but in the end, it's on them how they end up feeling about things.
I hate guilt trips. Don't forget, nobody can make you feel guilty unless you allow them to.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
2007-08-19 18:11:21 · answer #4 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You Dad will probally be relived that you have made a choice. Both your parents probally don't want to push you in either direction since they both love you so much. It's ok to have made this choice. Both your patents will probally like to get busy living with a more arranged situation also. They may not want to make you feel like you have to choose between either parent and this is why they chose this sit up. All the same it is a mess and you have the right to be settled so, your Father is an adult and trust you me, he can take the news that you are going to stay with your own Mother. And if he can't then he might need some growing up to so. Glad that the kids today are sometimes more grown up then adults. Good for you on making a wise decsion and now stand by it. Go for it and God bless you.
2007-08-19 17:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by SecretUser 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just lay it all out with your parents---tell your Dad how much you love him but its too difficult to go back and forth too much..he will understand. Girls have a tendency to want to be with their mothers and thats ok, let your Dad know you will see him every other weekend and both of you make a special effort to call each other more and stay connected more than ever.
Talk to your parents and say that it will be better for EVERYONE if you work together, and not be bitter and angry with each other--encourage your parents to go on with their lives--you will be happy if they are happy people. Good luck.
2007-08-19 17:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by skyward 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to choose between them..... you just have to do what's best for you and if you're old enough to make this decision then just sit down with your dad and tell him how this makes you feel.... that you're stressed out, shuffling your stuff from one place to the other, etc...... it's REALLY uncomfortable.
You won't believe this, but when I moved out from my mom's at 24 she was not that offended but wanted me to spend EVERY weekend with her. I did for a few years but then I started dating more seriously, and I needed time for myself, so I told her I'd see her only every other weekend and we didn't need to talk over the phone everyday.............. and she was sooooo offended!!! She's all by herself now but still, I've got my own life to live! I had to have a looong conversation with her but she finally understood.... and stopped being mad because I didn't visit her that often anymore. She's a woman anyway, so I'm sure your dad won't feel hurt and will understand you because by moving with your mom you will help you feel better, and that's all he wants: your well being! Good luck.
2007-08-19 17:55:53 · answer #7 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a really difficult situation, and I feel for you. Why don't you try to bring both your mom and dad to a meeting and explain to them both that the current arrangements isn't working out? Maybe all of you can figure something out together that will satisfy everyone and not hurt anyone's feelings.
2007-08-19 17:50:51 · answer #8 · answered by drama_queen 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand.....ok so first ask your mom's advice on how to handle this.
She may be able to "break the ice" about this subject to your dad and it will be a lot easier then for you!
Don't try to be the adult in this situation because you're not the adult - being an adult is a lot more than just driving a car and having money, it's also about facing the really ugly and hard stuff nobody wants to face.
2007-08-19 17:47:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ok, for one a girl should be with her mom she has things she needs 2 teach you still, "And know im not old im only 18 so i kno sut im talkin about i went thru the same thing." for 2 just tell your dad you are gona live with your mom, its not that you love her more its just you need her 2 teach u 2 b a woman, he wont be mad and if he is, he is being selfish and dosnt care about what you want. Good Luck
2007-08-19 17:59:08 · answer #10 · answered by dresbaby 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋