if husband is known to cheat and lie, is it an eye for an eye??

Question

My husband has always has his way with the ladies. Over the last year i have found out some things he has done and then lied about. I have never cheated. EVER. I have asked him to come clean, and i think he has to a certain degree, but still left some things out. So i find out from others that have absolutely no reason to lie, and since hubby has lied to me soooo much i cant trust him. So one of his lines in an email o a female was what i dont know wont hurt me. So im thinkin, k if thats how its gonna b ok then. So is this a case of an eye for an eye?? If hes doing things behind my back that i dont know about im thinkin i can too. I know its not right, but **** man. Ive tried to see if he wanted to try swingin but he doesnt want another man areound. I fugured that way we could have fun with out goin behind backs or lying, or the bullshit. I am realizing i dont know this man at all. Weve been together 15 yrs married 3. I just dont understand.

i do everything in the home, and as far as sex im very open and have it as much as possible. Why go elsewhere? So if hes doin sh*t behind my back can i? I know its not right, but for my own piece of mind. Id like to make things even.

Be the bigger person and sit wondering what or who hes doin? Hes gettin sum on the side why not me???

Answer 1

I really don't think sinking down to his level and becoming a cheater will make you feel better. Maybe for a little while, but not for long. As I see it, you have two options: 1. Seek counseling, try to save the marriage and try to trust him again, or 2. Divorce him and take him for all he's got.

Answer 2

You don't make things better by also cheating.
Your husband will not accept it if you cheat, because nobody likes a cheating wife, not even a cheating husband..It's not fair, but it's true. A person that cheats probably will cheat no matter who their partner is; cause the issue is not that you're not sexy and attractive enough; the issue is that he's the type of person that will always want to be with others. This is something you cannot change. I would suggest you to seek counseling and decide wheter you want to stay with him and accept that he has a big appetite or end the relationship and live alone or find another husband. Getting into a "cheat and play games to try to get him jealous or get him back" is only going to hurt you further.. Please remember that no matter how much it hurts when he treats you like this, his values is not the truth; your worth are not defined by him. Some people just don't have a very well developed sensitivity or understanding; this would be the same nomatter how nice, interesting or sexy you were..It's really HIM that has a problem even if it makes a problem for you.

Answer 3

You have been together with him 15 years and married for 3 years. Did you ever have any clue that he was cheating behind your back even before you got married? If you did, then, why did you continue the relationship? Why did you get married with him? If you can't trust him then let him go. No, it is not an eye for an eye. I lost my trust to my husband a while ago. No, he didn't cheat on me but it was something similar to that. It's a long story. But, I managed to give my trust back to him because he has never repeated his mistake again after the incident. But, if I couldn't give my trust back to him I'd have left him. I was ready to just pack up and leave that time. Can you be happy being with something whom you can't trust? If it is true that you've never cheated on him then you deserve a lot better than him. Gather up your courage and leave him. Do you want to wake up every morning thinking who is he going to sleep with today? Let him go.

Answer 4

The question is, "Why do you stay with him if he's always fooling around on you?"

Do you have a job? If not, get one.

Do you know where all of his savings are? If not, find out, so that if you divorce him, you will be able to get an accurate count of how much money has been brought into the marriage.

What are you waiting for? For him to get some STD from a Sweet Young Thing? Do you really think you can change him, or that he will "grow up"?

Quit living in a dream world. He cheats on you because he can. For you to stoop to his level to get even (an eye for an eye) is to make you as cheap as he is.

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!

Answer 5

Sounds like he doesn't appreciate you, what so ever.

He's more or less treating you like crap and taking you for granted.

Why would you waste your time in a marriage that lacks truth and trust? Now, you want to do the, "Eye for an eye", which will lead you no where.

If he loved you, then he wouldn't stray. Simple as that...

And it's not to say it's your fault. He could be a pathological liar and notorious cheater. He MAY never change.

Save yourself from the games and the waiting...Just serve him divorce papers. Don't lower yourself to his level.

Be smart.

Answer 6

You reap what you sow. You think he's not paying for doing this stuff to you? He is, and if he hasn't, he will. By cheating on his, you're bringing things on yourself as well. You need to sit him down and make sure he knows you're not playing this game anymore. Ask him to his face if he's been cheating on you. You need to learn to trust him. If he breaks that trust and you can prove it, tell his if he keeps screwing around, you're packing your bags and moving on because he's not worth the pain. No man is. If he loved you, he'd be there for you, and he wouldn't want to see you hurt. Ask him if all of his fun and girlfriends are worth losing you. tell him you love him, but you'll do what you have to do. "Eye for and eye" is a bunch of crap. You think it'll make things better? Things can only end in scarred hearts when you go so far. At least now your marriage still has a chance, but when you bring jealousy and revenge into the picture, things can only be a disaster. Before you make any decision, sit him down and tell him you're going to give him your trust. Once he breaks it, you turn around and don't look back. My advice is that you also try marriage counseling.

Answer 7

Sigh... this is an insanely complicated question. I have a friend who had gotten engaged to a man who had cheated on her three times before. Then she cheated on him. With me, and another guy. She finally got the nerve to tell him, and he wasn't bothered by it very much at all. She told me how it went, and the fact that he knew changed nothing between us. We fooled around just as much. But the fact that he didn't care very much really got to her. She began questioning every aspect of their relationship, and it made her cry at least once a week for two months. She came to the same conclusion that you had: She didn't know the man. And she didn't know how she could spend the rest of her life with a man that she wasn't friends with, one that she didn't feel comfortable around. They broke up last week.

So, now that the story's out of the way... First off, cheating to get back at some one is even more wrong than regular cheating. If you're going to cheat, do it right. You need to get caught up in the moment between some one who you either have feelings for or you find attractive and let things go from there. Second, if he can cheat on you that easily, then you probably won't get the desired reaction from him when you cheat. Kind of like the friend I was talking about. He'll know, and he won't care enough to stop you. I'm no relationship councilor, but I can tell you that cheating on him is not the way to solve him, or the way to get back at him.

Now if you want to get back at him... I suggest taping him to the bed while he's asleep and completely shave him. Head to toe. Then get rid of all of his clothes however you want to, except for one pair of underwear. Get to all his friends and family first to make sure that no one will bring him clothes. Oh, and hide his keys. >:-)

Answer 8

I've got to wonder why you two are married. He wants to have mutliple partners but doesn't want you to do the same. You want to have multiple partners. My head is spinning...

What's the point in being married? It doesn't sound like there is a lot of respect here. I could be wrong. It's only a paragraph and I can't say for sure what your marriage is like. But if the marriage looks anything like this paragraph, I don't see much good in it.

If you re-read your question, you've answered it yourself. You know that it's not the right thing to do. You feel hurt and it's normal to want to hurt in return. Hurting him won't solve anything and it won't make you feel better.

You two need counseling -- bad. If this marriage has anything worth saving, I would get into counseling on Monday. You need to either fix this or get a divorce and move on. You're in a bad situation.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I went thru the same exact thing you're going thru. I felt the same way, so know how you feel. I did the eye for an eye bit. Yes, I stooped to his level. Know where it got me in the end? DIVORCE!!! So, if that's what you want, so be it...I know it's awful hard to wonder where he is, what he's doing, with whom, when w/he come home etc etc. I got sick of staying home alone never having answers to all those questions. In the end, it just wasn't worth it. Maybe before it comes to this point, you should have a talk w/him. Tell him exactly what your tho't are. What do you have to loose - right? See what he has to say about it. See if he changes & you DO notice a CHANGE. If not, he can't say he wasn't forwarned!!!

Answer 10

If your own morals would make you feel uncomfortable being unfaithful to your vows, that is the ones you took at your wedding then there is no point in stooping to his level. You have to live according to your own morality. But since you said you will consider a threesome, I doubt your own morality will is a consideration. Leave the lying cheating man, theres no point in staying if all you are concerned about is getting even, no one gets even when they are hurt, and your infidelity won't erase his or make it easier for you. A marriage is a promise between two people, that promise has been breached and nothing will put it back together, theres no point in staying when all you want to do is stray, the marriage is over. Don't add to the drama. Just go.