Do you think this journal I wrote sounds offensive & sick? I hope not. I didn't intend on being offensive.

Question

Ok, I heard rumors that Aaliyah was pregnant for Damon Dash upon her death. I feel puzzled because the news nor the autopsy never mentioned this. Were fans just making this up or was this true? I believe that fans were making this up because she wouldn't have been able to dance like that in her Rock the Boat video. & how could celebrities' deep personal business be spread like this? I read on an IMDB forum of Aaliyah that someone said that Damon was a huge freak & never liked to use condoms.

I also heard rumors about Aaliyah being with R. Kelly & lying, saying she was 18 & married him. It was published in Vibe Magazine. But she, herself, said in an interview that none of that was true. I read in Sister2Sister magazine about her being interviewed as a teen by Jamie Foster Brown, & Jamie asked her if it was true that R. Kelly got her pregnant twice. Aaliyah just laughed it off & said that she just lets those rumors go in one ear & out the other. She's pretty strong! & why was her last name still HAUGHTON & not KELLY? Where are the babies? But I feel so confused. I hope he didn't molest poor LiLi. He molested those other teenaged girls & lied his way out of it, & one of the teenaged girls asked Aaliyah to fend for her as a witness in court, & Aaliyah didn't wanna be a part of that.

I also read on another forum-this CAN'T be true!-that Aaliyah's uncle supposedly prostituted her to R. Kelly & molested her too, as well as R. Kelly, when she was 12 yrs. old in order to get her album out & promote herself in the music business. If this REALLY happened, then Barry Hankerson is SICK! But I strongly doubt that this happened. This is some DEEP ****! But Aaliyah's parents & brother were VERY overprotective of her, & she had a close bond with them, & she always respected them.

I know that no one is a perfect angel, but I can't see Aaliyah doing these bad things. She was very humble & quiet & she excelled in school & her career. It's a shame that her image & her sales went down because of jealous people & HATE! If this R. Kelly business wouldn't have happened, then I think she would've been a bigger artist than Alicia Keys & Beyonce. But how is R. Kelly getting all this honor & respect & get to be rewarded with being called the KING of R&B? He doesn't deserve that title! & almost all his songs are about taking somebody's woman or some freaky stuff. He calls himself King of R&B in the song I'mma Flirt (Remix) with T-Pain & T.I. & he LOVES to sing about disrespecting women-like that song Gigolo with Nick Cannon. Look how many Grammys & awards this ****** got!

Aaliyah's songs speak on inspiring one to not give up on certain aspects on life, whether it be relationships, career goals, academics-whatever! She had a lot of respect in her music. Very clean-especially when Missy & Tim produced it. Her music should be MULTI platinum-selling, & she should be one of those artists to win Oscars & 12 Grammys & everything. I feel like she didn't get the honor & respect that she deserved.

***One thing that's been bothering me since her death was that I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, & because of my OCD, I have unwanted, intrusive thoughts about bad stuff that I wish I can get out of my mind, but I can't-even with the medicine. When I heard about R. Kelly & them teenaged girls, that triggered me off to have unwanted sex thoughts about (I know this seems crazy but...) Aaliyah having sex with & suffering a horrible, sick, & painful pregnancy by the person who I'm upset with. Crazy thing is-even if it's another female. Very sick thoughts. That's why OCD is a mental illness. I SURELY don't want to think these thoughts. I've been battling these unwanted thoughts EVERY day, but I quickly learned to block these thoughts out of my head & replace her with a silly character I made up to have sex with the person I hate or am upset with. I can't get rid of the thoughts completely, & these thoughts aren't my fault. This illness isn't my fault. My whole family has various mental illnesses, & it's caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. & what made things worse is that I suffered 2 strokes at age 5. That was quite too young for strokes, don't you think? I hope there's a medicine that blocks out these bad thoughts COMPLETELY. & when I get angry, I have unwanted thoughts of hurting somebody seriously, but I'm glad my impulses never took control of me. Don't worry. I'm seeking counseling & psychiatry & taking medicine. I hope to grow out of this. But if it weren't for R. Kelly & his pedophilia, I wouldn't be having these unwanted thoughts.

What advice can you give me on my unwanted thoughts? It's not that easy for me to just focus on something else. & I don't wanna think these demonic thoughts. That's why they're UNWANTED. BTW-I'm 100% heterosexual, so don't go thinking I'm gay & crazy & misinterpreting what I'm saying. Mental illness doesn NOT make you crazy & should NOT be taken lightly. I also suffer depression, Tourette's Syndrome, & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. These disorders are as serious as diabetes & heart attacks & EXTREME depression can be harmful & dangerous.

Answer 1

I don't think your diary sounds sick or offensive. I can't picture Aaliyah doing those things either. I believe she could have been better than what she was too. She was an incredible artist! I don't think her uncle prostituted her to R. Kelly to get her first album out or at least I hope not! If she did go through any of those things, she was very strong to keep it hidden from everyone! I'm sorry about your thoughts and everything you've been though period. You're doing the right thing! A little prayer goes a long way also. The Lord will help you see your way through this situation. I know from experience! I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers!

Answer 2

However, it is pretty offensive for you to say this. It works both ways. Some Christians ruin it for those of us who are normal and who just want to live in peace and worship God quietly. We don't evangelize. We treat others as we want to be treated. They ruin the perception of Christianity. Perhaps THAT is why some atheists ridicule us and dislike us so. They have had all they can take of the preaching and "I am so holy" attitude they get from A FEW Christians. All I am saying is that it works both ways. Cause: Some Christians preach and rant to atheists. Effect: Atheists get fed up and retaliate. Now there are some atheists who hate us all and show no respect. They feel that because we believe, we are idiots who deserve no respect. That is sad. Most of us are cool people. They are missing out by being prejudiced against us from the beginning.

Answer 3

Hmm, i answered this question but my computer connection has been wacko.

I was going to say that I think R. Kelly was blackmailing her into keeping quiet and when Aaliyah died, I thought it wasn't quite an "accident".

Also I have bad thoughts too. It's pretty normal. There was this person 10 years ago who acted righteous when she did a cruel act ruining someone else's life. Then she told everyone they had to forgive her if they were Christians and continued in her sinful lifestyle. She makes me sick.

Answer 4

not sick but not something you want a 5 year old reading