Why do some people think that divorce is the answer to everything?

Question

It seems to me that some people offer divorce as the only possible solution to couples who are experiencing problems in their marriage.
It is not the first and only option married people have!!
It should be the last resort. It is extremely painful, and damaging especially when there are children involved.
The same way people should consider marriage with all its implications, the same way they should consider divorce.
It is costly psychologically and materially!!!
So, please, do not just advise people to get a divorce or leave their partner whenever they cry for help.
Are there lots of happy divorcees out there? What do you think?

To inquisitor: I am actually divorced. I know first hand what I am talking about.
Yes, my divorce made me happier, i do exist as a person now; but my children are miserable, and it breaks my heart to have put them througth so much pain.
I exist. Was it worth it? I don't know, because I am still not happy. Which means that there are always going to be something I won't have.
Having said that, I wouldn't advise anybody to remain in an abusive relationship!
All I meant was that some people think of that solution just as one might throw away an item with has been damaged because they can buy a new one. Sometimes it's worth fixing it, because it means so much to us, even a bit broken.

Answer 1

There are some things that divorce is the only answer.....

continually cheating....it puts the other spouse at risk

drug, alcohol, gambling when they other person won't get help

physical and emotional abuse

they've committed a horrible crime

they are cruel and abusive towards the children.

I've been married 32 years so I believe in marriage....but some things are deal breakers.

Answer 2

Kc, you are so right. Divorce should only be considered as a last resort, unless infidelity exists. Couples counciling, anything is better than divorce. My atty once told me when I was fretting the 2nd divorce after she filed on me, he said she's no longer your friend, she's now the enemy...yesterday is over, we are here today and she's no longer the same person she was. He was right. If 2 ppl are totally committed to getting married, why can't they look at the whole picture when considering divorce instead of the "me, myself and I" choice. Communication breakdown in relationships is rediculous. Fighting is easier than talking. Running to somebody else instead of staying and working it out must be easier...who said life was easy. That grass may be greener on the other side of the street but it still needs love and attention and committment to make it that green. Why can't we all work on our green grass instead of someone elses.
Its not a divorce, its a funeral...a life together died. All that it was about died. All the happiness died. All the love died. The real, personal, "best friend" helper/lover companionship died. And we, those who didn't want it are left to mourn.
I am still hurting from the pain of my only child, my son being stillborn 18 yrs ago, but I am also glad in the fact that he didn't have to suffer through the pain of watching his parents divorce either or be known as a child from a broken home. Sometimes I believe children have it worse than adults because they have the will built in them to want to change whats happened and make it better by apologizing for what they think they did to make mommy and daddy move out on each other and divide the children into two unequal, unhappy parts.
no, i'm not a happy divorcee...those two words are an oxymoron.

Answer 3

What year do you think this is? 1807? Much of what you are saying about divorce is very judgmental against those who have gotten a divorce.

No, a divorce is not a pleasant thing, but why do you seem to think that divorce is the worst thing in the world that can happen to a person or for a person to do? Why would you want to force someone to stay in a marriage that is damaging their emotional, physical and financial health?

Do you honestly think it's HEALTHY for children to see their parents constantly at each others throats? or freezing each other out?

So you think divorce is always wrong...

ok.... so do you think that living a lie is right?

Do you think people should stay married, keep up appearances? or just waste years in sterile, dismal lives? or should spouses just abandon each other outright, establish different families and leave the spouse who was left in limbo? That's how it was done in the Victorian Era where there were many incidences of men leaving one wife, not bothering to divorce and then establishing 2d families..oh, the "good ole days" eh?

Should a person continue to put up with physical and emotional abuse against them or their children because it would be a shamed to be labeled a divorcee?

if they have a domineering person who controls their every move, someone who reads their mail or diary, someone who listens in on telephone calls or is insanely jealous of the other for no reason?

Should a person have to put up with another person's alcohol or drug addiction, or gambles away their finance/life savings, or languish alone for years while a spouse is in prison because the individual made a stupid choice and committed a crime?

Should a person continue to accept and take back someone who constantly dishonors the marriage vow and maybe has impregnanted one or more women, or a woman who has a child that is not the husbands and tries to pass it off as the husbands? or perhaps contracts STIs and passes them on to the innocent spouse?

A divorce is considerably more honest than any of those things.

Your comment about divorce being a last resort is an unfunny joke!

Sometimes people wait too long to end a bad marriage and waste precious years in the process. In extreme cases, horrible marriages can end up with the murder/suicides that you read about in the papers!

Besides, how do you know those people who get divorced didn't try everything and it simply didn't work? No matter how much counseling some couples go through, things don't change...they only get worse. Most of the people I know who have gone through divorce did think it over...and they went through it with very heavy hearts. The LAST thing they need is someone judging them and saying that they didn't try.

As for your last question, I think there's just a lot of unhappy people in general out there...married, divorced, widowed and single. Happiness or unhappiness is not related to a person's relationship status. Long term married people aren't necessarily always happier than others. I've seen lots of long term married couples who absolutely HATE each other and they play all sorts of psychological head games with each other...their hatred binds them together more than love, and I think that is the saddest thing in the world to see that.

No, divorce isn't the most pleasant thing in the world. The truth of the matter is some marriages cannot and SHOULD NOT be saved...and it is irresponsible to suggest that they can! So, despite your shoving your antiquated belief down people's throats and your dictatorial and judgmental comments, I WILL continue to advise people to consider a divorce if it is a as a viable and sensible option to irreconcilable differences in the marriage...and I hope others continue to do it, too

Answer 4

It may not be a popular answer, but I think a lot of it lies with the fact that many people today are relatively short-sighted, especially once you're in the throes of planning a wedding. It all starts to become a starry-eyed utopia of engagement parties, dress shopping, tux fittings, cake tastings, etc. Soon, you've forgotten all about the reason you're getting married - you're making a lifetime commitment to another person, who is supposed to be just as committed to you as you are to them. It's not 50/50 in marriage, it's 100/100; you're both supposed to be fully committed to the other, not "oh, you give now and I take, then later on I'll give and you take". Nope. You give, and they give.

Modern times still haven't changed the fact that marriage was always, and still is, intended to be a sacrament. Just like taking a vow to enter the priesthood, you make promises in marriage that aren't supposed to be broken - "till death do us part", remember?

Answer 5

I am amazed at seeing such a question being formulated. I thought all the "married" were long gone, a thing of the past. I am glad that there are still those who feel marriage is a "good thing" and divorce "is a last resort".
I agree whith what you are saying. If nothing else, departure leaves a "hole" in the lives of those involved (parents, children).

Answer 6

i think this is very true. And with all of the rushing and running around we do, we just never have time for counsiling, and getting help..or just sitting down to talk about things when the realtionship is going down the drain.
I do think, sometimes divorce is the answers, because the marriage just isn't compatable, and people end up living their life away unhappy because one of them loves the other, but the other doesn't or they just think they can make the marriage work, and by the time they end it, they don't have much of a chance of getting hitched again.
But, i agree. Divorce should be last resort..and so should marriage unless you're absolutely sure.
People just need to learn to sit and talk with the one they love or get counsiling. No one spends enough time with their familys anymore.
good observation!
xx

Answer 7

You are very right...it's the last resort, but I am not so sure it's the last resort...the last resort should be to just save the marriage..period!
Don't be a coward by running away from the marriage....just face it, and deal with it.........

Answer 8

your so right hun . but people do not change . iv been married ;for 26 yrs . we should have got divorced ; many yrs ago . we stayed married for the kids , but looking back . I'm not sure that ; was the right thing to do .i have not loved my wife for 15 yrs . who knows what might have hap pend . if we had gone our diff ways .

Answer 9

Because its the easy way out............ that way they dont have to try to fix their problems... we are a throw away society and its a shame that we throw away a marriage because its going to take some hard work to make it work.......

Answer 10

Yet another reason you shouldn't get married