I met a man recently (about a month ago) who seems to be very up front and honest with me. He told me he was married, which I already knew. He told me he has one son and his wife recently had twin girls, but he is not sure if the girls are his.
Over the past month we have been talking and slowly becoming friends. I knew that he was developing a crush on me and I on him, but I respected his marriage and didn't say anything about. Then one night he kissed me.
Even before the kiss, we both seemed to be very open and honest with each other. He knows I have a daughter from a previous relationship and was quite heartbroken to find out after becoming pregnant that my daughter's father is married with a daughter (he told me he was single with not children). He told me that he and his wife have talked about getting a divorce because the relationship is not going to work. He told her as soon as she stops nursing and returns to work he is filing papers.
is this adultery?
2007-08-19 06:54:49 · 38 answers · asked by chele2382 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way:
The one kiss was the first and last time we kissed. I feel extremely guilty but I need to say, I didn't kiss him. He kissed me and I pushed him away immediately.
I did tell him I would be friends with him but nothing more.
We have both agreed since the night of the kiss to keep everything platonic. If the feelings are still there after his divorce then we figure out what to do then.
Ultimately, we are just friends yet I've never been friends with a married man before who was not my friend before he married. I am at a loss at what is right and wrong now.
2007-08-19 06:59:44 · update #1
I guess what I should really be asking is:
Is it wrong for us to continue to be friends?
2007-08-19 07:11:19 · update #2
This is funny! I am sorry, I am from Michigan and the similar thing happened to me. With a man that had twin girls and a son. Anyway, to make my story short, men who cheat lie. Ask his wife, and if he is not happy in the marriage why is he in it to begin with!!!!!! He should be out divorcing her rather than finding women to date. You are better than that, find someone else that can treat you with respect.
2007-08-19 07:13:29 · answer #1 · answered by miss.priss 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong for you 2 to just be friends. Is it a good idea, well that's whole 'nother question. You've already kissed, the chances that nothing more will happen are pretty slim. HE said that he is getting a divorce, but you have no idea if that is really the truth. His wife could think that everything is fine between them. After all she just gave birth, obviously not all that long ago their relationship was going strong.
Basically the kiss was cheating, you 2 having a platonic relationship is not. However, I don't think that it's a good idea. Even if he gets a divorce eventually & the 2 of you start a romantic relationship, do you really think that you could ever trust him? I mean he cheated on his wife with you, what's to stop him from cheating on you when someone else he's interested in comes along? In my opinion you should stay away from this guy all together, eventually he'll cause you pain.
2007-08-25 12:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by Jess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question isn't whether or not this is adultery, it's whether or not it's a good idea, and it isn't.
First of all, even if the guy is really about to leave his wife . . . he is about to leave his wife right after she gave birth to his babies. What kind of guy does that???
Second, you have only his word that they are splitting up. Ask his wife if you want to know the truth.
Third, even if he and his wife are both unhappy and both agreeable to the divorce, you are signing on for a guy with three little kids who hasn't learned anything from the breakup. It takes time after a breakup to figure out what went wrong and people who don't take that time almost always keep repeating the same mistakes. So, unless you want to be the next "oops", move on before things go any further.
2007-08-19 07:29:40 · answer #3 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well in my opinion if a man or a woman is still married, and h/she meets a stranger and becomes good friends ... and if it's physically and emotionally involved then is adultery. The worst part about it is if the person who is not married is consider seduction to a married man and that's the biggest sin anyone can commit. I wouldn't done it until the final divorce. I won't even look at a married man until I have a divorce. That is just my opinion. So good luck with that!
2007-08-26 19:05:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you already know in your heart of hearts that this man is not telling you the whole Truth, and the little part of the Truth he told you is for you to feel sorry for him. You yourself know how much it hurts for your baby's daddy to leave you with your child so why go through that motion again. How do think she will feel. There is no way she is thinking about a divorce after having those babies with him. He after some sex and that is all. A man will tell you all his business to see that a woman has a thing for them. He will play you up girl so back off. He is married anyways what are you doing hanging out with him. Put your self in his wife shoes, how would you feel. Come on now, you are old enough to you are being played.Why would you want a man that is cheating on his wife any way, and wants to leave his family for you. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm getting on you but woman should not be friends with a married man if he is trying to hit on you. He is showing you that he don't have any respect for you or his wife. No, you guys should not be friends at all. No communication neither. If he did it to her he will do it you because by you letting him conversate and kiss you he thinks that you are easy. Believe what I say. Don' be a home wrecker. If they are having problems you are not the one to solve them. Leave him alone. You reap what you sow.
2007-08-27 06:36:25 · answer #5 · answered by queen B. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is adultery until the divorce is final. And I suspect that divorce will never come.
This same scenario happened to me more than 30 years ago. The man involved told me pretty much the same things your crush is saying to you. Apparently that still works.
I made my own mistakes when I was young and stupid, but I still wonder at the number of women who willingly sign up for the misery of being involved with a married man. There is nothing more corrosive to a woman's self esteem.
I don't think the question should be "is this adultery?" but "should I keep seeing this man?", to answer to which would be NO.
2007-08-26 08:54:36 · answer #6 · answered by pufferoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant tell you what a huge train wreck you are running into. First of all he had no right in any kind of way becoming so close to you. As soon as you found out he was married you should have kept all interactions with him very limited. You know the signals when a guy is interested. He is such a dog he is trying to make it sound like his wife had another mans kids why does it sound like that is not the problem, but the fact he has a wife is the problem. If he wondered if they are another mans children get D.N.A.. He had to find a way to make you feel sympathy for him. But where is your head you have been dogged by one man and left with a child, you should know how his wife will feel after giving birth to twins he is walking out on his family. Its not adultery until you start having sexual desires and feelings towards a MARRIED MAN by the way what comes around goes around.
2007-08-25 03:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not adultery. Yet.
You're flirting with danger. Tell this guy that whatever he plans to do with his wife is none of your business. Tell him that the twin girls are certainly his until he has a DNA test. He's telling you that because he doesn't want you to think you'd be screwing around with a man whose wife just had twin babies and he's leaving her at home with newborns to scout out someone to screw around with.
She did (just have twins) and he did (just go out looking for a little action outside his marriage.)
Tell this guy that married is married. What an ***. When he files papers to divorce his wife, just what is his complaint about the marriage going to be? 'The relationship is not going to work'? Is that legal terminology for 'I'm bored with the sex I'm getting at home'?
No, no, no. Don't try to paint lipstick on this pig to make it look prettier. This guy's as honest as any other horny guy haunting the bars on a Saturday night. If you hadn't pushed him away when he kissed you, he'd have had you then and there, no matter what he had to go through to get you out of your clothes. What a dog!
2007-08-26 10:00:20 · answer #8 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
First, all you have is HIS word for it. He has admitted he's married and hasn't even filed paperwork yet. You've already been through this once, and you want to risk it again?????????
Tell you what: go ask his WIFE if it's REALLY over.....that will tell you the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth. If you trust him, and he's being honest, that shouldn't be a problem.
Otherwise, don't so much as LOOK at him until he can produce FINAL divorce papers signed by both of them.
2007-08-19 07:11:14 · answer #9 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This situation is adultry. And what's worse is that I think this guy is totally trying to get over on you.
By the time he leaves his wife it will be 2008. Most women breast feed at least 6 months. And it may take another 3 - 6 for her to find a job. Think about it.
Don't invest in this guy. Let him know that once he's filed those papers and has separated from his wife to give you a call. And don't hold your breath.
2007-08-25 15:11:13 · answer #10 · answered by zupermodel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion there is not one chance in a thousand that he ever plans on leaving his wife. You say he "seems very up front and honest" with you, yet at the same time he is being secretive and deceptive to his own wife and kids. If you truly want a relationship with this less than stellar prospect, do so ONLY after he is divorced. To put it bluntly, he wants the same thing the father of your present child wanted, an affair -nothing more. Run! (unless that's what you want as well).
2007-08-27 01:16:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋