He Drops Our Son Off And Comments On How He Always Gets Hard When He Sees Me And Is Always Making Sex Dates With Me...He Tells Me I Have The Best "thing" He Has Ever Had..etc.etc...But He Stays With This Woman Yet Desiring Me Constantly......And Supposedly Doesn't Love Me Anymore...This Has Been Going On For Almost Five Years........What Gives?
2007-08-19 05:00:01 · 57 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We Are Actually Separated Because He Cheated On Me With The Woman He Is Now With........I'm Just Clarifying This Because Someone Said I Don't Have Respect For My Fellow Women............
2007-08-19 08:55:11 · update #1
I'd love to know your definition of "separation." Is it when you tell people you are no longer together, even though you're screwing your brains out? Let's be honest here---you haven't broken up. You've just taken all the responsibility out of the relationship, all that messy unpleasant stuff like communication about issues, commitment, and confrontation over differences. What's left is the fun. Only instead of admitting that you're having a relationship with your husband purely for sex, because you can't seem to get along in any other area, you're pretending to be "separated." That way, you can think of sexual encounters as random events that just happened to occur, rather than what they truly are.
If you and your ex-husband/sexual stud or whatever you want to call him want to take responsibility for your lives, have an honest discussion about what's happening. Either accept the fact that you are using each other for sex, and would like things to remain this way... OR, if you truly want a healthy new relationship, stop using each other completely and create an opening for a more compatible partner to enter your life. You can't do both. After all, what are you going to say if you meet some guy or if you're in a relationship, and he asks if you're available: "Oh yes, I'm available, except for the days/nights when I have sex with my ex-husband!" I don't think so....
ravishingV
2007-08-26 06:52:52 · answer #1 · answered by ravishingV 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've just read ALL the postings to your question Evitta. And, I'm only going to tell you this. YOU need to read AND ACT on what everybody is suggesting to you. If you two were still together, hypothetically, imagine this......
He is starting to drift apart from you. You feel it. And, imagine that he actually IS seeing someone else. And, now here's the clincher, he's telling this OTHER fling that SHE is the best piece he's ever had. How do you suppose you'd feel about that? You're not treating yourself fair. And, you're treating him like a little prince. (which he doesn't deserve) And, not that you have much consideration for her, but, you're not really being fair to his current live in.
Hon, you really need to check yourself, and get rid of this leech. Yeah, you two were once a thing. But, it's all history now. Just like you need to make him. History. Tell him that he now has a new bed he's made. Sleep in it and be happy. Leave you out of the picture. If for no other reason, to regain some of the dignity he's apparently stripped you of. Be your own woman Hon. You'll feel better for taking the steps.
Take care.
May God Bless you.
Rob :-)
2007-08-26 13:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by signwrtr 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And yet I'm also saying... not only do you not have respect for his woman, you don't have respect for yourself. If your STUFF was all that good, don't you think he wouldn't have had a reason to look elsewhere? Why are you trying to sound so naive? Just because she is the woman he cheated on you with, doesn't give you the green light to keep sleeping with the piece of trash anyway. Lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Lady you need a flea bath. No disrespect intended. You have not only allowed him the pleasure of lying, cheating and being a dog, but you have allowed him to make you the other woman. Congrats to you.
2007-08-25 16:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes your ex feel comfortable in a relationship with someone is being able to cheat on them. It's like protection - he's never really 'true' to them so he can be his own person and not subservient to any kind of demands they make, such as the demand to be faithful. Believe it or not, you are making his new relationship 'work' for him!
When he was with you, he needed to have another person he could cheat with. Unfortunately, you didn't want to go along with that. If you had just put up with it, you'd probably still be with him and he with you, enjoying that balance. Also, unfortunately, he does things like that and it brings sexually-transmitted diseases and surprise pregnancies (in other people) into your life too! So you were right to break up with him.
Now, he needs someplace to cheat. Where better to cheat than with you. You are probably a 'safer' cheating partner than he could ever find in a bar or on the street. No, he doesn't love you - the way you probably want to be loved - with commitment and respect. I say that and I don't even know the guy. I'm just going by what you said.
If you want to test this out: ask him to start paying for the 'sex dates' because he's using you like a prostitute. Or tell him that you want his new girlfriend to know what he's doing with you since this looks like it could go on forever so obviously it's an important part of his relationship to be able to cheat on her.
Or tell him the best thing of all: that you can't keep dishing out sex to him because you have a real life of your own - start dating and get an emotionally satisfying life with a person who has more respect for you and with whom you can build a future that's not a series of sex dates.
I say this yet you may have a better understanding of this guy than you let on. You may not want to upset the applecart. It also protects you from having a real love relationship in your life - maybe that scares you as much! Maybe you know this guy will turn into a monster if you withhold the booty. Maybe you know that much better than anyone else. He might be angry and make your child suffer as part of his revenge.
Maybe your question isn't about what is going on. You probably know it. Maybe your question is about 'What do I want?' That's the real issue.
2007-08-26 04:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you still have feelings for your ex and he is taking advantage of the situation. Just like the others are saying he is using you and taking advantage of you but don't continue to let him use you. This man is your ex-husband for a reason and he knows you and he knows all the right things to say to you to make you give in. What I would do if I were you is just tell him he has had his fun and now its over and move on and find someone to appreciate you for the beautiful person you are. Don't let this man depreciate your value. Here's the thing that getting everyone so riled up....he lives with a woman and yet you continue to sleep with him-that is a sign of a woman with low self esteem but since you put the question out here this lets me know that you are tired of his mess and want out. Instead of you being his wife you are now the other woman and he is having his cake and eating it too. There are good quality men out here that don't cheat and who will treat you like the beautiful woman you are. Your only dealings with him should be concerning the child and if that is too hard for you to do then get a relative to drop off your child to him and have no more conversation with him because he has figured you out and the only way to get over him is to move on to something or someone else. Don't let him play you like this. You are too smart to sink to this level. Pick yourself up and get some positive reinforcements in your life and move on. Good luck to you and God bless you
2007-08-19 05:21:07 · answer #5 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do! I'm not exactly sure why there is a question here. You deserve better. Why would you even consider having sex with him after he's done what he did. Think about this, if he is having sex with multiple partners, and you have sex with him, you might just as well be having sex with all his partners as well. He's gonna give you anything he picks up from them. Don't allow him to disrespect you like this. I would set boundaries up, like I do not want to hear this again. Then don't talk to him about it. If the kids are old enough you don't even need to see or talk to him. He can let them out in the driveway or whatever and let them walk into the house alone.
Blessed Be
2007-08-25 08:53:32 · answer #6 · answered by Linda B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but your question kind of angers me. You sound like a very intelligent person, but for the life of me I don't understand how you could continue to have sex with the guy who broke up your relationship in the first place. Then you admit that the woman who he cheated with lives with him and still you continue to have sex with him knowing he is having sex with her. I think in the beginning you wanted to show her he still wanted you even though he cheated with her and now lives with her, but after 5 years it sounds like you enjoy the arrangement, no commitment from either of you just sex. Please grow up and become responsible you have a child who will eventually catch on. You both are setting a horrible example. You are a mother, a smart woman and deserve to treat yourself better, at some point you need to mature. STOP BEING HIS BOOTY CALL HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU TO PUT YOU IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS....
2007-08-26 09:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you keep giving him these "sex dates"?
if you have been letting it happen for almost 5 years and you are actually hoping he will leave that woman and come back to you... well, how many more years are you going to let this happen before you realize you are being used?
this happened with an aunt of mine who was strung along while her ex (my uncle) dated other women. Except she was waiting for him for over 10 years! The day he announced his engagment to another woman was the biggest shock of her life and on the day they married she was a mess.
move on and find someone who will cherish you without another woman involved!
2007-08-19 05:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would forgive him for doing this but as far as having sex again with him . First of all I am a man and I would not have sex with him.But I would definatly tell him to get lost get a grip on himself and have fun doing it. You do not have to see him.You could have him drop off your son at a brother or sisters place and they could bring him to you.Even a close friends place and you pick him up.You do not have to meet him or see him.There are plenty of men looking for a women to love and cherish.A relationship doesn't have to be based on sex,if it is than you are with the wrong person.They should love you for who you are not how much sex they can get.I hope you take this advice to heart and try to forgive him but I would never want to see him again. This is your decision to make.
2007-08-27 04:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by drummer158 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds greedy. Does he have nothing better to say to you than the fact that you make him horny? He sounds like a teenager. He's probably going home at night to his girls acting like an innocent lamb.
See this guy for what he is: Immature and disrespectul. You've dealt with this long enough. Let him go and find a loving mate who will appreciate your eyes, your smile and your sense of humor. Not just your sex.
2007-08-26 14:58:34 · answer #10 · answered by zupermodel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋