i am 52. please let me know when i shall be able to act upon my own.when i will be able to act independently.?

Question

in the childhood and in the youth i was commanded by parents and elders and in service by my boss and now by my wife and children and i have to accept almost all the things althogh from my heart i am unwlling. my refusal can lead to quarrels and my explanations are not accepted and if accepted sarcassastically. i have to accept otherwise it will be ahell.i know that the other people also have some problems. I do this to safeguard my relations but it is inching me towards end of my life.

Answer 1

Life is about compromise.

Currently I'm so compromised that it's not even funny!! My husband took a job out-of-state without so much as a by-your-leave. He just up and left. He called often, said he missed me, came to visit, and kept asking when I was moving to join him..... So I had a choice between moving to this new town, even though I really felt bad about it- I still feel that this is a bad idea!.... or I could not move, and allow my marriage to deteriorate to the point of divorce.

Hmmm... move even though I think it's a bad idea?.... or end up divorced..... So I moved.

Did I mention that life is all compromise?...

In your case, I don't know what to tell you. As you said, your life is either capitulation or hell, and both are unpleasant at best.

You said that your explanations are either not accepted or accepted with sarcasm. Try an experiment- Tell your family that you won't go along with whatever is happening until they can explain your side.... I've found that understanding the opposition clarifies my own feelings on the issue, sometimes (although rarely) even changing my mind. Sure, it will be tough standing up to them, but this is a possible avenue to change.

Another option-- are you religious?... Maybe asking Deity will help. My experience is that when I've asked, help has always come.

Answer 2

I think you're a bit scared of your own decisions. I mean, you say it yourself: you have an opinion that doesn't match to the others, the others jump and try to make you change that opinion and you do eventually.
If you believe that your opinion/decision or whatever else is good for yourself, don't give it up just because your gonna have an argument with your wife or a friend or someone else. If they just can't accept your ideas, then you should probably look for some friends with whom you have more in common. You want to safeguard relations that...aren't really bringing you much happiness if you can't say what you think all the time. Real friends go through fights every now and then. Even married people do. If there's a solid base, you'll make peace. If you don't make peace...I think you should ask yourself if that relationship was worth it in the first place.

Answer 3

Isn't it amazing how people who have never taken a step in your shoes have all kinds of advice for you. I'm 57 and my marriage isn't a happy one, so I know where your coming from. You were not specific about what you want to do that has your family so upset so I can't give a very specific answer. For what it is worth I think you basically have two options, you can continue on with your life as it is or you can change it and pay the price. You already know what doing what you are doing is costing you, what you don't know is what change will cost you. The only real bargaining chip you have with your family is that you are willing to end your marriage. Divorce is serious business and it requires serious thought. I hope that you take the time to consider your life seriously and think about your wife and kids and what they mean to you before you make any decisions. I wish I had better advice for you, but we both are caught between an unhappy life and unpleasant alternatives. Whatever you decide to do I want you to know that I hope that your decisions work for you and I wish you good luck.

Answer 4

The simple answer is....When you DECIDE to.

I said simple, I didnt say EASY.

It seems like rather a high price to me. To take your own life just because you are afraid of not complying because you may lose a relationship.

Is a relationship that forces you to sell yourself out worth preserving?

No one can force you to do this unless you ALLOW them to do so.

As a child, we dont get much say in it. As a 52 year old, you need to step up to the plate and take CHARGE of your OWN life and begin to BE YOU.

This WILL scare those around you, as they will wonder who the hell you ARE. They will think that you are a stranger. But it is that or they lose you forever and that cant be a good deal for ANYONE concerned.

So, be BRAVE, begin to ASSERT yourself. Start with small things at first, then go to the bigger things. I feel that you will earn their RESPECT once you start taking charge. It may surprise you what happens.

Choose life, YOUR life. Create it the way that you WANT it to be. Sit down with a piece of paper and plan out how you would like your life to look if YOU were in CHARGE.

If you lose some people along the way then so be it, at least you will have FOUND YOU.

Good luck in your new mission.
I know that you can do it.

Answer 5

If this is how you led your life then this is the only way you know. Ater so many years complacency has taken over in the common thought process. And even if you have a team of friends they will also be helping you make decisions. Here's an example for you. When someone goes to jail and they'e constantly told what to do, they don't have to think for themselves anymore. They just do what they're told, (as long its a good choice, of a common sense decision). After awhile you don't have to even think about when, or what, or even making breakfast. Where your going to go to eat. You don't have to think about doing laundry, or housekeeping. You don't have to go to the store. Everythings basically the same, and you become complacent. Your mind becomes less, almost like on a drug, but it's psychological, which is more deep rooted. Day after day for most of your life with actions being laid out for you makes it so you miss out on how we're supposed to progess with mankind and everyday advances that make up our future. If you really wanna understand how this works, watch the movie The Shawshank Redemption and tottaly focus on the old man named "Brooks", and watch what happens to him when he is finally free and "able to act upon his own" and "able to act independently. This condition can also happen in the military and soldiers call it "militarized".

Answer 6

I regret to say that in my opinion the answer is: never.

Some people refuse to obey commands and some always do. I think you belong to the latter kind. Unless you change your perspective towards life, you will end up dependent on everyone around you for the rest of your life.

I used to be like that, but some life events changed my point of view and now I feel more free to demand what I believe is right.

It's all a matter of choice and character.

Answer 7

Are you concerning Jacob's ladder? Gen. 28:10-19 10 Now Jacob went out from Beersheba and went in the direction of Haran. 11 So he got here to a undeniable place and stayed there all nighttime, because of fact the solar had set. And he took between the stones of that place and placed it at his head, and he lay down in that place to sleep. 12 Then he dreamed, and behold, A LADDER became set up on earth, AND ITS actual REACHED TO HEAVEN; and there the angels of God have been ascending and descending on it. 13 And behold, the LORD stood above it and mentioned: “i'm our lord god of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac; the land on which you lie i will grant to you and your descendants. 14 additionally your descendants would be because of fact the dirt of the earth; you shall unfold in a foreign country to the west and the east, to the north and the south; and in you and on your seed all the families of the earth would be blessed. 15 Behold, i'm with you and could shop you anyplace you pass, and could carry you back to this land; for i won't be in a position to pass away you till I even have achieved what I even have spoken to you.” sixteen Then Jacob wakened from his sleep and mentioned, “rather the LORD is in this place, and that i did no longer know it.” 17 And he became afraid and mentioned, “How dazzling is that this place! that's none different than the domicile of God, and that's the gate of heaven!” 18 Then Jacob rose early interior the morning, and took the stone that he had placed at his head, set it up as a pillar, and poured oil on actual of it. 19 And he referred to as the call of that place Bethel; however the call of that city were Luz earlier.

Answer 8

I too allowed others to have their way and put my desires on the back burner while they enjoyed themselves. They did not appreciate my sacrifice. Just in recent years I have understood it is my fault for allowing them to have their way while I did without thinking it was the noble and right thing to do. I decided I did want to leave this life without having more fun, more things done that I wanted to acheive and if they thought it was selfish--too bad. It is my time and they can only take it from me if I give it to them. I am happier and they do not seem to be suffering because I stand up for myself now. Good luck!

Answer 9

Ask your doctor to recommend a good therapist. I think you really need some professional help to deal with this. I don't think it would take too much therapy, either. :) Good luck to you!

Answer 10

All actions have consequences. You are already acting independently, you are just unwilling to accept the consequences for certain actions.