I recently moved to a new community, soon after divorce. My situation was talked about and alot of people have this "they should take care of me" feeling.. I have made it clear (as clear as I can) that I am not interested in dating right now (at least in my community as that causes obvious problems).. As soon as I moved here, I was warned repeatedly to stay clear of a neighbor as he is known as a "drug lord" that can't be caught and I have heard his drunken rages next door.
I have steered clear - and do not talk. Once he came over and I just clearly told him to go home. Then, he began leaving vegetables and fruit from his garden on my porch. Yet, again, I have had this happen with other people who all assume a single mother must need help (I actually do okay)... so, I didn't respond.
Today, he brought more and left a note: " Don't freak out, I have no relationship with ____ ( a girl from our community) or any woman, you don't have to speak, if you don't want to, I just...
2007-08-19 04:44:17 · 30 answers · asked by Wildflower 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
find you very attractive. Just ____ (his name).
So, obviously I'm not interested.. not trying to be mean, not conceded, just not out there dating.. (at least as far as my community knows).. I don't know if I should just continue to ignore him or tell him again straight.. I have made it clearly known and I think my silence speaks volumes, but to be honest, I'm getting a little creeped out here...
Advice?
2007-08-19 04:45:57 · update #1
PS I live in a wonderful neighborhood, clean, safe, nice houses, I love where I live... and other than the occasional sat. night "rumble" at his house, the neighborhood is your typical "kiddy ville" with parks etc..
2007-08-19 04:47:30 · update #2
plainly let him know you're not interested in dating anyone right now, and that he needs to find someone else.
you dn't have to be mean.... but let him know you're not interested.
2007-08-19 04:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been clear about not being interested, it's probably best to just ignore any advances. Since he's told you he'll more or less respect the fact you aren't if you don't say anything, maybe you can just accept the gifts as acts of kindness (nothing wrong with that =). If you had to speak to him, I would just thank him for his generosity and reiterate, if necessary, that you aren't ready for any new relationships now or in the near future but you appreciate his kindness. You might also tactfully say that you've noticed he likes to drink (or whatever) and you couldn't have a romantic relationship with someone who wants to live that way, if nothing else than for the sake of your child(ren). If you're a christian, you could talk to him about God, that might be enough to dampen his fire, esp. if he's into booze and drugs. Otherwise, if he escalates the issue (for example, by stalking you) you could just tell him you're starting to feel like he's harassing you and ask him to please stop or you'll have to call the police. I would try friendly but firm until you have no choice though.
2007-08-19 05:22:20 · answer #2 · answered by whiteraven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its important that you face up to this guy and tell him to his face that you are happy to have such caring neighbours but at the moment dont really need additional friends. Tell him you are a private person but are happy to know there is a helping hand there if you ever need it.
If he is persistant you could also say you just started seeing someone and its only early days but you are very happy with the relationship.
If none of this is helpful I would seriously consider moving out.I know its not an easy thing to do but peace of mind is better than the 'perfect' building. If the fruit & veg keep appearing leave a notice on your door saying "Thanks so much for the warm welcome you have all shown and the food you have given.I am very settled now and its no longer neccesary to continue being so generous."
2007-08-19 04:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by jambutty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your neighborhood may seem safe but looks can be decieving. I dont think it would be a good idea to confront this guy, as he is 'known' to be a dangerous person. Rejecting him abruptly could cause major problems for you. Whatever you do, dont eat those veggies, he may inject drugs into them to put you in a more 'aggreable' state of mind, and God forbid you feed them to your child. The next time he comes around make it known that you are dating someone, ( even if your not, it is none of his business), be vague, suggest that your boyfriend travels and is away a lot. Then simply have a male friend visit from time to time. Even if it is a different male friend. Your just looking for the hint of having a busy social life...enough to stop the tongues from wagging.
2007-08-19 04:54:02 · answer #4 · answered by pink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like he didn't fully understand your being blunt. Leaving it quiet will only leave him thinking your playing hard to get and/or playing games with him. I can almost promise these things will continue. From my little experience with this the safest bet would be to gracefully decline. Thank him for the gifts and try not to use the excuse "I just got out of a marriage and not looking" excuse for the simple reason that it will not close the door in his mind. Your going to have to be tactfully blunt. As in "Hey ________. I really appreciate the the gifts and the note, but I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with." or something like that.
2007-08-19 04:52:14 · answer #5 · answered by TheSingleFriendthats2muchfun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let this continue. Call him and tell him you aren't interested in him, or any other man. Tell him you just want to be left alone.
If he keeps doing things like this, then call the police and tell them that he's stalking you, and they can put a legal restraint on him that keeps you safe.
But don't just keep quiet, he might get the wrong idea and then you'll end up in a nasty confrontation.
2007-08-19 04:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd leave him a note on his porch and write, "Leave money instead of veggies and fruit and I might be able to say hi once in a while. Signed----The money fan. P.S. I find money real cute and am attracted to it and don't be fooled, so does everyone else in the community."
2007-08-19 05:11:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just leave a note for him saying something like,
"I really appreciate the gifts of vegetables and fruits you have been leaving for me and my child. But I just wanted to let you know that although I am flattered by your compliment, I am not interested and I hope you don't take it personal. I just want to concentrate on me and my child."
2007-08-19 04:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think straightforward is always best, other wise he might just think you're shy or playing hard to get. you can do one of two things.
1) say you are flattered, but have a boyfriend already. this would get him and the rest of the neighborhood off your back.
2) say you are flattered, but are not interested in a relationship with anyone.
you can do this in a note form if you feel a face-to-face encounter might be awkward.
check out: http://geocities.com/sbiv37/marr
2007-08-19 04:52:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this "gentleman" refuses to take "no" for an answer, then he becomes a stalker, ans as such is committing a serious offence. I should take out an injunction to protect yourself and your family - the courts would take a dim view of a breach of the injunction.
2007-08-19 04:54:58 · answer #10 · answered by Trevor W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him straight out. You are not looking to date or anything else. If he continues then you might have to call your local police and see what can be done. Ask a couple of the neighborhood men to keep watch and if they see him come over ask them to come over at the same time better to be safe then sorry.
2007-08-19 04:50:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋