I saw my 15 y.o neice on Facebook yesterday - holding a "joint" in one photo, a beer bottle in another.

Question

Many of the postures are provocative and include her friends.
Her mother is struggling this summer to finish her Master's degree and is a single mother and very stressed out. I don't know how to bring this to her attention without, a) having them both "shoot the messenger" (me), having my neice furious with me for years to come, facing my sister's denial and causing her MORE stress. (We are not close). Please advice . . .

Answer 1

This is why our society is corrupted. Everyone tuns a blind eye to things that they shouldnt. What your 15yo old did is wrong and it needs to be handled either by you or you tell her mom and she handles it. So what if the niece gets mad at you, she was wrong in what she was doing. How could your sister be in denial you have a website to prove it. I say put it in the light what this little girl is doing in the dark. You could be a nice aunt and have a mature talk with her, or you could put it in the mother hand and let her deal with it the way she chose too.

Answer 2

You need to have a serious talk with her and contact one of those places that have commericals about: "whatever you put on the internet is out there forever...for everyone to see". However, Facebook is becoming a serious problem...any website that can break up marriges, and show provocative pictures of minors is serious. Please make it your business to get her off of this site. Have hermother complain to the school and school system to be sure the children cannot get on such site during school (educational) hours. Pray about this situation, but take some action. It may hurt the childs feeling now, but you will save her life in the end.

Answer 3

As long as she is not getting to the point of "jail" ...I mean being too too wild then I would let it go. We all partied when we were teenagers! In fact i partied more before I turned 18 then I did after, because i had to work and be responsible. I would just leave it for now...unless it was a picture of her snorting coke or something heavy like that. Marijuana is so common now-a-days...it's unreal! I partied lots but never once smoked pot....I know I was weird...lol. Seriously, it wasn't around our small town with the teens.....the adults however...was a different story. These are the things I hear ...20-some years later. She's just experimenting....at 15 she will be well aware of the consequences.
As for single motherhood causing the problem...I don't think so....there are tons of kids in trouble that have a dad....and too with the trailer trash comment.....rich kids have more money therefore buy more extreme drugs!

Hey, maybe you should non=chalantly invite your sister to join facebook and she can find things out for herself??? just a thought after reading everyone else's comments. Maybe mine was wrong???

Answer 4

Might be best to just confront your niece with what you saw. It is obviously teenage angst but can be very dangerous at the same time. All teens are going to experiment and attempt to push the limits. Perhaps explain to your niece that you are aware of her indulging and that if she ever feels that she is not using recreationally or responsibly that you will be there for her if she needs to talk. As for your sister if she has blinders on and wouldn't believe you then why bother stirring up the bees nest. Soon enough she will become aware of her daughters habits and will have to deal wth them at that time. But if you believe that she may want to speak with her daughter right now then I'd suggest that you approach her after speaking with the niece (and let the niece know what you are going to tell her mom) and inform her of her kids behaviour. You may be viewed as a rat or spoilsport but you just might save this kid from potential danger. Best of luck with this difficult choice you need to make.

Answer 5

I would definitely speak to your neice about it first. Tell her what you have seen and warn her that if you will tell her mother if you see anything like this again. This will make it seem to her like you are on her side and she will respect you for this. She probably needs to feel that she has an older relative she can talk to as she might not be getting the attention she needs from her mother who is so busy.

Answer 6

Ever hear the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well, you're pretty close to that child as far as the village is concerned. It's your job as a loving concerned aunt to tell your sister there might be problems. Leave the judgmental part out. You could say, "Maybe she isn't into drugs and alcohol. Maybe it's just crazy attention-seeking pictures, but maybe she is, and I just don't want anything bad to happen to her because I love her, and I love you...." Then leave it at that.

Answer 7

There's always gonna be stress in life. You can't avoid it. The mother should know and I think your niece is seriously walking down the wrong path. You would be doing something in her best interest by telling her mom. She'll get over being mad eventually.

Answer 8

Just wait untill her mother is watching the computer while you are on showing her some videos, then make some excuse to ge to your neices profile, then "stumble" across the pictures.

Answer 9

That's definitely a tough situation. I say you give your niece a call and ask her out for a day, maybe go shopping or something. And sit her down to talk about it. She needs to know that her behavior is not only inappropriate, but potentially dangerous. Be careful not to sound like you're coming down on her or judging her, but let it be known that you care and that you're concerned. Tell her that you're willing to keep this between the two of you, but that you'll be keeping an eye on her and one more slip-up on her behalf and you'll tell her mother. She may see that you're trying to help and respect that you're not going straight to her mom without talking to her first.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Personally I don't think it's a big deal; a lot of teenagers do such things, and the timing does not seem right to tell her mum (who possibly knows anyway).

So I would do nothing, maybe confront your niece in a friendly manner yourself and make sure she knows the implications. Don't be too hard on her, act as a friend (as much as you can) maybe?