Why won't he leave...?

Question

You are in an unhealthy relationship. He gets into fits of rage and violence, insults you, and says things that you are not even thinking.

Each time you get into a major fight, which is almost every week, he says that he is leaving. He calls everyone and lies about you and tells them he's out of here and you will be dead without him.

You wait for him to leave but he doesn't leave, he just gets into his "nice phase" until the cycle of rage starts again the next time.

You pay most of the bills and he lies to everyone that he does. He is threatened each time you move up in your career although you've tried your best to reassure him of your faith in his abilities.

You know that one of you has to leave for your safety and that of your kid.

What do you do?

Answer 1

The guy sounds like a paranoid schizophrenic to me . Being that your a woman you really don't want to mess with him they are dangerous . The only reason i say that is because my ex is one . She would have the mood swings and the lies that came out of no where . The thing is when they are good you tend to believe they are the greatest things in life they have a way of making you feel good about yourself and everything seems normal . For instance you can be getting along really well and behind your back there telling another person how rotten you are to them . The mood swing are just to unpredictable and uncontrollable .She also would say she herd voices telling her to do things which i believe are just there subconscious thoughts more like a dream .

There is no cure for schizophrenia . The law will not do anything for him until something major happens . My ex ended up stabbing me which i am kind of glad happened because i got custody of my son its hard for a man to get custody but people like that have a way of making them self look good to outsiders.

The best for you is to make plans to get out of there but don't let him know . Its not going to be easy and your going to feel like your betraying him but you have to remember they are very good in brain washing people and he has you brain washed to the point your going to feel guilty .

If you go make it quick and clean . Good luck to you .

Answer 2

Why would you let someone else dictate your life?
Why wait around for him to leave?
Kick him the hell out and mean it.
Stop fighting. Do not tolerate his abuse. You teach people how to treat you. If he starts warming up to a tantrum, get out. You should not allow him to treat you like this.
This is your life. Take control over it and live it the way you want to.
Whatever you do, make sure you cannot get pregnant again. You are exposing your kid to great harm, insecurity and upset. Do the right thing and get rid of the loser.
He has problems you cannot fix. He has to deal with it. As long as he is lying to himself and everyone else and taking no responsibility to change things, he will be a loser. You need to take control over things you can and show him the door. If there is violence, throw his stupid butt in jail, call a lawyer, file for custody, and get a protection from abuse order at family court.
Call a women's shelter and get some counseling.
You have a responsibility to your child to raise him/her in a safe, loving home and shieild him/her from harm. Do it.
Think why you would allow anyone to treat you the way this man is and realize you are a good person. Stop the abuse and get him out of there.

Please.

It is not his decision whether you will put up with his abuse. It is your decision. Make it.

Answer 3

Be very smart about how you do this and you will be fine. First off start by finding a place for you and your child and when you are ready to leave call the police and ask them to escort you out of the house and away from him and they will give you time to get only the things you need and walk away. Don't let him know where you are going and get a restraining order. I am saying this because I have seen situations like this where the man because even more abusive and could hurt you or the child .......you need to leave but be smart about it when you do. You can do bad by yourself and you don't need this drama in your life. good luck to you

Answer 4

Either tell him to leave or leave yourself. Forget about the bills and all. The child's safety is the number one priority. If he gets violent, you call the police and have a restraining order against him as soon as possible. You make him leave. You do not worry about the lies he has told others. They will figure it out on their own later on. Then they will feel like idiots for believing him. You record the fights for proof. You do whatever is neccessary to protect the child and say to hell with the man.

Answer 5

I believe you know the answer to this question already, your just too afraid of that next step. Try to keep in good contact and explain to him what you are wanting, if he throws a fit, its on him. The longer you stay, the more the children see things like this and find it acceptable. I know its a hard step, I've had to do it, but you can do it. If your the one making the money, make sure that your financially stable enough to afford the seperation, wether it be divorce or breakup. In the end things always work out, but you've got to take that first step.

Answer 6

Why didn't YOU leave yet? You are the strong one that has to get control over this for your safety and especially your kid's.
This man Will NEVER leave you bc you are always there and always been. He is sure he can do whatever he wants and then come back to his "nice phase" and nice family life w/out problems every single time.
IT IS NOT FAIR! Respect yourself and show respect to your kid whos is still growing up. This man does not deserve you, ur love -- Leave before it's too late.

Answer 7

YOur husband sounds childish and he is just throwing a temper tantrum like a 4 year old.

THe next time he mentions it go and get his suitcase and tell him that you will help him pack right now. Tell him you are tired of him talking about you to the friends and if he really want s to leave then he sould leave today.

That is my opinion, Your husband was probably a Momma's boy and want the attention/

Answer 8

You leave then change your whole life. Start w/ a home for you and your child. Don't look back b/c it will kill a part of the hope you carried for so long . Cut your losses and go .You will be glad you did... One day you will meet one that finds you special and then you will be just that . A gem!!! A diamond in the rough already to be polished again....

Answer 9

You have described the classic symptoms of an abusive relationship. The reason he doesn't leave is because in most cases this is the only kind of relationship he is capable of. In other words if not you it will be someone else so why change? You however need to get out, fast.

Answer 10

I leave with my kid. This man is addicted to the abuse and the drama. He is feeding into the fact that your still there and can continue to be abusive. Anyone who is waiting for the abuser to leave will be waiting a long time, there is no intention of leaving because of the desire to continue the abuse. GET OUT! Just pack up and go, you can make it.