I caught my husband looking at another woman at the store, then he denies it, what should I do?

Question

I have caught him several times doing this. My husband is 19years older than me. He stated that he was looking for something that way. (yea right) But just swares that he was not looking at her. This is my first marriage and his third. We have a son together. What should I do?

I have caught him lying before, yes it did bother me when I confronted him and he bald face lied. We are both professionals in the law field. I just wanted the truth!!!!!!! Doesn't everyone!! This is our seventh year of marriage, we have a three year old son. So honesty is a hugh issue to me. If he had of had faith in our marriage to tell me the truth, it would not have hurt so badly. And for the gentlman that stated get to the gym... Please note that I do keep in shape in fact I try to get him to the gym with me.

I have caught him lying before, yes it did bother me when I confronted him and he bald face lied. We are both professionals in the law field. I just wanted the truth!!!!!!! Doesn't everyone!! This is our seventh year of marriage, we have a three year old son. So honesty is a hugh issue to me. If he had of had faith in our marriage to tell me the truth, it would not have hurt so badly. And for the gentlman that stated get to the gym... Please note that I do keep in shape in fact I try to get him to the gym with me.

You are so right, prehaps I do need to start worrying more about me and my son and let him do his own thing.

I have always been a firm believer in stick it out especially in a marriage.

Family values are very important to me, and I can honestly say that I have never had a desire to step out on my husband. We are both satisfied. All I was wanting was honesty!!!!!!

It did hurt to know that he could not tell me the truth, if he would have stated the truth then it would not have been a big deal!!!!!!!!!! (I should have re-phrased the question)

I am a secure woman, however I want to please him, no matter what.

So I am going to take your advise and focus on me and my wonderful baby boy and if things happen then they happen. Because as a friend told me it takes two in a marriage in order for it to work. I will just give him the same kind of treatment. Let it go and look at other men in front of him. And if it is a wake up call then great, if not great

Answer 1

You caught him? What did you say to him? Were you irritated with him? If you were irritated and/or said something unkind, then of course he'll deny it.

Hopefully by marriage #3 he's learned what he did wrong in the first 2 marriages and works to have a good and healthy marriage with you.

I always go by the philosophy that it's ok to look, so long as you don't touch. If he appreciates looking at other women, it gives him basis fore realizing that he has the best at home. While I may not be as young or slim as women my husband looks at, it's my personality and how I interact with him that's most important. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes to the bone.

Sometimes I even point out a pretty woman for my husband to notice.... not all that often, but I have done so.

If a man doesn't look at nice looking women around him, he's dead or dying. really... so try not to worry if he looks.

If you see what he's looking at, and if she's pretty... you can make an offhanded comment about how nice she looks, or what pretty hair she has. That tells him you know and you realize he appreciates how nice looking she is. You can even say something like "aren't you glad you have the best at home"... or "aren't you glad your wife is just as pretty as she is?" ... and it also says that you feel secure that YOU are the one he loves and that he's not looking to do anything... just appreciating the pretty scenery.

You also have the option of saying... I noticed you looking at that pretty gal over there... you can look and appreciate all you like... so long as you don't do anything with her. That's the bottom line... so long as he's not in an emotional or sexual relationship with any other woman, and not emailing other women, then you should not worry about his looking, unless he's like one man I met who undressed me when he met me. That's no ok.

Answer 2

You are trying to find a reason to be mad at him.

Why does it matter if he looks at women in public.
It matters not if you look at the menu as long as you don't order.
In fact if he loses his interest in looking at other women he will lose interest in you very soon thereafter.

That is not the issue here though. You are taking a supposedly innocuous thing , looking at women in a store, and making an issue of that so he avoids conflict by denying it THEN you swoop in with the big guns DON'T LIE TO ME!
You are looking for a reason to escalate this into a relationship defining moment. WHY?

As this is your first marriage you have yet to find out that honesty is not always the best policy. How about "do I look fat in these pants?".

You need to cut this out and get over it. Quit trying to create discord where there does not need to be any. And please quit trying to escalate a glance at another women into some big relationship crisis.

As for his original crime, I know that I am a people watcher. Always have been and always will be. I watch women ,and men, and try to put some story with the vision. You can't tell me that leagl types are not always trying to figure out what is going on in a person's head. Its the nature of the field. This has nothing to do with bad intent. Even if it did so what? When did peolpe in law ever get such a thing about "Honesty". He wasn't sworn in.

If he did not go over and goose her give it a rest.
Get some maturity and confidence in yourself. You are playing children control games. This stuff should stop when you leave high school.

Answer 3

You should seek counseling to get over your trust issues ! Going through life with this jealousy in your mind must be miserable. If you have a legitimate reason for being so jealous, then you need to discuss it with the hubby, but if he has never given you a reason to doubt his commitment to you, then lay off ! What's wrong with checkin out the menu as long as you don't order? As long as he is not really obvious about it and isn't whistling or catcalling women right in front of you, then don't worry about it !Don't you descretely check out hot guys in the store or in traffic on the way to work?
Hold your head up high, you have him and those chicks at the store don't ! If you need a boost of confidence, then go get your hair done and buy a fab new outfit and remind him why he married you !

Answer 4

Men look. Women look. So???? What is the bigger issue? Do you feel like he loves you less? Do you need to strengthen your marriage?
I have been married 11 years and would still notice if an attractive male went by. I am sure my husband notices pretty women. He MARRIED me, so this is where he wants to be. If he wanted some other woman, he wouldn't be here with me. Be secure or find out why you are not and fix it. It is unrealistic to think your husband will not look at other women. It IS realistic to be able to trust him and assume all he does is look.

Answer 5

Just sit down and have a talk with him so you know what each others issues are. Get this out of the way so the two of you can move on. He needs to know your big issue about lieing and that it is natural for him to look at something nice but he needs to be more descreet to respect you. Just try to have more open talks with each other about stuff like this.

Answer 6

Get over it. All men (and women look at the opposite sex) it`s human nature. And the reason he lies to you. Probably because of all your insecurities! If your that insecure over him looking at another woman, then I can only imagine how insecure you are with other things. Seriously, too much insecurities show too much weakness in a person and it`s a turn off. And if you continue this way your going to push him away. And the fact that you guys have a kid together. Who Cares. If he wants to leave. He can get custody rights to see his kid.

Answer 7

You do need to chill, u are gonna create your own problem. You'd be better of to make a sarcastic comment if you do have to say something. " See something You like?" And if your going to say that no man catches your eye but your husband. You're a liar.
Sitting there harping and blowing things out of portportion is annoying and unattractive. You keep your insecurities, don't push them on others.

Answer 8

Honey, men are going to look at other women and there's nothing wrong with looking as long as they don't touch. If you start trying to put reins on him, you're going to be headed for trouble. Don't let your paranoia get the best of you. If you are that insecure in your marriage, you'll never be happy. If you are truly honest with yourself, I'd bet, you've done it at least once yourself. Let it go!!!!

Answer 9

If he is just looking, don't fret. Men are going to look. Do you know why he was divorced twice before? If he has a history of cheating, I would worry a little. Actually, I wouldn't have married him in the first place. Leopards don't change their spots. There must be a reason why you don't trust him. What else has he done?

Answer 10

You caught him looking..... not touching there is a big difference. you shouldn't be so angry about that. I know my husband looks and I have to at times too but we would never go that extra step to cross the line, all men look and I feel all women look as well the problem is when it goes past that. chill out.