drug abuse poem, what do you think?

Question

Intravenous Drug Abuse
The delicate strand of my vein
Is the highway to escape my pain.
The air gets stuck in my throat when I see red,
I hold my breath while the beast is fed.
When the syringe is emptied out,
The joy in my mind is what I’m talking about!
That sweet rush that warms your seat
Is something I could endlessly repeat!
I dream at night of my next blast,
Anticipating the future, savoring the past.
Every time the deed is done,
I patiently await the next one.
Sometimes I wait only hours, soon I fear waiting years
For my drug I shed real tears.
I know I will never quit
Part of who I am is getting lit.
I accept both sides of the deal,
I tremble when my dreams become real.
If I’m forced to feel it when it hurts,
I’m gonna relish it when the blood spurts.
I accept my addiction, my muse
I clarify, I confuse.
Just let your judgments lie,
For me the only good that exists is when I get high.

i wrote this 2 years ago, fyi i have been sober for 18 months! just found this. N.Hackbarth

Answer 1

Brilliant,
I to have been clean for 1yr and could relate so much to your words.
Becoming clean is a journey I shall always remember.
You have to find who you are again and that takes alot of soul searching as I'm sure you will agree.

A big congratulations for being clean 18mth.
You have a talent for writing so should continue with it.
I sincerely wish you all the best for the future.

Danielle.

PS: Will you read my poem.
I was going to attach it here but feel it would not be right.

Answer 2

There is no doubt that the details you provide are both hideous and brilliantly described...a true portrayal of something far darker than most would care to admit.

That being said, you could benefit from some serious editing...not to the content, just to the lines themselves to even out the meter, the beats, etc. There are several ways to accomplish this...and I think you would be the best editor...here is some guidance.

Your first two lines:

The delicate strand of my vein
Is the highway to escape my pain.

You have a few choices...one, you could turn it into a ver personal piece by saying,

"Notice the delicate strand of my vein?"
"It's the high-way to escape my pain"

The only change was adding "notice" to the first line, the addition of "It" and the hypenation of "high-way" in the second. The "notice" brings the reader towards you, makes them look at your veins along with you. "It" allows you detach yourself from the vein and speak of it in the third person. The hypenation plays on the "high" and "way" of your draft in a way that makes it a bit more obvious that there is a double entendre there. The lines also flow more easily off the tongue. This is the subtle editing that your poem could use to make it better. Again, you don't want to edit to change the intent, just how it's presented. You want to draw the reader in...show them, don't tell them. You have some very vivid images, present them to their best advantage.

I hope this gives you some ideas,

keep writing

Answer 3

each time somebody brings into the typical public expertise the horror of drug abuse, I say that's a competent ingredient. human beings affected ought to seek for out Codependent nameless communities (or Al-Anon), their medical doctors, and community help businesses, and how you could superb help get human beings bothered by using drug dependancy get the help they want.

Answer 4

Brilliant. You should print this poem and paste it everyplace. This is perfect. You should send this to a newspaper or a magazine. You have created it very well.