why is emptiness becoming more and more of a plight?

Question

why is emptiness becoming more and more of a plight?
you can only feel her presence in the dark shadowy moonlight,
darkness gives her comfort and peace as shame she has nothing to hide,
her existence may not valid to you staring eyes,
she never feel insecured as a duck she may look like,
a cute pigeon she may be and will be as the time hike.

why is emptiness becoming more and more of a plight?
you can only feel her presence in the dark shadowy moonlight,
darkness gives her comfort and peace as shame she has nothing to hide,
her existence may not valid to you staring eyes,
she never feel insecured as a duck she may look like,
a cute pigeon she may be and will be as the time hike.

i have faint idea y i wrote these. cos it written quite a few years ago. dont ask me why is like that. feel free to comment

Answer 1

Maybe because it's as if you may feel as if you are being put under pressure !?! & just not sure why or how to deal with whatever reason this pressure is being applied!?! & or how to deal with it so that you can maintain!?! Or stop it!! and alot more than you may realize would show just how much of a sOo,`called friend they ?are? ;Possibly leaving you with that empty feel of how nobody truly cares,leaving you to deal with a situation on your own ! ? ! ;-`{ So truly they look like one in the same even more`,so if you might not have someone that you might be able to confide in !?! & emptiness can be a scary thing to some!?! Who really wants to sit in an empty room longer than they'd have to.

Answer 2

Your title could be shortened to simply "emptiness" or "emptiness becomes" perhaps. However, there are a few things I'd recommend you do. First, add punctuation so we know where a phrase begins and ends, as in the line, "darkness gives her comfort and peace as shame she has nothing to hide"...should there be a comma after "peace"? after "shame"? Also, there are other grammatical errors; corrected they'd be:
"darkness gives her comfort and peace, as shame, she has nothing to hide"
"her existence may not be valid to your staring eyes"
"she never feels insecure"

Other times there are words that don't fit...such as "time hike"...what is time hike?

The real trick to good poetry is making the sentence or phrase sound "natural"...and if you do this in rhymed poetry, it must rhyme as well. You would probably not say, "as a duck she may look like", you'd say, "she may look like a duck". See what I mean?

Your poem tried to portray "emptiness" as a woman; this is called "personification", and when you do that, you should capitalize the word so we know it is a person's name and not just a noun. Since emptiness is a person in your poem, you have a problem with the word "plight". It would be the same as asking, "why is Joe becoming a plight?" Well, Joe can't become a plight...because a plight is something that comes from a thing that happens. Starvation is the plight of those without food; emptiness is the plight of those who don't have something to fill their lives. However, the minute you personify emptiness, you lose the ability to really sell it as a plight.

You might also want to capitalize the words at the beginning of each line unless the line is enjambed and you want to only capitalize the words at the beginning of the sentence.

Just some suggestions and comments.

Keep writing

Answer 3

because the more you are tortured by the feeling of emptiness, the more you beg someone to fill up that emptiness.

Answer 4

you are amazing i read that and i felt you were talking about myself your dont see yourself as others do i know this but that was a awesome poem thank you

Answer 5

Go to church, any church, make some friends before you fade away into nothingnessssssssss

Answer 6

bc emptiness is pain. what do u have to live for if your heart is empty?