My husband ( who I love) can't stand cheaters, and I lost more friend and family because of it what to do?

Question

My husband comes from a family of cheating women at least 5 generations of them that he knows about!

His great GRANDMOTHER cheated, and got pregnant with 2 other mens baby's, his GRANDMOTHER cheated and had at least on child by another man, his mother cheated, his 4 aunts on mothers side cheated, his sisters cheated and gotten divorced because of it it has in short made my husband "AWARE" of what to look for and can spot a cheater "ANYWERE" at anytime!

I have 2 childhood friends one lives only a mile away from us and the other lives in DENVER, and when we all got together my husband knew they were cheating so he exposed them both it got bad and now both are getting divorced!

My husband wont tolerate a cheat who ever it is and exposes them without mercy, when I asked him why he just said he still sees his father crying after what his mother did to him!

Side note when his mother cheated he found out and exposed her , when she started to yell at her husband he broke her nose!

his mother still to this day wont talk to him and that was 15 years ago!
I would like my husband to show some restraint but know this is not going to happen so what would you do?

He's a great husband full of love, and shares everything with me without me even asking, and does all the cooking and takes classes (at least 1 every semester for 10 years of marriage) in our home ( I hate it, he loves it) and more then pulls his weight around the house!

Any suggestion because we have been black listed at family functions and social party's with friends, or should I say former friends!

I know it's mental hell for him to be around them but it's hurts to have friend say no thanks when you ask them over because your husband wont accept them!

What to do?
No I'm not going to DIVORCE HIM!

Sadly I think everyone cheats now!
I know he hasn't !
I WONT!

Answer 1

So i guess you think you have a husband that would never cheat on you,husbands like your are the biggest cheater because they know how to get away with it. Remember cheating runs in his family and just because he can't stand a cheater doesn't mean he isn't one himself.Just be very careful don't give him to much freedom. Your husband might love you but he doesn't respect you or any women for that matter.My husband is some what like yours his mother and her mother were cheaters and he would see his dad cry when his mother was with her lover so i know what you are going through and it's not as pretty a picture as you make it sound. I know he puts you through a lot because what he has seen himself. My husband also hates cheaters until he did it himself that's why i said not to think he wouldn't do it to you because chances are he will. I know what you are thinking right now, you know your husband and you know he would never do that to you,lets hope for your sake he doesn't because if he does it will almost kill you because he has convinced you that he would never hurt you like he has been hurt. Any man who not only hits women but his own mother shame shame on him and you for making him sound like a perfect husband when you know he isn't. He doesn't even have friends so it's just you two for ever and ever. You say you know he has never cheated on you,how in this world would you know that unless you are with him 24/7 or can read his mind you don't know that he has never cheated on you,that's just wishful thinking on your part. It must be wonderful living with a saint who brakes his own mothers nose and thinks he has done nothing wrong.

Answer 2

Whatever anyone on here says, everyone makes mistakes. It happened once and she clearly feels terrible about it, so obviously this should really be a one off. Hopefully she has learnt her lesson and realises that going out and getting completely wasted and not being in control is dangerous and could seriously endanger her relationship with you. If you think you could put your pride to one side and give it another try then you should sit down and tell her that you want to draw a line under what happened and want to focus on the future but that means her being responsible when going out with her friends - that being your main condition. Also reassure her that her self harming isn't proving anything. What would prove her love to you is if she continues her commitment to only you from here on out. However - if you think you will never really be able to fully forgive or trust her again, and if you feel that this situation has changed your feelings towards her completely, then it might be in both of your best interests to end this now before you feel resentful and take it out on her, which may lead to more self harm and even an uglier break up.

Answer 3

Well he's one of deep convictions, and im thinking u probably knew this before you married him..

Where ur friends are concerned, why would u even let him know about it if u knew how he felt about it? i cant imagine that your gf's wouldnt just tell him openly that they cheated on their husbands, im thinking thats something they may tell u .. so if im right, then the fact that ur losing friends over it is because u decided to stir the pot urself when u exposed their secrets to your husband. Because ive neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr known women to tell another womans husband bluntly that they cheat on their man. So id find that extremely odd if that was the case.

Cheating is wrong, no doubt, and he is entitled to feel what he wants to feel about it, and he does harbor alot of his own emotional pain that seems to fuel his conviction to expose those.. and although it may not be any of his business to expose those that do it.. at the same time, maybe those that dont want to be exposed should keep their mouths shut and keep their affairs secret if they dont want to be exposed.. he shouldnt have to change how he feels to suit others.. nor should others have to change how they feel to suit him..

And i must say im very surprised that he doesnt have u followed by detectives with all the cheating women around him , and his own personal issues about cheating, usually men like that are constantly accusing the woman they are with of cheating.. out of the fact that all other women they've known or loved cheated.. so i must say that part surprises me .. but im glad he's not hounding u day and night, cause alot of men would in his situation.. of every where he looks women are cheating..

Answer 4

Your husband's "ability" to spot a cheater anywhere sounds to me like it's his way of isolating you from those among your friends and family he does not approve of, for whatever reason. You want to be careful, cutting off contact between you and possible support systems is usually the first step that an abuser takes to get you under his control. Do you have anyone else's word (besides your husband's, that is) for all those cheating women in his family going back generations? I didn't think so.

Answer 5

He needs counseling. He needs it to work through his issues with women. It obviously is an issue in his family. It's amazing he ever married at all! I think he is also worried he may have to call you on it someday. He also sounds like a man who thinks all women are cheats. A counselor will help him with that and will also encourage him to repair his relationship with his mother. He had no right to hit her. I understand why he did. He truly needs counseling or his behavior will only get worse and will come between you and him as well.

Answer 6

I hate cheaters too. Good for your husband. Why worry about spending time with cheaters? Find quality people to hang with. I wouldn't want to be with them either. Cheaters are scumbags. Tell your husband that there needs to be more men like him (and me) in the world. And you... you're blessed to have him. So many men cheat like it's nothing. I'd admire and respect him all the more for what he's doing.

Answer 7

your husband has very definite ideas on cheating and does not want those type of people around his home or influencing his wife. when u cheat there are consequences. your hubby knows what cheating has done to his family, and is right in not wanting them around him. these people are not your friends not really, just be glad u have a husband with morals.

Answer 8

Perhaps he is so obsessed with his past personal problems. That he doesn't care if he ruins his present life, to say nothing of his ruining other people's lives.

If he acts as a busybody and interferes in other people's relationships. Then of course everybody will stay away from him and from you too because you are with him.

Obviously, you are not happy in your marriage with him because of his behavior. And I suggest that you go together with your husband for some marriage counselling.

He is not just ruining his life. He is ruining yours too. And sooner or later you'll probably want to divorce him, if he doesn't change his behavior.

That's why I suggest marriage counselling.

Answer 9

That's not a case for divorce, it's a case for some therapy.

It sounds like he has some major issues with his mother and with his family. And need to one work through those issues, and two work on controlling his need/desire/fixation on meddling in other people's personal lives when it comes to cheating.

Answer 10

imo he's done nothing wrong

if ur gonna cheat expect the worse....don't blame others for exposing u cuz ur not suppose to be doing that **** in the first place


be more considerate for the spouse that ur cheating on

it's like robbing a bank, murdering someone and then getting pissed at the person that called the cops on u

pathetic