I have been married for 21 yrs, now he left. How do I start over? My life has always been mom, wife, work.?

Question

I feel so lost. any advice?

we were the best of friends all along. we could talk for hrs. about almost everything under the sun. were great partners in our business. But as far as intimacy or our relationship as husband and wife, that was topic we did not speak of. I lost my best friend and business prtner. I feel like i was side swiped.

thank you all for your comments. it does help.

Answer 1

Like most said you need to focus on the future. I don't know about you but I know many people that don't like being alone. I don't, actually hate it.

If you are someone that doesn't want to be alone. Make some time for yourself to go out and meet new people.

Or you can find someone online and be friends that way too.

If you want to talk offline on this subject or any other subject I am willing to talk with you.

Good Luck

Answer 2

In as much as you lost your spouse, It is amazing that your marriage is almost a sucess story, hardly do people cross ten years but you made it to 21 years.
Marriage has stages just as human life:
1. The beginning stage: this occurs between the wedding and the first pregnancy.
2. The second stage is the expansion stage: here is where you can see your life as a mom, wife and worker.
3. The third Stage is (many does not pray for it) contrast stage: This starts when, loved one,such as last child leaves home as a result of turning 18, at some point thee will be no work due to health,instead of mom you become grandmom and so on...

Though the rhythm of your marriage took a sharp contrast, I would advice you to move on with your life with the rich experience you've got. Always remember that what you leave with your children is all they will have.

Answer 3

Grieve, you have the right to be sad. Cry for a couple of months, work out while you are doing it. Take a walk, get involved with your church. Take a class. Once you have had a good long cry and have talked to everyone who will listen get on a dating service. My friend met her new husband on Perfect Match and he is far better than her last husband in everyway.

Counsel your kids about the divorce. Realize that the only real end is death. Do not waste your life crying over yesterday but for now pamper yourself. Get massages, get a manicure, pedicure. Get a new haircut. Write a book. Go to the beach if you live next to one...walk, walk, walk. Put one foot in front of the other one. Pray if you are religious. Cry when you feel like it and do it right, scream, hollar, drool.....it's okay to let it all hang out....do it when you are driving on the freeway at night so no one can see you. It's okay. But think of a date in the future that you want to be better, perhaps in 6 months to a year. Then taper it off. If your husband died would you "never" get over it? No, you would grieve but realize that he is gone forever. Think of it that way. Be strong, if he tries to come back for some afternoon delight say no. Do a walking meditation, count your steps 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2....each time your husband or what he did comes into your mind say outloud "NO" and after awhile you will forget him.

Life is wonderful, but we all experience pain and we should honor the process and then get on with living. Lastly, watch movies or shows that make you laugh. No romantic stuff. God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 4

Same thing happened to me. I was married for 21 years with him for 24 years. Tough...all my adult life. Hang in there. Brighter and happier days are right around the corner. You still are mom and still have work. Focus on those things. Get involved in new things as time permits with kid/work schedules. Take time for you, bet you haven't done that in a long time. Figure out who you are. What you like. Try community ed. I took a spanish class. Change is always hard good or bad. Thats why you feel lost. Time will help you get over that lost feeling. Soon you will be thinking hey this single thing is pretty darn nice. Good luck and chin up.

Answer 5

The mom and the work stay in focus. It is the alone time that needs to be filled! You no longer are a part of the "couple" that defined you so you need to find the pieces that spark your interest. Movies, books, other single moms, friendships that have been overlooked, classes you've wanted to take, hobbies you've never kept up with or tried, a new hair color, clothes he never wanted you to wear, exercise, fantasies to think about and experiment with, new email pen pals!

Do not sink into the abyss! You need to believe that you can be you without the "us". Send me a note and we can talk. Or at least try to make new friends that have similiar experiences.

Answer 6

It won't be real easy to begin a new life. Since you have being living for your family all this time. You should look at it as a new adventure. Now you can decide what you want to eat, with out having to consider anyone else. You can eat when ever you want, you can do what ever you want that you can afford. You can to back to school and find a good job.There is a whole world of new and interesting things to do. You will have to get used to going and doing by yourself, but once you get the hang of it, there will be no pinning you down.
Or if you have friends that want to go too, why not. You have no one to answer to now. It may be the beginning of the best time of your life. Go for it, enjoy. If you get busy, it will help you get past your broken heart too. If you feel the need, seek grief counseling, it may help you get over your past life and begin your new better one.

Answer 7

Hi i know how you feel when you have been married for such a long time then it suddenly changes,,,you need to start taking care of your self (baby) yourself ,, you cant start your life over... but you can put yourself first ...something you haven't done in a long time,,,,right ??live a day at a time ,,, don't worry before you know it you will be living a better life than when you was with him,,, do yourself a favor and never take him back because he will do it again,,,believe me,,, because when he sees that you are looking good and living better than you where with him ,,, he will try anything to get back with you,,, don't make a big mistake OK
i hope that everything works out well for you
good luck
Leena

Answer 8

Have your attorney apply for education expences and support till u cann get an approiate job to ur accustom life style.Take everything and store it if u dont he'll have it they say good stuff but watch out .he has a new adviser and U can bet she s nor on Ur side.Take care of U no one else will. Wish I could have the freedom again I'm now the CAREGIVER WHEN THE OTHERS GOT THE HANDSOME PLAYBOY.Totally PSSSSSST.

Answer 9

I had the same question, and to tell you the truth I don't know how to tell you this, I was all of that for 10 years, and it felt as if though my life was over. But my kids pulled me through. I'm not the greatest mom ever, I have become very selfish. something i wasn't when I was married, I always thought about them first, but since I have been single I dress up, pamper myself, go to school (college), I think of it this way, if I'm happy my kids will be too, and you will attract positive outgoing guys tooooo/

Answer 10

At your own pace, find several activities that can hold your personal interest and time and allow you to meet new people and make new friends. Change as many of your surroundings as you can to get rid of things that make you uncomfortable or remind you of past relationships. Talk to other relatives, parents, children and close friends of yours to maintain a comfortable social setting. Make a list of things to do and places to go and put this list into action. Concentrate on YOU and be very good to yourself. Best wishes.