Me and wife of 8 years splitting up. Bad stuff on both sides. She cheated on me while at a summer job.?

Question

With 3 different guys. Last guy she says she is in love with, and not me. BUT, always a but right? She says to everyone including New Love, that I am the Best father in the world. And she says to everyone that I am her BEST friend. affair with new love started july 1 2007. me and wife had had sex, but not made love in a LONG time. She told me all this August 3. On August 11, we started making love! We are also communicating better and actually talking. But she still maintains that she is in love with New Love, and isnt in love with me. Holding her we both say we love each other. We did start talking last night about sleeping apart, and how the lovemaking would only happen when we needed (or wanted) it. she says counseling fine to keep our friendship only. She also says plans on moving in with him in January. we have 2 kids 7 & 5. She is not suppose to have any more kids, medically. Lot more but thats enough for now

Answer 1

Keep everything, send her *** packing with nothing. And don't let or take her back in.

Answer 2

Well, I think it's time to let go. She is in love with another man and she loves you, but as the father of her children and as someone she has known for a long time. It's a hard reality, but you can't hold on to thin air. The quicker you accept that she is gone, the quicker it will be for you to find your own happiness. And you will. You are getting along better now and talking because it is understood that she doesn't want to be intimate with you and that she cares for someone else, and it's kind of "okay" with you, as long as you have her around. She probably feels sympathetic towards you and is going to coddle you until it's time to go. And then what? What happens to you? Start letting her go now. Don't make it too comfortable for her...she did you wrong, plain and simple, and she still is because you are allowing it. Do you remember that song from the Four Seasons, "Walk Like A Man"? "My own father, said, give her up, don't bother, the world isn't coming to an end. I'm gonna walk like a man, fast as I can, walk like a man from you. I'll tell the world, forget about it girl, and walk like a man from you". Those are some of the words to that song. Listen to them and gain a little dignity. If she doesn't love you, she will at least respect you. And tell her not to let the door hit her in the ***. Good luck to you on becoming a "man".

Answer 3

i am profusely sorry to learn of the pain that has been inflicted.

you have withstood pressures that, as muhammad ali said... 'would tear down the walls of a city.'

!!!! congratulations on your strength and civility!!!!

rejection is the most intense emotional pain that can be inflicted on human or animal.

clearly you love her and you want to try to work it out. unfortunately, her conduct is beyond reasonable and is unacceptable.

at this point the only thing you can do is to look out for the benefit of your children and yourself. you will need the help and support of your mother and family.

in this circumstance, you need to let her go and make a new way and life for you and the kids.

tough as it will be, you should not touch her anymore, now or in the future. she could infect you with some form of std. you need to get checked as soon as possible. veneral disease or aids is not what you need now.

the withdrawal will be more difficult than a cold turkey drug separation. however, it is something you must do. it is essential!

not only will it be difficult for you, your children already know things are not ok with mom and dad. it will be tough for them also. this is where your mother and family comes in. they can provide emotional support.

by the way, if she must wait till january to move in with the new person, it tells me he is just getting free milk and meat and will dump her at year end (december 31).



the upside is, as they say.... 'love is sweeter than clover honey but more bitter than the dregs of sin.'
you have experienced the bitter part. the sweet part awaits you.

you can love again and you will find a woman to give you the sweetest love you could never imagine existed.

best wishes.


more upsides,


you are strong and you are a survivor.

you will have your children.

you will thrive and do well..

Answer 4

Well, as long as you continue to meet so many of her needs, but allow her to play on the side, she will not see what she is losing. "New Love" is not have to deal with all her baggage, her kids, the household, the bills, etc. You are doing all of that. So, the affairs are just 'fun', no responsibilities.

She is the "cakeman" (or woman). She has it all right now. Your allowing her to continue.

Let her start to see what life will be like without you and possibly the kids. See an attorney and get some advise about your rights and coustody issues. Do you want one of those men living with your kids? It puts them at risk for abuse.

Sometimes, a couple in crisis will do something referred to as 'hysterical bounding' as one tries to reach out physically during intense emotional pain.

As long as she is continuing the affair, then counseling will not be to affective.

I suggest that you figure out that what you are doing NOW is not working. Not that you are at fault, because this is all about her and her esteem issues or something lacking in her.

Put a short time frame on her making a final decision, either leave or end all contact. That after (___) weeks, you will start legal proceedings. Start that counseling to get things started, if for no other reason than to help your children adjust to this change. Then, withdraw from her, don't make things easy, have contact as minimal as possible. Let her see what her life will be like without you. It might finally wake her up as to what she is losing. If it doesn't work, then it is a start for YOU to move on. You can tell her that when she is willing to really work on the marriage and stop all contact with these other men, that you are willing to start rebuilding the marriage, but you cannot wait for her forever, it is just to painful.

Start plan B. Your plan right now is just enabling her to continue her distructive behavior.

Answer 5

Dude are you losing your man hood, man up damn it get a second job and leave her a$$ alone, she is confused because you allowed her to take charge of your relationship, she thinks she's the man in this relationship thats not cool at all, what you need to do is get you a young tenderloin, meaning a nice hot chick you can chill with on the weekends and live it up, mean while cut that situation short shes playing you like a XBOX 360, better yet the old version. Do not have sex with her it's a health risk there is to much stuff to catch out there and thats nasty. Yucky! As my dad use to say a female that runs around alot will have your thing in a sling, "LOL"

I hope I helped you out!

Answer 6

If I were you, I wouldn't let her touch me. What is the point in being with some one who openly says they don't love you, they love someone else, that they are committing adultery with? She is planning on moving in with some other guy in January and you are still hanging on to her.
Her head must be as big as a house, cause she has all these guys drooling all over her. Nasty.

You are worth more than that you know. You deserve to have a faithful wife, and that isn't her. You know there are some deadly diseases out there. I hope you are going to the doctor to make sure she didn't give you one. I hope you stop being her doormat that she wipes her feet on as she moves back and forth between beds. Yuck.

You have the one reason you need to get a divorce and that is her committing adultery, not once, but several times. I'm not sure what your question is, but I would divorce my spouse if he was doing all that and saying he didn't love me, but loves someone else, who he will be moving in with in a few months. I would so kick him to the curb and not let him back. The kids would be the only dealings I would have with him.

Answer 7

I would say that's it for now... Obviously your wife has some problems. Obviously she is no more in love with the new guy than she is with you since she can still hop from his bed to yours. If you still love her, then offer to go to marriage counseling with her to try to save your marriage, but on the condition that during the time you are seeing the counselor, she is not to have contact with the other guy. If she needs to have her space and not sleep with you, so be it, but do not be her doormat while she jumps from one bed to another, one professed love to another. You need to be very concerned about how all of this is affecting your children. A family counselor might help.

Answer 8

What's your question? If you're asking if your marriage can be saved, that's impossible to answer. It sounds to me like she's emotionally immature and selfish. It also sounds like she's about as done with your marriage as she could be.

From my perspective, cheating is unforgivable. One guy would end the marriage for me. Three is just nailing the coffin shut.

Move on and take some comfort in knowing that she'll eventually devastate the next guy as much as she did you. Meanwhile, maybe you'll find someone who will actually appreciate, love, and respect you.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry! Hard when one person isn't committed to the relationship. You have to let her go and be strong. Your kids are relying on you to take them through all this that is going to turn their world upside down. Be there for them and give them a big hug.

Answer 10

go to legal aid and protect your children.If she runs w/ you there whats the deal when ur out of the picture.Get counseling if U like but your about to be wiped out by your best friend .Wish you and the children the very best

Answer 11

i bet she gets pregnant very soon, and you get an STD. leave her NOW. things will not get better. get custody of the kids. if she's that big of a b*tch, she won't care about the kids. good luck. get checked. 3 guys in one summer is a lot. especially when one is MARRIED.