How can I build my husband's self esteem???

Question

I am looking for some married men to help me out on this one..
We both work, I am the bread winner, mother of 2, self employed, he works 2 good jobs, we love each other, but I wear the pants, he hates it, wants to wear the pants, I want to let him, but certain 'beyond our control steps' need to happend first and we are not quite there. But in the meantime, what can I do to build him up???

Answer 1

why should he wear the pants. don't you both wear pants? who cares who makes more money or how high up on the prestigous ladder your job is. as long as both of you are doing your best at bringing in income and taking care of each other.

Answer 2

First. make sure in the areas of the bedroom he feels like a man and let him know that he does it for you and noone else can ever do it for you like he can. Men tend to think of love as sex more than women do...honestly they do. Also, make sure to tell him that all the other things he does are important, make sure you notice when he takes out the trash or takes the car in for an oil change...let him know all he does is needed even more because you aren't able to do all those things. Leave him little notes and make time for him...just him. A date and if this goes on please seek counseling from your church or work or a professional. It isn't something you want to allow to build up too much, get help and talk about it so he can understand you are a famiy and families work together and don't hold a persons abilities against them but support them for the good of the whole family! He may listen to another man counselor or a good friend. Good luck. Many people have no job and no wife or husband and are struggeling...being thankful would be a good idea.

Answer 3

Well, Im not a man but i'm a married women and i think that i can give you some good pointers. You should find the time to compliment him on his good qualities. Not just his physical qualities, but also the good things about him - for example what is it that you love about him so much. Tell him about that and compliment him on it. Let him know that you love him and that you love the time and work that he's putting in with the children, because that is a full time job within itself. Dont do it one day and stop. try to make it a common thing to compliment him on whatever it is that he does, whether it be him grocery shopping once a week or paying a bill. Let him know how sexy you think he is. Make him feel wanted. I think that this is a good way to build self-esteem. Because although you are making the money, he is still doing his part. It doesnt make him any less than a man just because you are the one working as long as he is doing a wonderful job with the children and you are satisfied with it. 50/50 is still 50/50 no matter who is doing what part. That my dear is whats important. Good Luck, and God Bless!

Answer 4

Why do you feel the need to wear the pants all the time? That alone stomps on his self-esteem.

He is trying to communicate to you and you are ignoring him so the two of you sit down and discuss the issue and you learn to step back and let him have control more. There are always subtle ways of doing things without making the other person feel bad about themselves.

Stop and listen to yourself when you talk to him. Even record yourself regularly so you can listen to yourself later and figure out how to tone down your attitude/comments, etc.

Do little things to remind him how special he is to you. Have someone take the kids for the night and fix his favorite dinner and put candles throughout the house to give it that romantic look. It will give him a chance to relax and enjoy the evening with just the two of you.

It sounds like you hear him but you really don't listen to him. Be sure he knows how much you appreciate the little things he does around the house or things he does for you specificially.

Send him love cards every now and then to remind him how much you love him.

Be positive around him as much as you can and do things to make him laugh which will help him relax.

Learn to tease him with that twinkle in your eye that says HE is the one and the only one. Learn to put some spice in your marriage and communicate......

http://www.lovingyou.com/content/ideas/list/

Answer 5

A person's love and self esteems are inside and don't come from the outside. We can tap into it. No one can carry another person emotionally for long. But your life is about to change. I have some websites on my profile, all free. You'll both bless me if you 'get it'. What makes women always right and four of five levels in? Intuition, and all that comes with it, right? Men can have more intuition than the average women and women can too. I have plenty of long answers, listed again under my profile, to add my two cents, but the experts have techniques. I do this because I want to encourage the mind shift, the paradigm and emotional shift, they have been expecting for so long. It will revolutionize the world, if we get it done, before we're done. Help me spread the love.

Answer 6

This task takes time and determinations. I recently created the same thing for my husband and me, but it was never about the "who wears the pants".... It's more about empowering your husband and cheering him on for every responsibility that he takes. But you also can sit with your husband and ask him what part of the responsibility he feels makes him comfortable to take on to make him feel like the man of the household. Don't criticize if he doesn't do things the way you do, let him make his own mistakes and come to you for advise or just find his own way. If you want him to be an adult you must treat him like an adult.
let him grow up on his own. Good luck.

Answer 7

You don't want your husband to "wear the pants" because you like to be in control.
Not only your husband needs to grow some self esteem: you needs to grow your self esteem too. I don't see a lot of respect from you toward your husband, you treat him like a child, you enjoy "mothering" him then come here asking "how you could build some self esteem" for him. M'am, he's your man, no a child.Think about it, why do you need to be in control ? why do you have to "wear the pants" ?, I think both, your husband and you have a disfunctional relationship, not a good role for your children.
Good luck !

Answer 8

You can't. As a woman who is the main breadwinner in my household, I know that it is difficult to watch the man you love feel guilty about not being the breadwinner. But you can't "build him up" he needs to step up. Anything you do to try to build him up is just pushing him around.

Some guys just "aren't made to wear the pants" and they need to learn to accept and even revel in it. You need to start giving him enough rope to hang himself, and let him do what he needs to do.

Answer 9

as a gay woman who is friends with a married man...you got to let him feel he is strong, fit, and let him take the lead now and then...if you keep rubbing your the woman/man in the family he will really begin to resent you. compliment him, let him take responsibility and give him the way to show you he can be that man. do this by making him feel and do well for himself. this seems like an issue of trust too, so let him take charge of things sometimes for a change.

Answer 10

How about you go out and get a man for yourself. Okay so you make more money,want to be the boss? Where's the problem? He should be happy.