A guy I love loves someone who is dead. What should I do?

Question

I love him but he loves someone who is dead. He cries and I don't know what to say. What should I do?

Answer 1

How long has this person been dead? were they together? how close were they?

The best you can do is just be there for him. they may act like selfish jerks sometimes but remember they are not of right mind either. So you can talk if that will work, or just be patient and be a good friend and give them a chance to sort this out.

best of luck

Answer 2

How long has this person he loves been dead? If it's a recent loss, then all you can do is be there for him as someone who cares and supports him. If it's been several years, then I would suggest you cut your losses and explain to him that you can't compete with a dead person. Think about it, dead people can never do anything to hurt him, and since we have a tendancy to place our deceased loved ones on a pedestal, no matter how imperfect they were when alive, you can never fit, there's only room for one person at a time on such a small space. You may hurt for your loss for a season, but if he won't or can't accept a living loved one over a deceased one, you really should get on with the living of your own life.

Answer 3

No matter where he is in his mourning process, his heart is in pain and not ready to love again.

If his mourning has persisted longer than a couple years, you can fairly well determine that he's "stuck" in his process. He needs help to move on from the death that he can't seem to overcome yet.
There are things you can "do" to help. Search out and make a list of counseling services, locations and phone numbers in your local area. Talking and getting these things outside of your mind and heart is what gives them air so they can heal.

Without knowing any more details than you have given, I'd say you probably also need to talk to somebody about the "process" of mourning so that you better understand the different stages of mourning and how really difficult and life changing it is. If you truly love this person, you won't allow him to remain stuck and you'll gladly get him some help for HIS sake.
And you'll also come to recognize that any chances of a relationship between the two of you is pretty much on hold until understanding and healing can take place on both your parts.

Answer 4

If you love him then stand by him in his grief, unless this is something that you feel that you cannot do and remain healthy. He does not have to stop loving the dead person in order to love you. Time will tell. But again, do not let your own well being drift too far. Try to overcome any negative effects this has on you, as a tool for maturing, but do not force yourself beyond a healthful rate of progress with it.

Answer 5

The only thing you can--listen. Just listen to them and hug them or hold them when they cry. Grief is a natural behavior. You can not put a time limit on it so patience is also important.
When he cries and you feel like you don't know what to say, that's okay. You don't have to say anything.
You could tell them that you are so sorry that they are feeling this bad. Maybe ask if there is anything you could do.

Answer 6

Obviously this person was very special to him. Support him. Assure him that this person's sin have been forgiven the the Lord and he is in eternal Paradise, and he is perfectly happy, away from this suffering world. I would recommend you go to church together, and let him know if he wants, he can talk to a priest for support. Tell him there's nothing wrong with mourning, but that surly this person would want him to be suffering, but enjoying life. Take him to the grave yard once to let him get his feelings out. But just support and spirituality is the best answer. hope this helps!

Answer 7

You're wasting your time loving a guy who loves a dead person - there is no way you can compete with a dead 'n - they'll win every time.

Here's a well-known joke to illustrate what I'm talking.
Someone might think I'm cold-hearted but hey, you're not the one in love with a corpse, are you? (that was rhetorical)

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Moishe."
The passenger says, "Who?"
"Moishe Glickman," said the cabbie. "There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Moishe every single time."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody," said the passenger.
"Not Moishe," said the cabbie. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
"Sounds like he was something, huh?" said the passenger.
The cabbie went on to say, "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
"Wow, he's some kind a guy, eh?" said the passenger.
"He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"
"Mmm, not many like that around," said the passenger
"And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
"An amazing fellow," said the passenger. "How did you meet him?"
"Well, I never actually met Moishe," said the cabbie.
"Then how do you know so much about him?" inquired the passenger.
Replied the cabbie, "I married his widow."
.

Answer 8

You simply love him. Do not want anything back ...yet, and be very very patient fill sorry that hi is suffering and wait. PATIENT.WAIT. And one day you will win you are alive and hi is alive to.....One man lost his wife in car crash. More than year hi spend in her mother place lying down on sofa looking on Natasha"s big picture buy the way she was almost 3 month pregnant hi lost a lot of wait hi did not talk to nobody but her mother he never smile.I left for business trip for 6 month.when I came back hi had girl-friend.And 2 more month he got married and later friends were hopping he will name his daughter after Natasha, but he did not. They live happy for 13 years and Natasha's photo steal in his bedroom.

Answer 9

You have to leave him. You will never truly have his love until he recovers from his loss. You my dear should not wait around waiting for his love it may never come and you will have wasted your life on a man who could never love you. Rather remain a friend who he can depend on in times of need but as for your love life there are many people out there who will love you in the way you deserve without the baggage. If it is meant to be with this guy when he is ready he will come to you.

Answer 10

give him time, perhaps greif councelling will help. I lost a dear freind who died three years ago, I still feel like crying sometimes and I take comfort in knowing that I thought enough of her that I should want to cry. Life goes on, but for some people, they just can't get passed loosing a loved one.
You NEVER get over it, you just get ON with it.