My parents invaded my bathroom while I was naked at 11. My therapist said that if she had know at of the time they would be reported, and would have a hard time getting me back. I know that my mother committed emotional incest with me, but I need help understanding whay if she was in the bathroom when I was naked at 11 why that would be a big deal. Any answers?
2007-08-18 16:01:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I would not consider that incest at all. Now, if your father did it without your mother present then that is another issue, but my mother saw me naked several times throughout my life, even at the age of 25. So, I think your therapist may not have your best interest at heart. I also don't believe that even it were reported that you would have been taken from them. There was no touching or physical contact, so there is no abuse.
2007-08-18 16:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by Lee B 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Why do you use the term "invaded", when you talk of your parents coming into the bathroom when you were in it? It makes it sound as if they were an invading army. Did your therapist use the term?
Why not just say that your parents came into the bathroom when you were in it. How could they know before they came in that you were naked? I don't see anything wrong with your mother seeing you naked at any age. It's not a big deal. It is different with your father, but not if it was by accident. Anyone can accidentally enter a room and not know that there was someone in it that was naked.
I used to work as a psychiatric RN in hospitals for 20 years. Incest is when 2 people who are close family members have sex with each other. All states allow 2nd cousins to get married. Some states make it illegal for 1st cousins to marry, and call it incest.
Your therapist sounds like she is either hysterical or has unresolved issues of her own. There are some therapists, now, that use the term "emotional incest" but I hate the practice. The condition used to be called "triangulation" in family therapy.
The condition happens when a parent gets "some" of their emotional needs for love and closeness from their opposite sex child that they should get from their spouse. Every parent gets some of their needs for love and closeness from their children, it's normal. It also can describe a condition where one child is an ally of one parent against the other parent.
It has nothing to do with "incest" and trivializes the concept of incest which is a serious thing.The term "emotional incest" also highly exaggerates something that happens in every family to some degree or another.
Now, I know nothing that is going on in your family other than what you wrote, so I don't know the whole situation. I also don't know how old you are now or if you are still living with your parents.
If you are a minor and still living with your parents I would suggest that you talk to your parents about what your therapist is telling you. If I were you, I would consider seeing a different therapist.
2007-08-19 04:04:01 · answer #2 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
By age 11 I suspect that we all want privacy in the bathroom. Your parents shouldn't have been regularly invading your bathroom privacy, especially if you didn't like it and told them so. If it only happened once in a while it would be a different matter. Some families are more casual about nudity than others. It really seems like a stretch to call this "emotional incest" though if all there was to it was your mom seeing yhou naked. Me thinks your therapist needs a therapist...and that's just my humple and ancient opinion!
2007-08-19 15:33:35 · answer #3 · answered by doctor feelgood 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's not considered incest. Emotional or any other type. Where did your therapist go to school and get his/her PhD. It must be from some bogus school cause I'm a psych major and this would not be considered that. So your mother walked into the bathroom while you were naked. So what. She's your mother. I'm sure there was no intention of anything sexual or incestuous about it at all. People these days have no common sense.
2007-08-19 00:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by thathockeychick23 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this was incest. In my opinion incest has to be of sexual motive...unless your parents invaded your bathroom because they wanted to look at you for sexual pleasure, it wasn't incest. Why don't you just ask them why they walked in on you? Because it doesn't sound like a big deal to me...maybe they were looking for something and didn't know you were in there, or maybe they thought they heard something and came to check on you? There are a million things that they could have been doing. And either way, if it only happened once and there was no touching involved I don't think it was incest. Your therapist is not being honest to you.
And what is emotional incest? I've taken psychology class and we've learned about these subjects but I've never heard that term. Like I said, I think for it to be incest there has to be some sexual touching going on...so unless she had like emotional sexual contact with you...which I don't understand...it wasn't incest.
2007-08-18 23:32:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like either your counselor is grasping at straws or you misunderstood her. Parents really should not have been with you when you are naked if you are developed which I am going to assume you had begun to do at eleven. I am sorry this happened to you but I hope that you are basing your opinions of your parents on your experiences and not being unduly influenced by your therapist.
I am a social worker who investigates things like this and honestly for your therapist to tell you that your parents would have had a hard time getting you back just based on walking in the bathroom when you were naked is overstepping a bit. Either there is more to this story that you are not telling or your therapist needs a therapist herself.
2007-08-18 23:16:59 · answer #6 · answered by Bonnie R 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Parents seeing there children naked is not incest! Your therapist should loose her liscence. Was your privacy invaded? Yes, but you'll survive. We all have embarrassing exposures at one time or another. Do you see guys naked in gym class? Then what is wrong with your father walking in on you? As long as you were not grossly, sexually impositioned, you should not be scarred for life.
Was this a repeated act? Was your mother afraid you were masterbating? Was your mother forcing you to show her your privates for sexual reasons? Have you asked her why she invaded your privacy?
2007-08-19 18:28:47 · answer #7 · answered by ElioraImmanuel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it was incest. But if you felt that she completely invaded your privacy and trust, then that IS a problem. She may or may not have meant to hurt you like that...I understand that once you hit a certain age, you don't want your parents seeing you naked anymore and it makes you feel hurt and dirty. Have you talked to her about how it made you feel? If not, maybe you should do so. It could help settle the issue (and maybe make you feel a little better).
2007-08-19 14:59:12 · answer #8 · answered by ArtsyRNmom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uh, they are your parents. Parents do see their children naked, it's just part of the deal. Who do you think changed your diaper and gave you baths?
You parents simply seeing you naked does not constitute incest. Therapists sometimes make things bigger than they ought be made to justify their job. My sister's therapist (and our family therapist for a very short time when my sister was causing problems) admitting to making stuff up to try to break my parents up because it would be better for my sister. Nevermind the other 5 of us.
You need to know your therapist's motives. And you need to find an adult you can trust.
2007-08-18 23:12:34 · answer #9 · answered by Mee 4 · 9⤊ 0⤋
I wonder from your wording if this incident really bothered you, or if it just bothered your therapist? It is actually quite normal in a lot of households for nudity between family members. Nudity and sex are different things, and it is our culture that makes us think of one as the other, not nature.
Instead of focusing on the fact that you were naked, you should try to focus on why exactly it made you uncomfortable. (If it made you uncomfortable. If not, it's your therapist's issue, not yours.) Did your mother stare at you? Did she make an excuse to get into the bathroom that made you suspicious that she wanted to see you naked? If she seemed to be acting normally (i.e. entering the bathroom because she needed to brush her hair or teeth or get something and did not seem to care either way about your nudity) then why was this a problem for you? Had she or someone else previously taught you that this was wrong? Was it simply unusual for her to come into the bathroom with you?
I have to say, I would be possibly be looking for a different therapist. I do not know the whole story, of course, and there certainly are people out there that get their jollies out of looking at naked kids (creeps who should be neutered!), but unless you have a really good reason for believing your mother was one of them, your therapist seems to be overreacting to your story and is feeding your insecurities. Find someone who will help you focus on accepting who you are and what has happened to you and how to move on and be a healthy person.
Just so you know, I am not a nudist or anything like that. Actually, I have been extremely modest to the point where I was uncomfortable being nude around my own husband. However, he was not brought up to be particularly modest, and after having kids I have relaxed a lot about family nudity. And I am much happier and feel healthier this way. My daughter is 9 and while she knows quite well it is inappropriate for her to be unclothed in front of others, she is perfectly comfortable around her family, and shows no sign of having hangups about it anytime soon. And quite the opposite of wanting to see her in her birthday suit, we generally yell at her to get in her room and put some clothes on!
I am sorry if you had some bad experiences growing up. Every child should have parents that love them and only want them to be healthy and happy. But I urge you to reexamine the incident for what it really was. It is quite possible there was absolutely nothing wrong with it other than someone trying to tell you such things are wrong.
Oh, and emotional incest? That really is a term that makes you feel violated and victimized instead of helping an emotionally abused child feel better about themselves. If your therapist really wanted to help you, she may have written the term for her own records but never should have stuck the label on you! Why would she tell you that instead of explaining that your mother unhealthily tried to make you responsible for her emotional well-being? Seems to me she is just showing off her knowledge of psychological terminology.
Good luck! Accept yourself for who you are, not what your therapist wants to make you believe.
2007-08-19 00:20:38 · answer #10 · answered by gerackie 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋