Should my husband talk to a friend from high school?

Question

My husband used to have a ton of friends, which were all girls, during high school. He has told me that he secretly had a crush on all of them, including myself, whom he eventually got with. About a month ago an old friend from high school e-mailed him to say hi. He used to have a crush on her. She has e-mailed him several times and of course, he has not responded because he knows it would bug me. A couple of days ago, she e-mailed him again and said she missed him. Am I over-reacting?

Answer 1

Nope, you're not over-reacting.

He's admitted he used to have a crush on her. She's not "just a friend". If he does e-mail her he should do it in such a way that you don't find out about it and he should keep it very casual.

The problem is, most guys don't keep it casual in a case like this. There is a romantic interest on his part and it sounds like there is on her part as well. But I might be wrong.

I wouldn't tell him he can't and I wouldn't go spying on him about it but I would watch for any tell tale signs of his getting emotionally involved. If you see that, then I'd address it.

But if he can chat a bit with her via e-mail and nothing comes of it, I don't see the harm. But you know your husband better than I do. If you have your doubts about him then I'd keep my eye on him.

The fact is that with males and females, there is almost always room for attraction. It's the attraction distraction. It doesn't help a marriage -- that's all I can say.

So do I think he "should" talk to this woman from high school? Nope. Would I? Probably. Would I tell my wife all about it? Nope. Would I let it get out of hand? Nope. But every guy is different that way.

Men who look at porn in front of their wives are tacky. Men who make a show of talking to other women in whatever form are tacky. The best is probably to totally avoid this type of thing and not have the distraction.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

If happily married for 28 years I think ,there should not be any problem. Discuss with your husband and make him understand that friend and husband are two separate entity. Husband plays a different role in wife's life. He is responsible for his family. Your friend plays an another role which may be very pure. Only the thing one should keep in mind---- Friend in need is a friend in deed. If your friendship is related to this saying ,I don't think your husband will have any objection.

Answer 3

Ummmmm depends, is ur husband man enough to be able to have a platonic correspondence through email and leave it there, just in email? nothing wrong with catching up with people u were friends with and just because he had a crush on her when he was in HS doesnt mean he still does.. i mean geeze id think most guys in HS had a crush on every girl that was decent looking just because of their hormones lol.. The fact that ur going biserk over this tells me that u dont trust ur husband.. at all!!!!!! which either means he's given u just cause to be so scared which if thats the case, then u have a right to be leary.. or YOU are the one with the issues and if thats the case then u need to realize your the problem and not him..

If he's a real man he should be able to talk over the net with a woman, and not do anything that would hurt u, or breach ur wedding vows in any way shape or form.. and if thats the case then u shouldnt freak out.. he married u, he loves u, he is faithful to u .. and if ur worried, just simply ask that u have access to correspondance they have so u dont "assume" things..

Answer 4

Who cares if they are friends?

If you love your husband, and he loves you, and you both respect each other and treat each other with respect and kindness and honesty ... WHY would you prevent him from getting together with old friends? ESPECIALLY if he includes you on it?

He should respond to her, they could catch up on old times ... and as long as he is clear that he is married to you, it will just be two old friends chatting it up. If she wants to meet, he should include you - to meet her alone WOULD be a problem, until you're both comfortable with the fact that she is ONLY interested in friendship.

Yes, I would say you're overreacting.

OMG - I just read some of the other replies from people on here. Whatever you do, do NOT stoop to answering the email for him! All that does is make you look like a skanky, catty wife who can't keep her husband any other way but controlling him ... and it will give the other woman a challenge to rise to! You'll DEFINITELY have something to worry about then!!!

Answer 5

It depends. Do you trust your husband? Does this old freind know he is married? Is this old friend married?
If you trust your husband, back off and take a wait and see attitude. If she doesn't know he is married, send her an email, introduce yourself and tell her that your husband has told you so much about her, and that you enjoy meeting his old friends. This should make it clear to her that she will be no more than a friend and put your mind at rest too. It says a lot for your husband that he not only told you about the emails, but that he has such regard for your peace of mind, that he did not even reply. Old friends can be a good thing. Old flirts, can be trouble. You have to decide what is what and go with your heart from there.
Good luck

Answer 6

OK, yes, our husbands should be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Yes, we should trust them. But do we always do what we should? We all know what we should do but if it were my husband it would be a cold day in hell before I would allow it. Leave the past where it belongs! Don't let the hussy's he had crushes on come into your life and mess with your marriage. Just go into his email account and block her. He'll never know and he'll think she just stopped contacting him. Meanwhile, on the other end, she'll finally give up when she thinks she's getting ignored. Who cares if anyone thinks this is immature. He's your man. Are you going to just stand by and let some other woman push her way into your spot?

Answer 7

Yes, I think you are over reacting. You should trust your husband. If you don't have trust then you do not have a good relationship. A friend of mine from high school emailed me a few years ago to say hi. It was nice to hear from him. His wife of 35 years found out and threw a fit. The only interest we had in each other was as old friends. I feel sorry for him because his wife is so insecure.

Answer 8

If your husband has enough integrity to not respond based on your feelings about this then I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Sounds like he's not the type of guy who let anything happen even it she did make advances. I'd ask whether this is important to him or not, and if not then leave the way it is. If so, then you need to decide if it's something that you could even deal with having happen (because sometimes we know something logically but emotionally and physically we can't let it go).

Answer 9

I can't imagine WHY someone is intent on emailing UNLESS they're getting responses. I'd suggest you emailing her back and inviting her to lunch...over iced tea and sandwiches I'd hand her copies of the emails and ask just what are her intentions..or invite her over to the house to see the reactions. As you know...your husband is getting a kick out of this, however secretly, and all it would take is him emailing her...to cease & desist immediatedly. (After all--you'd do that IF it were reversed...& it was an old "friend" that you'd had a crush on!!! It's enough that this is 'bugging' you....he should respect you enough to end this situation.

Answer 10

You need to see that your husband must have a lot of respect for how you would feel if he did respond to these emails because he has not responded. Be thankful that you have a caring husband and don't worry about what the other girls are doing.