Hurt and lonely, what would you do?

Question

To make a long story short, husband is away for a very long time, cheated since hes been gone and confessed. VERY extreme circumstances, bad situation and I am NOT making excuses for him. He did it and it was wrong, but its a long story. I love him and forgive him-point blank! He wont be home for a very long time and Im very lonely. He got his, so am I entitled to get mine? I can and know where I can. But the question is do i or dont i? Ive never cheated before, ever. This is the one time in my life where i wonder if i could, bc i would NEVER think it if he was home and I KNOW he wouldnt have if he had never left. (The being apart issue, we dont have a choice, Uncle Sam said so) I know I would feel guilty if I did, but I feel like it would relieve the stress i am going through. It would be a one time thing and then NEVER again. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me, that is what makes this situation so hard. If he did it, can I? Pls dont hate me,I'm just hurt and lonely.

I would never think of this if he didnt do it first. I know it can make things more complicated, bc I could NEVER tell him. I just wonder if im being a little selfish. I am exetremely sexually frustrated and that is why this is so hard for me, bc I have never cheated and this is the first time in my life I have ever considered it. I really do love my husband.

I honestly believe that i miss the idea of having someone hold and touch me.

I swear....I am not trying to pay him back, im just so frustrated right now

Answer 1

Do you think that cheating on your husband will make you feel better, really??? To me it sounds like you would feel so guilty. Do you really want to feel that way. Look, it is normal for what you are feeling, but two wrongs don't make a right. If you and your husband are able to move on after what he did than good for you, but you will set yourselves up two steps backwards if more infiedelity takes place. It's just not worth it. If you still feel the need to cheat it is obvious you don't need to be in a marriage... do your vows mean anything to you?

Answer 2

Ever hear the old saying, "two wrongs don't make a right"? Whether or not you deserve a ride on the infidelity wagon is beside the point. I understand about being hurt and lonely, but what you're contemplating has to be lived with for the rest of your life. Once you do something like that, there's no going back. If you can justify it and live with it, then do it. If you truly love him and want to keep what you have with him from getting any worse, then don't. Vengeance is sweet, but the conscience bitter. Buy some "toys" to relieve your stress. Hang in there and good luck.

Answer 3

The answer to your question as asked ("...he got his, so am entitled to get mine?") is no. There is no such entitlement, though many people reciprocate in kind under these circumstances. That's not what marriage (or forgiveness) is about, though. If you both intend to pay each other back for each mistake, hurt feeling, and misdeed you ever do to each other, you will quickly unravel the fabric of your marriage until it is in tatters. Consider it this way: He did what he did, and wrong as it was, it was at least a bona fide mistake. If you reciprocate, it will also be a mistake, but one done with malicious intent....you will have set out to do it. That doesn't even the playing field so much as it further drags you both down. You chose to forgive him, so you should. I know it's not easy (most marital trials aren't). I suspect you're a military family (or some type similarly at the whims of Uncle Sam)...this makes it even more imperative that you both establish a united front because this will not be the last deployment you'll experience in the life of an enlistment or over a military career. This way of life is challenging to a marriage on many levels, and sadly, many do not survive the strain. I'm not talking off the top of my head here; I've lived it. The problems you're experiencing occur both ways, and it's not appropriate to get payback no matter which way the transgression occurs. If you've chosen to forgive and stick it out, reach down deep inside of yourself and do just that. I don't hate you, and none of us are qualified to judge you....I just don't want you to compound one misery with another one when you don't have to. I know you'e lonely and you feel betrayed, and there will probably be plenty of guys who weren't deployed sniffing around to give you a shoulder to cry on. They're bad news, too....like vultures circling overhead, they mean neither you nor your marriage any good, they just smell blood in the water. (Yeah, I know, I mixed my metaphors). Talk as often as you can with your husband and hash this thing out. When you're feeling weak, tell him.....that's the proper place for this burden even though he's deployed, because he should be proactive in helping to fix a problem his actions created. Deployment can't relieve him of that responsibility. I'm encouraged that he told you about it, though, aren't you? I mean, it's not great news of course, but it is a good sign that it's not behavior he intends to continue (otherwise why would he mention it?) You can do this. Good luck to you both.

Answer 4

In a situation like your some people are going to stay , 'Oh, No don't do that stay true to your marriage". Well, he isn't being true and your needing sex that is what your saying, I know I'll get A lot heat from saying this, but if it was me I need to be loved and I need sex and I am going to get once in awhile no matter how anyone feels.

Sex is something after your use to having it , it just like taking away part of your being, I love sex ,so go for it. Be sure that this person is free of any disease and in some cases you may fall head over heels for him, but that works both ways your husband could do the same thing find someone he loves and wants to be free,
To me go for it have your sex because if you don't you will become a complete nervous wreck. Some say that vibrator Will take the place of sex, no it does not. The warmth of a mans body, feeling the touching just a mans body that smells so nice and clean and you can have a climax and it will take care of many things that false vibrator will not do. Th intimacy is something that anyone after you have had it once is something that you need and so go find it and my best to you.

Answer 5

sweetie I know you are hurting and just want a cure for the pain, but this isn't it. All this will do is bring further mistrust, pain and confusion into your marriage. You need to work out problems and heal your relationship, not involve a third party. Start with prayer. If your husband is willing, get into counseling before he leaves again. Try and stay in closer contact with each other. Maybe let him get an accountability partner so he won't be as tempted to stray? And as for you, you need someone to love you. A pet, a family member, or a good friend would be best, someone to hug you, encourage you and just let you cry when you need to. Find a job, hobby or volunteer work that you are pasionate about as well. I hope everything works out for you

Answer 6

I am sorry you are going through this. I think that there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything. Cheating back isn't the answer. If my husband were to cheat on me I would leave him. I am not saying I would never come back, I am saying that this would be too difficult to deal with for me. I would be hurt beyond belief and everytime I saw him I know that is what I would be reminded of. I would leave, I would date, I would make him beg for Mercy. Once I felt I was in control of my feelings again, then I would begin negotiations. I would make damned certain that he would never do this to me or to another woman ever again. I would twist his head around harder than he twisted mine. I promise you that.

Answer 7

You are on a slippery slope if you follow through with this....Do you love your husband?...Yes? so wait for him !! Is it human contact and warmth you miss, affection and company...maybe its just the physical part of your marriage...nothing wrong with missing any of the above, you are only human. Dont know how long hubby will be away BUT if all this goes pear shaped due to infidelities.....it maay be forever....Go take a hot bath or a COLD shower, meet up with some friends or take a trip to an ''Adult'' store....If you love him, be true and wait it out. Two wrongs dont make a right...you may be able to forgive him, but dont be sure HE will understand and be so accomodating.

THINK and be true.....Be strong and stay faithful.

Answer 8

Your wretched feeling is understandable, but you'll feel a lot worse if you have an affair. Unless of course you are just looking for an excuse. If that is what it is, then you are not in love with anyone - except yourself.

If you want relief from the kind of stress you mention, buy yourself a good vibrator.
It's easier on the conscience than sleeping around.

Answer 9

Hey. My adivice is if you feel like you need to cheat then go ahead. I belive cheating is bad. But every one is going to cheat at least once in there life. If you do cheat make sure its not a habit. You dont want to hurt your marrige. I really dont know what to tell you. I have never been in that situation. But if I was I think I would not cheat because I would have to carry around the guilt the rest of my life. It is really up to you. I dont know if this helped any. I really hope you figure it out. If you need more help or more questions let me know. I love helping people.

Answer 10

i am sorry that he did u that way,but two wrongs dont make a right, be a bigger and better person than he was, and no you dont do people u love that way, if he says he does, he is a liar also, but i must say that if u try and work things out it will take a lot to get the trust back that u once had, good luck