My husband recently left me (10 weeks ago tomorrow to be exact) saying that he did not love me any more.?

Question

Today on our son's 4th birthday he dropped another bombshell, saying that he has strong feelings for a work colleague, and they had kissed on a night out with other owrk colleagues.I was, finally beginning to cope with the situation and we were getting on fine, but now I feel so bittter, he says nothing was going on before we seperated, what do I do?

Answer 1

You poor thing. What a horrible thing to be told just when you thought you were coping. You can't actually do anything. This marriage was over and obviously it means both of you can seek romantic liaisons elsewhere. You might want to discourage any further chats with your ex excepting where your son is concerned. You don't need to hear about his love life now and your life is no longer his concern either. Keep your relationship polite as you have a child to think of but you are not his friend. He decided that. The less you have to do with him, the more you will find your own way and be independent from him - the less his nonsense can hurt you. He may well be having a romance, but you have something far more important - your beautiful son.

Answer 2

Hi,

Hun, I really feel for you. The break up was only recent and so you been left with a whole loads of questions you need resolving and at same time you trying to deal with the kids and helping them to cope with the new situation.

I would have said try some relationship counselling to see if any of the issues can be resolved but it seems too much has gone on to do this.

He has already told you he is no longer in love with you and has now revealed he is getting close to a work collegue which suggests to me that he sees the relationship between the two of you to be over and without wanting to hurt you, chances are he has been getting close to this other lady for a while, hence his decision to leave.

I would consider moving on now - I know it hurts because you were married, have children and probably still in love with the guy to some degree but it best you get some closure as it seems he is moving on and sadly without you.

All the best!

Lx

Answer 3

Listen something must of been going on before the seperation why else would he want the seperation? Let him go find out what it is like on the other side of the fence, sooner or later he will find out that all relationships get routine and none of them stay in the honeymoon stage forever. The excitement of a new girl interested in him will wear off and then he might come back your way. Hang tight to your own and stay true to yourself. If you feel he is worthy to take back if he decides to come back , the ball is in your court. Don't take him back if your heart is not into it, and if more damage than can be repaired is done. Do not be a floormat for anyone. Keep eyes and ears open and hear everything, not just what you want to hear. If he says he doesnt love you, see what his actions say.

Answer 4

Hi Hun!

This probably won't help, but it seems to me that you are far too good for him anyway.

Reading between the lines, I'd say that he probably had something going on with his colleague way before you split.

You're gonna feel like sh*t for a long time to come. Accept that, and allow yourself to burst into tears and feel sorry for yourself once in a while. Just don't make it a habit.

Your son needs you like he's never needed you before. His Dad's gone, and your the only constant in his life at the moment.

Don't try to look too far into the future - this will only daunt you. Take a day at a time, and take time out to look after yourself. Try and be kind to yourself and give yourself little treats every now and then.

I really wish you well, and hope that things turn out well for you.

All the best.

Answer 5

There is nothing you can do unfortunately. Of course you will feel bitter - that is completely normal. The same thing happened to my best friend afew months ago. She felt extremely bitter as her husband went off and overnight seemed to start a happy new life with someone else whilst she was left holding the baby quite literally.

I know it is hard now but you will feel good again - it's hard to know what to believe from your husband - I know it sounds harsh but he is unlikely to tell you the truth. For this reason, it is pointless asking him questions about whether he was having an affair or not - he is bound to say no!

Keep positive, you have your son to keep you strong. Ensure that you get maintenance etc and surround yourself with family and friends who can support you and who you know you can trust. Good luck.

By the way, if after a while he wants to come back to you - say no. He will do it again.

Answer 6

Well to tell the truth looks like your husband has made his mind up , He's done the right thing telling you the truth !

Dont let this put you dont i can promise you that this happens loads in this day and age and sometimes after a long marrage people drift apart . Best advice i can give you is find another man yourself and move on with your life , Dont try and sort things out , You could ask your husband to come over and talk to him about it and ask him what he really wants, then that way you know you tryed , Ask him if he really wants it ended ? if he does then let him get on with it and you should do the same , but as i said before this happens alot . Im sure there was more going on before he told you but its best you dont know any details .

As i said before get yourself a new man , Loads of guys out there waitting for kind gorgeous person like yourself , Keep your head up and find another guy :)

Answer 7

There is no point in loving someone who doesn't love you back. As rotten as it feels, it's time to let go and move on. How? Take lots of deep breaths, and each time you do imagine yourself breathing in your new reality. Accept it totally. Take in the pain, the rejection, the humiliation..all of it. Don't judge it, just accept it. In time you'll begin to realize that the future holds the chance to find someone new. Someone who does love you, and does want to be with you. It's a ways off yet, but you'll get there. In the meantime, take the high road. Limit contact with your ex to dealings regarding your son. Maybe someday you can be friends again, but not now. Grief takes time. But it changes you forever. The day will come when you'll be glad you took the time to do it properly.

Answer 8

That's like rubbing salt into a wound. Why would he tell you that? Does he enjoy hurting you? It would have been devestating enough when he left you saying he didnt love you anymore and now to tell you he is interested in someone else is like a punch in the stomach. I certainly would be feeling bitter and angry. If he has any feelaings whatsoever for you then he shouldnt be telling you things like that. Next time he wants to "share" his personal life with you, tell him you dont want to hear it. Also tell him that you dont want to be his friend or confidante and while you dont mind him having contact with your son, it is over between you and him. Be strong......he's been in the drivers seat too long, turn it around and be the driver for a change. Even if you still love him, dont show him that because it will just give him more power to hurt you. I think he's done enough damage to you already. Take care.

Answer 9

I agree with Goz. He felt the need to tell you because he doesn't want to look guilty even though he is, he was with her before he left. What a di#$!! Good lord, I am so sorry. I went though a similar experience when I was married. My husband left me when I was 5 months pregnant saying he just couldn't be with me because of distance (we were living separate countries commuting back and forth when we could). He claimed 2 months after leaving me that he had met someone else. As soon as our divorce was final about 6 months after seperation, he married her. I know he had met her when he was with me, you just know in your gut, what a stupid b@stard. Move on, your worth more than what he has to offer. Two years after my divorce, I met my mate I'm with now and he's a wonderful man and father, to all of my children, not just his own. My ex, well he's with the same woman and she's a crazy bi@tch and he can't stand her lol. He wants to divorce her though she'll get half his stuff, too bad for him I guess. Karma my friend, Karma. Surround yourself with good friends and screw him.

Answer 10

He sounds like scum.

I am sure that something was going on with this woman before he left you.

Go see a lawyer asap so you can ask for child support and alimony. Don't let him try to talk you out of it either. Stand up for yourself and don't let him take you for a ride.

I mean what kind of man tells you that he kissed another woman while you are still "married". All he had to say right now was nothing.