I have been seeing the same man for into the third year...we are a committed couple, and we are not kids... He has a house and a huge place to work for his job--and needs that space----, and wants me to move into his house. He would find moving an inconvenience and extremely distruptive to his life. And, he as well states, that "We have only travelled together, how do we know that we CAN live together?"
I hate the house, just hate it. I am incredibly uncomfortable there..and it feels like a disaster even before living there...I'd become depressed beyond my wildest nightmares, and get so just thinking about it....... his 30 year marriage died in it for starters. To him, it is just a house...Q.1. Is it irrational to not like something like that?
Also, he admitted that he wasn't sure of his level of affection for me, but I am treated like a princess, and most of his thoughts, he admits, are surrounded by me.. "I love you" is not part of his vocabulary.....
Q. 2 (Next)
2007-08-18 08:26:03 · 10 answers · asked by ladyren 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
q.2 I would be willing to buy a house, add the work space he needs, he could keep his house, and if he didn't wish to stay, he could move back.
Am I totally off the wall? Help
2007-08-18 08:27:26 · update #1
i strongly recommend that if you two are in a commited relationship (regardless of marriage) you two should go out and buy a new house together. i don't know what it is, but when you move into a man's house that he's had, it will always be his house, never ours. men don't know how to share. his kitchen, his bathroom, his room, his TV. it never works out like it should. if you start a new relationship, you should start a whole new life together. this includes bedsheets.
2007-08-18 08:35:29 · answer #1 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not confused! Go back and re-read your question. You already answered them. You'd hate the house and it's history. That won't go away or change. I'd say to start anew somewhere else, but it sounds like Mr. Wonderful won't budge. He's right, living together can reveal all those little quirks and idiosyncrasies people tend to have. Since you're both "not kids" you're probably both a little set in your ways. The little stuff can drive you crazy! Lastly, there's no "I love you" in there anywhere. Those should be freely given, and when they're not, well, you could be nothing more than a friend with benefits. My advice would be to wait and see how things progress. I'm betting things won't move on or change much. Trust your instincts, and good luck.
2007-08-18 09:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by Mike 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes!
Why? Because Guys/Men can care for a women and treat them like princess and do lavish thing for them and even admit to be in committed relationship with them, but they still won't change their ways! The older they are the more set in their ways, so hold off on moving in together and enjoy what U currently have!! If he isn't ready to come to a compromise with U and the way U feel about his house, don't worry! U can still be with him and not live with him....U have been doing it for this long!
Definitely keep Ur options open though, I am sure he is!!
Take Care and Good Luck!
2007-08-18 08:40:30 · answer #3 · answered by SuasGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not. Clearly you are also old enough to know your mind. Do not move in with him... it sounds like ti will de[press the hell out of you all the time.
If he also isn't sure of how he feels about you... keep your independence and your own place. Sounds like you'll be better off.
You are getting vibes from the house. Trust your gut. Stay put... and love the house you're in and figure out even if this is the man you want to spend any time with.
2007-08-18 08:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by teritaur 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being completely irrational but you need to consider your relationship and decide if it's worth it. Honestly, you can't expect a guy to just give up the house he loves (whether you understand it or not) for you. You need to talk to him about it on a civil level and don't go off insulting his house because he will take it very personal.
2007-08-18 08:34:35 · answer #5 · answered by Madison 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're seeing too many red flags to ignore your instincts.
If it's "just a house" to him, why is he so adamant that YOU uproot YOUR life to move?
He's not sure of his level of affection for you? Where in this world did he find THAT term? In "Mensa's Guide to True Fullfillment"? ugh.
DO NOT MOVE!! If he's not willing to alter SOME of his life for you, then he's not worth the effort of changing your entire life for him.
Case Closed.
2007-08-18 08:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by bitadkins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you could try moving in slowly start by like spending hte weekends and more and more time as u feel comfy with it. and maybe you could spurse the house up get some new things and get rid of some of hte old
2007-08-18 08:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a lady who knows what is what
Do you really want to be unhappy
2007-08-18 08:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't move in with him. Once again, he is just using you for free sex. He is playing you.
2007-08-18 08:33:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're being played baby.
2007-08-18 08:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by Inquiringmind 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋