I am in love with my boyfriend who I have been living with for 4 months. He's the most important thing in my life and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. In the beginning, he was talking about marriage and kids and he asked me to move in and it was beautiful.. I moved my bed in (he had just moved in 3 months ago) and we would go to bed together every night and talk a little bit. It was wonderful to sleep next to him every night. The bed is a pillowtop and a bit too soft for us now. He'll sleep in the Lay-Z-Boy in the living room or on the couch and I've been sleeping out there with him when I'm here because I just want to be close to him. I feel like we're growing apart and have told him that I can't sleep in that bed by myself because it's too big.
My dad is thinking bout selling his house and moving upstate and wants me to go with him. I would be miserable without my boyfriend, but he just doesn't plan ahead anymore like he used to. What do I do?
2007-08-18 07:26:54 · 29 answers · asked by oOMissMoonOo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ok.. let me update. My dad is staying in the area, I think. But that may change. I just miss our closeness that we had before. I think there's a side of him that he's hiding that I know is there. It's almost like he has too much respect for me to touch me sexually unless I start it first. Does that make ANY sense? It's driving me nutz. If he loves me, why doesn't he just let loose?
2007-08-21 05:54:17 · update #1
You're never really going to know how he feels unless you confront him about it.
Just explain these things to him, and ask him about it.
2007-08-18 07:30:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. You can't make anyone be the way they used to be but 4 months is not that long for him to be getting so comfortable either. It sounds like the romance that was there is not anymore. Yes I have that same problem but I have been married for 15 years. I think you should give yourself some space away from him, maybe go with your dad and see where it goes from there because if he is losing interest this soon in the relationship you may want to rethink if this is Mr. Right for you. On a good note if he really wants to hang on to you and you have opened up with him about this issue then he will either let you go or fight to keep you. Things will fall into place the way they are supposed to so try and relax. Good Luck!
2007-08-18 08:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by julia b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can try getting a new bed. Have the BF try it out at the showroom. Truth is, a lot of very long and happy marriages involve partners who sleep in separate rooms.
It sounds like you need to really have along talk with him, though. Time to find out whether he wants a marriage or just wants to play house and split the bills. Time to sh*t or get off the pot. If he isn't into making a real commitment then move out because you are simply being used.
In the future, don't sell yourself short by settling for a cohabiting situation... it does nothing for you. In cohabiting, you have all of the responsibilites of marriage (including getting stuck with any bills he runs up) but none of the benefits of that marriage license. Most states will consider you "common-law married" after x-amount of time, so splitting up will involve a divorce anyway.
Next time, you don't move in with a guy unless you have a real committment.
2007-08-18 07:42:08 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe he is changing his mind, or regretting moving in together..
Suddenly the bed is too soft? How long did ya'll sleep in it before that? More than likely, him sleeping in the living room has a deeper meaning than just the bed being too soft..
You need to talk to him..find out if he still has plans of marriage..try to ask what is bothering him, why are you two growing apart....if it is just the bed, then get a new bed together!!
It might be time to move on..
2007-08-18 07:35:16 · answer #4 · answered by ~*Briana*~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe hes just gotten to comfortable with you. He thinks now that hes got you he doesnt have to try anymore. Boys or men or watever you want to call them tend to get that way. Once they've got you, they start getting just like that Lay-Z-Boy in your living room. I dont know how old you are but the younger the couple, the more common it is. I got involved with sum1 very special to me when I was 19. We are both the same age and we moved in together one year later. Sometimes I tell him I feel he tricked me into being his girl bc many things he promised in the beginning of the relationship have disappeared. We are still together (5yrs in Nov) but I felt the exact same way you did. Talk to him about it and if things still dont change, you'll know what to do. There will be tests on the relationship that will show you how strong it is. Good luck
2007-08-18 07:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by BumblebeeQueen84 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you really need to sit down and have a talk with him. It is a bit odd that he would rather sleep out in the living room then with you in bed- even if the bed is "too soft" for his liking.
Can you think of any reasons why he would have changed the way he felt in the past couple months?
If you talk to him and things dont change after, it may be best to go with your father then be stuck in a relationship where you feel insecure.
I hope everything works out for the best!
2007-08-18 07:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
4 months is a short time to know if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life. Guys say alot of things without thinking at the beginning of a relationship. I think you should sit down with him though and have a very long talk. Let him know how you feel, but don't pressure him. Nothing you say will make him change the way he feels, but atleast you want to know what went wrong.
2007-08-18 07:35:11 · answer #7 · answered by Aileen a 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe your fella is having second thoughts about the 2 of you. He is sleeping in the recliner for a reason other than the mattress is too soft. Try having a heart to heart and maybe he will open up to you and let you know the real reason.
2007-08-25 11:20:22 · answer #8 · answered by physco 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you never should have moved in with him...you are violating his space. If you were coming over for a night or two and leave that's cool but living together is something totally different. Did you ever think you may have done something that urked him? When you have lived alone for awhile you get in your own world...meaning that space is HIS and ONLY HIS. This has nothing to do with him liking/disliking you, this is a single person's mentality...he has no one to answer to but himself...I don't think you need to move away unless you want to but you need to get out of "his space". I think you moved in too soon...
2007-08-18 07:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by Natty-Boo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ooooohhhh man... I hate to have to say this, but this guy sounds EXTREMELY similar to my ex fiance...we dated for two years, were engaged for 6 months, and I made excuses like crazy for him for so long because I truly loved him... but in the end I was just delaying the inevitable... And it may have been easier if I hadn't gotten in so deep with him...
Follow your heart. If you're not SURE beyond a shadow of a doubt, don't keep kidding yourself. I, for one, will not marry until there are NO doubts in my mind... life's too short to settle... There's someone out there that will fulfill all of your wildest dreams... you just have to be brave, patient, and full of faith....
2007-08-25 17:25:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is just tired of the togetherness,maybe he is thinking he would rather live alone.You need to move out for awhile,let him miss you.If he loves you he would want to be next to you,and have sex all the time.When you moved in,it was new and playing house was cool.Now it is strangling him.Give him some space,or you will surely lose him.
2007-08-25 22:40:53 · answer #11 · answered by lotteda717 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋