I have always been very physically attracted to my husband and as the years have passed, I am still physically attracted to him but I am emotionally spent and can't stand the thought of staying married to someone who has caused me so much pain. He had a long term affair with one of my closest friends, and although I understand why it happened, I will never forget it. Once I told my husband that I was going to file for divorce, he has completely changed his behavior in an attempt to win me back. I don't think he is a bad person, but I don't think a tiger can change his stripes either. In an attempt to make me jealous so that I understand the consequence of losing him, he has started dating-which I find completely ridiculous. I will admit, however, that I feel a twinge of jealously thinking about him in bed w/someone else. I don't care if he dates and I know it's probably wrong but I still wish I could sleep with him without the emotional connection.
2007-08-18 07:09:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dating to win you back? That IS absurd and totally NOT the way to do it. He is just continuing his cheating with a twist, now blaming YOU for his actions.
Your right, RIDICULOUS!
The way to rebuild a marriage is to commit back to it completely and earn back the trust by showing that commitment and how much effort one is willing to put back into the marriage. Bringing other's into the picture is surely NOT the way and just selfish ego boosting on his part.
Love doesn't just stop instantly, nor does the attraction. But, it will be next to impossible to continue a 'just physical' relationship with him with your past relationship. It will only prolong your pain.
So, I suggest that you consider whether or not this marriage is worth saving.
Talk to him and make your needs known. If he wants you, then he will have to show you that he will commit totally to the marriage first. That maybe together, you can see a marriage counselor and work on rebuilding trust. That means NO other people.
Or, separate yourself completely and move on without him. If he wants others, then it will only bring you pain.
Some wayward spouses can "change their spots", but your husband has not even started that if he thinks the way to show you is to continue to cheat.
2007-08-19 14:07:03 · answer #1 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off... this is not high school. Making each other jealous by dating other people is just plain stupid. Such puerile attempts at manipulation has got to be getting old. This is abuse, pure and simple.
Remember Beyonce's song "Irreplaceable"? This creep thinks he is irreplaceable. He thinks he can be in a marriage with you and still play the field. You need to show him that there are consequences for his bad behavior. You gotta show some guts. He could very well mess things up for you financially, because the state can garnish your paycheck to pay for his child support while you are married to him. You can wind up with any debts he acquires while dating these other women.
Collect all the bank, 401K and other financial statements. File for divorce. Get 1/2 of the community property. Get this idiot out of your life and get over him.
When it comes to the physical needs... you can always find a good... uh... "date".
2007-08-18 07:24:20 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your head hurt? It should because that guy is slamming it hard against the writing on the wall.
Good sex is a vibrator away. What you want from that guy is acceptance and to beg you back.
It is time to stop and take a long look at your behavior and your needs.
What you want you will never get from that guy he will continue to haunt you as long as YOU allow him to.
You may not realize this but you are the one at wheel not him you can (and must).
Take your power back and really show him who's the HOT one. The best revenge is success!!
2007-08-18 07:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let that twinge of jealousy get to you. He's doing it for his own ego; after all, no guy likes to be served with divorce papers, even if the relationship is beyong salvaging.
If he was serious about wanting to be with you, he wouldn't be dating; he'd be working with you as a mature adult and try to talk his way back into your good graces.
DO NOT sleep with him. If you do, you will open a huge can of worms you don't want to deal with. Make a clean break and get rid of the jerk. He obviously doesn't get it.
2007-08-18 07:19:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is all he is doing is trying to make you jealous and hoping you will come back, but what he doesnt know is that he is showing you that it is not so hard for him to move on from you and be with someone else. It shows he didnt care too much to begin with. You are right for filing for divorce, and when it is final, do away with the cheater. Move on with your life and be happy. You do not need him to be happy, actually that is one cause for you being unhappy.
2007-08-18 07:16:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you keep sleeping with him then he is going to keep on trying to stay with you. you know in your heart this is wrong and i would be more affraid of what std he could bring back to you. try to picture yourself as the one seeing someone else and how nice it will be to have someone to treat you like a queen instead of playing head games with you. picture a nice looking man. strong arms and terrific body......... see yourself in his arms and in his bed....go out and file for a divorce and let the man who wants to cheat on you learn that in the long run he has cheatedhimself by the way he treated youand he will be the loser in the long run. i married for the 4th time and finally found the best out there and i know it hards to take that first step of getting back out but its worth it and fun.
2007-08-18 07:22:05 · answer #6 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two can play this game! I think you should start dating as well to see how he feels about it. Hopefully he'll get jealous too and stop playing games. If he doesn't mind, then let it be until you get tired or find someone whos worth it. Then it'll be his loss!
2007-08-18 07:16:46 · answer #7 · answered by Aileen a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you know that he is doing this to make your jealous? Are you sure he just hsn't moved on? Why would you want to sleep with him without an emotional connection? Time to move on and forget about him.
2007-08-18 07:33:51 · answer #8 · answered by Linda K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he wants you to fight for him back and then turn the tables on you and say "No now I'm leaving you". Just let him go and if you want to keep a physical relationship w/ him then I'm sure he would agree. What guy wouldnt.
2007-08-18 07:17:57 · answer #9 · answered by blue-eyez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you be sure that he's trying to win you back by dating other women? Has he done other things, besides this, to make you think that's what he's trying to do?
It could very well be that he feels free to date now since you don't want to be married to him anymore.
2007-08-18 07:15:57 · answer #10 · answered by WilmaF 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋