am i wrong here?

Question

my husband and i have been fighting off an on for a little while now. we are currently in marriage counseling now. our recent fight over the last two days has now ended with him out of the house. these are some of the comments made to me:

freak
you're discusting
i have two hundred and some odd pounds of problems
who pays for you to use the internet
who pays for you to take that ice cream to the party
all you do is leave the house (i take my son somewhere everyday whether it be just a stroller ride or up to the pond to feed the ducks)
boy they'll let anyone be a mother won't they

and etc etc etc..these are just some of the things he says to me. last night i just couldn't take the verbal battering any longer and told him either to leave or i would. it was midnight. i hated, HATED to wake up my 14 month old son to leave. i felt my husband should have. he refused. the cops were called. i left w/ my son.
my husband calls later and says that he will leave so our son

Answer 1

Divorce him, he isn't worth your time. Think of what he could do to your son if his problem gets worse.

Answer 2

well i don't know because its an argument an u haven't really stated the point that your stating but the situation seems bad i think u should just leave him or get a divorce cuz your son doesn't need to experience stuff like that at this age b cuz that can affect his behavior growing up an u don't want that to have that kinda of thing to have a influence on ur son if the question was was u wrong for leaving no were not you don't deserve that kinda treatment and your son doesn't need to hear stuff like that so no u were not wrong, shoot if i was u i would find somebody else who can play daddy someone that respects u, and treats u the way u want to be treated. i hope things get better for you good luck

Answer 3

Did you know of this type of behavior/personality b/4 you got married? Is he talking this way in front of your son? You are in a hard situation. Your son needs a father.. But you are being abused. Question- what are you saying to him? What would be his side of the story? This might sound like a mean question- (because of his remarks) have you gained a lot of weight after giving birth? Could I suggest reading Dr. Laura's book -
"Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". If it doesn't help, then leave him. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I understand why your husband didn't leave because it would've given you ammuniton to make a case for abandonment against him should this situation escalate to this point (which I hope for your sakes it doesn't). The things your husband has said to you are hurtful and reprehensible; there's no doubt about it. But it sounds like the frustrated utterances and bickerings of a couple adjusting to having a newborn child in the house...an occassionally overwhelming reality for both partners from time to time. Children are wonderful, but they are exhausting, and nothing makes a couple feel as though there is a noose around their necks quicker than a child. This passes in time, but you have to endure it as a team to see that benefit come to light. Even though you may dwell separately for a time, try to continue pursuing counselling to see if things can be salvaged. I wish for you both the best possible outcome as you negotiate this challenge.

Answer 5

Based upon many years of experience, couples usually have the same two or three arguments over and over again, so the odds are fairly decent that similar things will be coming out of his mouth again until the general issue that's bringing them up is resolved.

It looks like what you intended to type in about the situation at hand was cut off, so I don't know what your question was, but I think I may have insight into why your husband is behaving the way he is.

Based upon your husband's comments, and the information you provided, I assume you stay home with your son while your husband works. I think he may be greatly envious of the time you have with your son, and he may not even know this.

My wife and I are Petroleum Geologists working for Uncle Sam. Before we started to have children, we spent a lot of time figuring out how to balance career and family.

Rather than putting our kids in day care, or one of us ending his/her career by staying home with the kids, we decided that we could simply go from full time status to part time status while the kids needed us at home. We proposed this idea to our management, it was approved, and we alternated days at work and home. My manager at the time was a guy and he understood completely why we wanted to do this. Men we didn't work with who didn't even have children supported us completely. Money was tight because of this, but to us it was worth it.

Shortly after our first child was born in 1981 our Agency was reorganized, and we were immediately force transferred to Milwaukee in a new office that they formed. The Office location made absolutely no sense, but we were told that we would be there two years, and then transferred to another location, which fit into our plans.

We've been here almost 25 years now, haven't been allowed to go to a professional conference for over 20 years, and been told numerous lame excuses for being unable to transfer, such as "You're not qualified to be a Petroleum Geologist." All told, it's been a bit of a stretch raising our kids, but we're getting new management and it looks like we're going to be allowed to return to full time status some time before we hit 60.

Looking back on our experiences, I've come to believe that sexual discrimination has nothing to do with gender, rather it stems from the envy and hatred some people feel towards people who spend time with their children. In our society, if someone is going to be with the children it's probably going to be a woman versus a guy.

If someone is going to have a soul-crushing job where they spend little time at home it's going to be a guy. Further, most of the women who are promoted in an organization either have no children, or might as well have not had them. Note that I didn't say that all men engage in sexual discrimination. The management that approved our decision were men, and our current management consists of all men. It's merely a matter of whether or not someone can accept someone else having time with their family, and our new management doesn't have any problem with that.

Given your husbands comments, he may hate his job and, without realizing it, be wishing he could somehow spend more time with the people he deeply loves.

Answer 6

A man who is calling you such names is indeed giving you verbal abuse, because if you were to say those things to him, he'd be insulted to the core. Hon, he's a baby, with no communication skills whatsoever. If he wanted you to change, he'd learn the language of requests, not verbal battery....

If my husband said just one of those to me, I'd drop my jaw, look at him and ask again, "What did you say?" (I'd ask him to repeat it again... "What do you mean by that?" If he himmmmed and hawwwed, and ask again... "Is that really what you feel?" Then I'd repeat what he said to me.... about 4 times till it sunk in... then I'd say "Why would you want someone like me even in your space? I'ts clear I am not part of your life, nor the things that concern you....." Then, hon, I get the f(l)uck out of the guy's life. Discussions are held without rage and without digs, and resentment.... He really has no control.... and hurtful comments just erode a relationship... for sure the four things that make a marriage/relationship are pretty much in the toilet with stuff like that... Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust... He doesn't have much of those for you, and doubtful you have any of them for him...... And hon, don't take this guy back without long sessions in counseling.... he needs an entire personality adjustment, and that isn't something he can do himself...And it won't get better.....

Answer 7

So the marriage counseling isn't working, huh? He sounds like a control freak and is verbally abusive to you. Make the separation permanent unless he does the work and has a different attitude. Do not go back to him unless this happens.

Answer 8

YOu were right to leave. YOu son does not need to be in that envirnoment. Maybe your husband and you need to separate while you work out your problems. Not end the marriage..just live apart until things calm down and you can really work at your problems.

Answer 9

Get rid of his a** you do not need someone who your child will grow up and respect women, I went through it I stayed with a man who battered me verbal and physical and my 11 year old saw it and now he thinks that it is okay to treat women like they are nothing.. My new boyfriend now has took on the role of dad and has been teaching both of my boys to respect and treat women the way they should be treated.. Please for you and your child don't put up with it anymore.. You son needs you not someone who is a egotistical jerk

Answer 10

And people say arab men are cruel and unusual? This is really sick.

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. I advise you take yoru son and leave. Divorce him. Something better will come along.

Answer 11

Same old story....This is all pretty one sided isn't it? I see that you are a "tell all" as far as the husband is concerned. Now lets hear what the wife was responsible for.