We have been together for about a year, she refuses to settle down anywhere, and now is in a position where she has to place to go. They have 5 daughters together, and he claims that he let her move in so I wont have to put my life on hold to babysit. (He's in the Army) The problem is, it feels like they get along better than he and I do. She takes off to go see him at work. She makes it out like I'm hateful to her children. She won't talk to me unless he is in the room, and when he isnt, she's mean and hateful towards me. He won't take my feelings into consideration over this. He thinks I am overreacting and defends everything by telling me they can be "civil" to eachother. I'm ok with that, but I think its a little too much. Ever since she moved in, things have gone downhill, and I'm scared for my relationship. He filed for divorce, recently, and claims that there is no need to divorce her if it wasnt for me. What is going on here?
2007-08-18 05:30:01 · 19 answers · asked by Devinn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry for your situation, that sounds aboslutely terrible!
I think your boyfriend is probably trying to look out for the best interest of his 5 children by allowing their mother to live with you. His ex is probably treating you like dirt because she still has feelings for this man, and is jealous that he is affectionate towards you-- that would explain her immature behavior.
"He filed for divorce, recently, and claims that there is no need to divorce her if it wasnt for me."-- this sends up some red flags. To me, it appears that your boyfriend isn't ready to commit to a relationship with you-- especially since he says he wouldn't need a divorce at all until you came into the picture.
You could also tell the ex that this is your house and you won't allow her to talk to you in such a way, dammit! She sounds absolutely childish herself and seriously needs to get out of your house. Perhaps you could push her out by looking through some local apartment listings around the neighborhood-- that way she'll still be close to her kids and whatnot. I hope his ex is paying rent or something while living there!
I'm sorry that you're going through this b.s., but I would advise to try to get out of the situation if you can, especially if your boyfriend thinks your overreacting. You're not! He has invited his ex into YOUR home-- perhaps you should ask him how HE would feel if you invited YOUR ex into your home and let him mull that over for a while. Tell your boyfriend to make a decision: the ex or you.
Sorry this is so scatter-brained, I just had a lot to get out! I really hope your situation improves. Best of luck!
2007-08-18 05:49:06 · answer #1 · answered by plastic_seraphim 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
In this kind of relationship there are certain things that you can not say. (You are have to let the two of them work this out) I understand why you said what you said but either his mother or her father should have told her. (You just added more fuel to her fire by doing this) Your boyfriend is going to have to man up and tell her to stop the things that she is doing. SHE can not take any legal rights away from anyone. That is for a court to decide. I would suggest he get legal counsel. Start letting her calls go to voice mail. (you will have a recording of her ranting and the threats that are made) Quit giving her the attention that you are giving her. Don't talk to her when the kids go home. The two of you have a right to some piece. If it's not an emergency (a limb is coming off), stop picking up the phone.
2016-05-22 02:40:35 · answer #2 · answered by luz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's going on??? You be the sucka, hon, the Jerk in Reserve... For sure you are not his main priority... Divorce means something.... adios, as in good-bye on a personal level, but not on a parental level toward his children. He doesn't sound like he really had his head on straight before you and he teamed up. You moved in too soon, you committed too soon. You really didn't know this guy, and you still don't. Under those circumstances, why would you even want to be there? In your place, firstly, I would have never moved in with him so soon. And now that his ex is in there.... omygod what a zoo.......... of course they get along better than you and he do.... in essence you are the outsider.... Advise? Leave. There has gotta be someone else and a better situation than this, even if it is under a bridge for a week or two. Get a job, and get out. You goofed. Don't prolong the agony.
2007-08-18 05:41:58 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, Im in the same situation. I've been separted from my wife for 3 years (not yet divorced) Im seeing someone now but so is she. She is not happy in her home and on a few occasions asked if she could move back with me. Of course I told her no. WE have 2 children together and if she had no place to go I would let her move in here for the sake of my children. My g/f and soon to be ex do not get along, but my g/f has already told me it would be ok because of the children. Its a hard situation but what concerns me is the statement you made about him saying "no need to divorce". So they weren't having any problems and they were happy so how did you even get into the pic? If your the ONLY reason he wants to divorce her then he shouldn't get divorced. I know thats hard to hear but it's true With you out the pic he woudl still be with her? so he loves her, wants her gets along with her and apparently she feels the same. I know a year is a long time to be in a relationship but you need to cut loose now. The thing is she will ALWAYS be there (not in the house) but always apart of his life and if they get along so well and he has no reason other then you to end it with her, then it wont end and youll end up without him and as bad as that sounds now it is the best thing for you to do. You deserve better. NOw if he has other reasons to not be with her and their divorce is not because he is with you then she needs to get out. and get out now. this is only damaging your relationship and unfair to both you and her. He needs to tell her straight up. give her a cutoff date for her to get out. If need be the children stay with you and him til she gets settled. But as for now keep your eye on this and if you think something is amist, it is.
2007-08-18 05:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by underover 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wants to stay married and force you out. Sounds like that's what she wants too. Time for you to go, he's not worth it. Yes, he's an ***, but part of the problem is that he is not over his marriage and shouldn't have moved on. And he's telling you in a very strange way, by letting her move in and saying that you are the reason he's getting a divorce that he doesn't want.
2007-08-18 05:36:49 · answer #5 · answered by Linda K 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop living with this guy. There are children involved here and they are what's most important. Let him and his ex work out whatever they need to is the best interest of the children. I actually am glad that they are putting the children first. You need to find a man with no kids. Move out. He will never care more about you than he cares for his kids.
2007-08-18 05:51:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are on your way out. They have a shared history, children... reasons to stay together. Why don't you move out and see where it goes? You only have a year invested. Why make it more? This is a ridiculous situation. If he wanted to be with only you, he would have never allowed her to move in. Take your stuff and be gone while she is out seeing him at work. Good luck! You deserve better.
2007-08-18 06:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by wondering 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend feels that way about you and says that there is no reason for the divorce then you are the one who needs to leave. They sound like they deserve each other and you need to find someone else who is not still married. Do not get involved with another married man. They are not worth it.
2007-08-18 06:36:47 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out and move on. You think after he divorces her he wont let her move in when she wants too.? My lord what people are willing to put up with. You have no kids so go find a man who isn't going to be playing games with you.
2007-08-18 05:37:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
That was cruel of him to do to you! He allowed you to get emotionally involved with him and moved you into his house then moved his wife and five daughters back in!! He has way to much baggage to do your life any good and nobody should have to tollerate a situation like that just to have a relationship with somebody. Get out now because you can do better than that.
2007-08-18 07:18:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋