This is to married men?

Question

I am married to a man in the Army, I was previously married to a very abusive man who cheated on me, I was raped at a fairly young age and lived through many bad relationships with men who cheated, lied and some even threw up the fact that I didnt look like the women in playboy or hustler. When I met my husband, he was so sweet, he adopted my two children as his own and seemed perfect, when he was due to head to Iraq, he promised me there would be no magazines, no porno's or anything like that ( now mind you he made this same promise before we got married, I told him with my past I was very insecure and could not handle anything like this) Well while he was there, he broke those promises, was reading maxim and even went and took a picture with a playboy model that was visiting. When he came home in his stuff I found a list of all the women he thought were hot, listed from top to bottom. He said he was sorry and all that crap. ,

Then while I was pregnant, he was looking up porno sites, ( and LOTS of them ) hiding it from me and lying about it, then when I found out it was twins, I caught him hiding, masturbating to a victoria secrets magazine. Then he swore, no more lies and that he didn't want skinny women like that, he didn't know why he did it. Then I caught him two more times masturbating to FIT TV. IT just never seems to end, so he told me he didn't watch TV, to try to make me feel better, and last night he got up with one of the twins and had the volume turned all the way down, was watching TV, changing the channell as I walked in. In all other ways he is great, but he lies and I am just not enouh for him. I am not fat, I just had twins by C-section 7 weeks ago, so I don't have a flat stomach, and I will never be a victoria secrets model. But I am not ugly nor fat, I never withheld sex from him and I try so hard to be a good wife. Why is he doing this?

For your information, I am Christian and he is a Catholic, but attends church with his family. Why are you putting this on me, if he is going against the Christian beleifs, that is his problem, I can't make him stop.

I guess what no one is getting is that I was VERY upfront with him, with what I expected, even if it was right or wrong. If he thought it was wrong or something he could not do, he could have walked away. It is that along with all the lies, repeatedly, and the broken promises that bother me. I can't deal with the pornogrophy, I have had way to many things happen with that to deal with in my past.

Answer 1

Barbara it seems by what you have explained that you have a pretty good mate. However, he is a normal male and does look at the menu, other women, and in reality probably fantasies about some of them. But the fact of live is that he is with you and you are the one whom he choose to love for eternity. Communication is number one in all relationships and perhaps the two of you need a good gabfest and put all the cards on the table with each other. Certainly he is aware of your horrible abusive past, but maybe you need to seek help in dealing with these issues in order to attept to find some closure on your past. It may even be necessary for you two to seek either the help of a marriage or sex counselor in order to attempt to gain a better understanding of what each of you truly want and expect from each other in your marriage. I know it's hard for you to feel almost cheated on by him viewing these images but it is actually pretty normal for guys to do this. You may even someday view some of these images with him and discuss what it is about what he is seeing that is such a turn on. Either way I hope that you two can resolve these issues before they put a wedge into your relationship and do indeed have a long, happy and healthy marriage. Best of luck.

Answer 2

You are insecure and he is disrespecting how you feel.
If he had this tendency before you were married to look at porn, then you have had the red flags. Maxim isn't porn in my book. Big deal if he had a pic with a Playboy model. I can understand how you would feel less of a woman from your man looking at other women and masturbating, but honestly if this is all he is doing then that isn't so bad.
My ex was totally addicted to strip clubs, pornos, online XXX sites and adult magazines. Started after he went to work with a new law firm and all the "boys" there went to strip clubs for lunches. He got very addicted to the point that it ruined my trust in him and eventually our marriage.
You have to decide what is too much to you and put your foot down. You are raising little kids in your home. Do you want them finding porn on day? Be firm. But right now, you don't have it that bad. Could get that way though.

Answer 3

Hi Barbara.
I'm sorry for what your a passing. I learn a long time ago that people don't change. Many of the problems in the matrimony are unresolved problems during the courtship. Many of my friends from the University ended in divorce for this reason. They enter the matrimony believing that this relation can change the way the persons acts or think.
In relation to the pornography I believe is like all bad habits like drinking or smoking too much. If he can't control the problem he needs help. Don't be frustrated he's the one acting wrong, not you.
I'm happily married with 2 wonderful kids.

Answer 4

I think you need some professional marriage counseling. It is no excuse but war does strange things to minds. Find some highly recommended professional that can work with the two of you. It can work and often does. Good Luck

Answer 5

my wife and i have been married for over 18 years we both read adult books watch adult DVDs and even surf the net
and we have a healthy sex life
what you have to come to terms with is all male and some females masturbate
you should be thankful hes only doing it to books etc and not cheating on you
you just need to lighten up alittle otherwise you could ruin a good marriage

Answer 6

Rule number one: never discuss your past with your present. It could come back to bite you back. It is the past, let it go. But maybe he got lonely there away from you. Talk it out and see if it is worth counseling while it is still early. I could tell you my story and it would be similar to yours if not worse. But this is about you and always go with your instinct. But please talk because communication is key. Then counseling if it applies. If all else fails, it is never late to start over and hopefully it does not get to that.

Answer 7

Exactly the type of Person who shouldn't be Married& God Forbid bring Children in this world. Having said that perhaps you can stop putting conditons& expectations on People, that You yourself can't live up to.. Ideally someone in your situation should have been committed& sterilized so this didnt carry to another generation.

Maxim isn't exactly hardcore pornand besides he was in Iraq. Lucky him go from combat to having to put up with probably the most miserable person on earth you!!

The sooner he cuts you loose the better he will be.

Answer 8

Everyone has the right to masterbate as much and as often as they wnat or need to as long as it doesn't effect or neglect the other person. ie; masterbating to the point that your sex drive is not strong enough to keep your partner satisfied.
When we are hungry for food we do not rely on our partner to eat with us at every opportunity for the sake of eating together. Masterbating is a natural human experience and has been proven to be more satisfying than having sex with a partner. Do it to it... but don't neglect your partner. If you still feel wierd about it offer to lend him a hand get in there with him join him become one with him while he is in his moment.

Answer 9

This is normal - guys do this. A recent study found that 90% of men masturbate, the other 10% are liars.

Answer 10

I completely understand try k-9 web protection. It won't do much for t or magazines... but your computer will be safe