Do you ever get sick of people telling you what to do with your own baby?

Question

I have done a lot of research on proper nutrition for infants, on breastfeeding, and child psychology. I'll listen to anyone who has something to say from their own experience, but I don't like being treated like I don't know anything because I'm a new mom. Last night, I heard all this nonsense from friends who think I'm nursing my daughter too often, and I should give her water and tea if she doesn't last 5 hours between meals. I should never sleep with her, I shouldn't let her be too attached to me or she'll be a mama 's girl, and never become independent, and I should be giving her more solids, and only nurse her twice a day. For goodness' sake, she's only 8months. It kind of made me feel like I'm a bad mother, even though I know in my heart, that what I do is right.
Do any of you mommies have similar stories?

To PracticalWizard: Thank you so much for answering, you have some good points. However, let me explain, I don't feel like I know everything because I've done research. It's because I 've done research that I know some of the things they suggest are ridiculous. Like I should feed her cereal when she's hungry, and not wear myself out by nursing her. After the cereal, if she's still hungry, give her more cereal. And that she should be given cereal at 2months not 6. I'll listen to anyone who has advice, if I didn't I wouldn't be on Y/A. I just have a problem with people suggesting ridiculous, or even sensible things, but insisting that I have to do them. I have a mind of my own. I don't like to be pushed. And I know I don't know everything.

Answer 1

Yeah, it used to bother me a lot, especially as my mother in law is a really good one for saying that perhaps I need to give the baby a bottle when she acts hungry only a short time after I've breastfed her. I mean, this is my fifth surviving baby, all the others were exclusively breast fed too, you'd think if anyone knows how to do it, it'd be someone whose already done it four times before, but still...she has her say.

As I've gotten older, I've found it becomes a lot easier to just nod and smile, and then keep right on going with what I'm doing. I really believe people are only trying to help, so that makes it easier to accept their well meaning, if unsolicited and sometimes downright wrong, advice. Of course, if they're just plain dangerously wrong (like my MIL advising me to give a bottle, or to administer panadol to get baby to sleep), then I'll say something, but usually I just politely listen, then do whatever I wanna do anyway.

Then again, there's people who just try and make you feel bad, by telling you that whatever you do is wrong even when you are right. Those people aren't worth even a polite listen, they're just a waste of time.

Don't let anyone make you feel as if you are a bad mum...there's so many different ways to raise a child, and children are pretty damn tough. What you are doing sounds just perfect to me, but the only real judge is you and your baby. If she is happy, satisfied and content, then don't listen to anyone else. Go with your heart and your instincts, they will NOT let you down.

Answer 2

people mean well, i think. they want to tell you what worked for them and their children. it's because child care is challenging and kids don't come with instructions. you can do all the research you want but not everything works for everybody's kids. they're probably telling you you have some options. not everything you read is correct. sure proper nutrition and breastfeeding...child psychology is great, not everything the experts say will apply to your child either. the problem is, everybody thinks they have the answer. your friends and neighbors that tell you these things think they know it all and so do you because you've researched all this stuff.

personal experience? my son was a chubby baby. he's lost a great deal of that now that he runs everywhere. he's right where he needs to be with weight. i'm sure i fed him too much and i didn't breastfeed, which i knew i'd regret not being able to do but i still don't see how i could have. i was slow with solids too. he eats everything now. (he's 20 months.) i never gave him tea because it has caffeine, he didn't need that. water is okay. i was giving him some juice too by 8 months. 5 hours to me is too long between meals. nutritionists will tell you adults should eat lightly every 3, why would that be different for kids? i didn't let him sleep with me. it seemed dangerous and i didn't want to go through breaking him of that. he's certainly a mama's boy but he's very independent and exploratory too.

hey, you're not going to be perfect at everything, you're not a bad mother.

Answer 3

I think suggestions from people are fine but at the end of the day your her mother and you know what's best for your baby. My baby is 14 months old, still on formula ( stage2 ) because she's such a picky eater. Both of my children sleep with us , because if they didnt no one would get any sleep. They loath their beds. ( my other child is 4 ) . I dont give my infant tea very often because of trouble I had with my 4 yr old's teeth getting cavitites and having to be pulled when she was 2 so that's not a very good suggestion I think. You do what you think is best because really that's all that matters. No mom is perfect, and what might work for 1 mom, may not work for another mom. I would take it with a grain of salt and tell all those other busy bodies, thanks, but I've got covered.

Answer 4

I think people always try and give advice even when nobody asked for any because they feel like they can provide insight on something and so maybe you will take their opinion and make it your own or not, either way if you need help they are there to answer any concerns.

Don't let them make you feel like a bad mother though, the simple fact that you have done your research instead of just listening to a bunch of people give you tired old advice shows that you are taking better steps than most.

Answer 5

Ugh, unsolicited advice..... I have 2 boys (they are now 3.5 and 14 mo.). Last summer I was visiting my family and don't clearly remember the exact situation, but I do remember what I said in return to someone's advice..... "Jacob didn't get to be 2.5 by accident, I have done this before and thus far Jacob has survived just fine." The baby was only about 3.5 months at the time and I was seriously aggravated with all the advice from my family. I'm glad the USAF has us living 1700 miles from them. I love them, but sometimes it's just too draining to have everyone telling you what they think you should do, even if you know good and well you're not going to do anything they tell you!!

Answer 6

YES!!!!
Okay, for one, I don't think giving tea to an infant is a good idea. Too much caffeine.
Anyway, just about every one I come in contact with has some sort of unwanted advice or comments. Just about the only ones I take seriously are the ones who say "This is what worked for me..." not "You should..."
My son nurses more often than twice a day, he sleeps with me, he's very attached to me, and I don't see a thing wrong with it. He's obviously a very happy, healthy baby.
What I hate more than the unwanted advice are the comments on his appearance. He's big for his age (23 lbs, 30" tall at 8 months) and soooo often I hear "What are you feeding him? Miracle Gro?" Yeah, I'm feeding my son plant food. Gets on my last nerves.

Answer 7

I have the same problem, and it makes no sense to me...how can you not allow your child to be attached to you??? like wth? im a mother of a 9 month old (girl) and i have had the same problem with family and people who dont even know me. trust me girl your not a bad mother, do what you feel is right in your heart! your the mom, your the boss, you take care of the girl 24/7. And if you ask other people for advice if your not sure, just take their opinion , and do what you want with it. YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!!!! I felt like that a few weeks ago and i finally came to the point where i made up my mind to do what i want with her. my daughter sleeps wit me n my husband all the time. and she cant help but be attached. their kids...and their gonna be attached even if they sleep in their own bed!!!! If you feel that it is right and your gut doesnt tell you it's wrong, then i would go along with it....People are gonna tell you whats wrong and right but always remember people raise teir children different and think their right, but it just depends on the mom...you know?

Answer 8

My 4 month previous little woman only went for the period of the comparable ingredient.. she became sneezing and had a foul cough and a fever. So I took her to the scientific expert and he mentioned that she had a respiration an infection and ear an infection, so he placed her on amoxicillin and a few albuterol and prednisone. That became final friday and he or she is only now getting over it.. She nonetheless has a sprint subject ingesting tho on account that she gets stuffy and cant breathe. She even have been given an eye fixed an infection too.. She became very ill. Your infant ought to start feeling extra suitable interior of each week and shop up on the tylenol and if he gets worse or isnt feeling extra suitable via each week i might take him back in.. solid success and need he feels extra suitable!!

Answer 9

I love advice...when i seek it, lol. What really adjitates me is that i stay at home with my 3 month old and I know pretty well what she wants and my mom and BF always say shes hungry! (usually shes tired not hungry). I had problems with Breastfeeding at first so the baby was always hungry but now we feed fine and she eats every 2-4 hours during the day. Anyways it gets annoying when shes overtired and everyones chacing me around "i think shes hungry" even if she just ate... I also hate that people think im 2 "strict". My sister in law, who i adore, asked about dipping her pacifier in ice tea or sweets for a treat for her. When I said I wouldn't even give it to her when shes a year they think im to possessive. Same with not letting her cry. I try to get her before she cries...whats the point of waiting till shes 2 hard to calm???? I also refuse to wake a sleeping baby enless we really need to (like to get to a appointment ect) So frustrating when guest wanna see her and they expect me to wake her for them. I think thats selfish.

Answer 10

Oh wow....I would send someone to child development classes if they were telling me to give water or tea to a newborn. Water shouldn't be given until a year of age, and tea should NEVER be given. Words of my pediatrician, and words of my experience.

If your doc says your child is gaining adequate weight and has no deficiencies, by all means keep doing what you are doing! Pedialyte is really the only other liquid that can be given at that age.

They are just trying to add their own twisted parenting skills to your void of info. I used babycenter.com a lot after my first baby was born. Most of their articles are approved by pediatricians.

Also feel free to call your pediatrician, even in the middle of the night. They truly love kids, and are happy to hear your concerns.