feeling really depressed and alone right now?

Question

I told my husband he did something to hurt my feeling the other day and instead of him being understanding he turned it all around and started an argument with me. Everytime I try to talk to him about anything it turns into an argument and it ends up being about him. Well anyway since then I've been really depressed and sad and just feel like crying. I feel empty and don't know who to turn too and to make matter worse prior to the argument I found out that day my brother has an aggressive cancer so I don't want to bother my family with my problems. I just wish I had someones shoulder to cry on right now.

Answer 1

Sorry to hear this. Sometimes you just got to let things go. Your hubby isn't being very understanding. You need to let him know it isn't all about him. I am sorry to hear about your brother. As someone just said to me. You have time to spend with them now and to start grieving so hopeful it isn't so bad when the time comes. Father has cancer. Enjoy each day as if it was their last and try to get them to laugh even when you don't feel like it.

Answer 2

I am sure I may know the answer to this. I have suffered from this condition my whole life they have a name for it but I cannot think of it at this time. Let me ask you a few questions and we'll see. Do you feel depressed or lonely on rainy and cloudy days? Do your parents keep your house and room dark with heavy drapery. Does the hassle of the holidays get to you and you find Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years hard to deal with? You'd like to enjoy them but just can't quite get there. Think of yourself as a plant. Get a grow light like the fish tanks and the plants use. Turn it on you in a room where you are dressing in the morning for at least 15-30 minutes a day. Of course do not look into it but let your body absorb the light. Keep your drapes open during the lighter part of the day. Believe it or not this is a disease and it can by better with some help. Also let your parents know how you are feeling. This is very important even though it might be hard for you to talk with them. They need to know and probably have heard about what i am talking about. Getting in the light has something to do with the brain getting nourishment like a plant. If you can't tell your parents then talk with all of us. We are there for you always and would never let you down. If I don't answer somebody else will. But, try this and you will feel better. PS you probably felt great most of the summer.

Answer 3

You sound like you have some overwhelming emotions right now and you are confusing them with reality. Feelings are just that, feelings. If you look at it from your husbands point of view, what exactly did you expect him to do but defend himself? You said he hurt you and he said it was your fault, neither of you are actually communicating, you are just blaming. However you are over reacting to something that is, in the long run, no big deal. My guess is that the concern and sadness about your brother is coloring your world right now.

Sit your husband down and tell him that you are sorry. Tell your husband that you love him and are glad he is your husband. Forgive him for not always doing the right thing but you appreciate that he is your best friend and mostly does the right things. Then tell him how scared you are about your brother and ask your husband to help you through this.

My guess is that he will also be sorry, he loves you. If not, then its time for the counselor so you guys can learn to talk to one another.

Answer 4

First off, I am sorry you have to have this pain and yes, I have been there in 2 marriages. There is a book by Patricia Evans called The Verbally Abusive Relationship and a wonderful website called verbalabuse.com which can help you sort out what this husband is doing. She talks about the kinds of defenses and covert verbal abuse that people can use to discount your emotions and invalidate you as a person. Often this defines an abusive relationship....and no matter what you do or say, you will not get your needs met and this is really really hard when you need it the most. Some people are just afraid of emotions and death and sickness and trauma....I had so much pain in mine and also my family is that way with me. I wish you the best in identifying what is going on with your relationship. He has deflected your talking about this and it is extremely hurtful. I feel for you.
take care of yourself. I go to a crisis center to talk to other women who have emotional and physical abuse going on and it has helped me to honor myself more and not accept this kind of pain.
good luck, you are worth so much,
in sympathy,
and in reading, some of the other comments ( ant this is not to attack anyone or be abusive) just informative, they really surprise me for they make it all about you!! I am sure you try and try to be the best person you can be and only want some caring out of your husband in times of great need. I am sure you are discounted in other ways too. Mine thought they had male privelege and would not listen to my opinions either...it was very chauvenistic. The other h. commanded s. and to have the only decision making powers and he was a Christian?
there is much more to this story. There are many myths out there which blame the victim for the abuse. You are not too sensitive nor a martyr! That is what I think. You just need some love!
There is much misinformation out there which degrades women and victims of abuse...this is just a factual statement not to blame.
wildrose

Answer 5

I am sorry about your brother and your argument with your hubby.I think maybe sense your hubby is arguing with you every time you try to talk to him,i would maybe write him a letter telling him how you feel.When you have all these things going on I agree you need a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen.I would try to talk to a close friend that you can trust.I don't know either the extent of your situation but maybe counseling would help.I think just having someone to talk to that is not there to judge you would be good for you.It is up to you,you do what your heart tells you.GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

It sounds like you may have a "martyr" complex. When you were dating your husband, how did your husband act. Chances are, he's exactly the same way. You knew what you were getting when you married him.

Your husband can not make you feel empty. You choose to feel empty. If your husband is truly a jerk, why in the world are you with him? If he is not a jerk, but you are completely draining, how is he supposed to act?

I think you are putting too much on your husband. You feel bad, so you expect him to make you feel better. Only you can do that. You do have your husbands shoulder to cry on. You just withold from him. You say you don't want to bother your family with your problems, but you'll pick fights with your husband. He is your family right now.

You need to grow up some. Accept that you are responsible for your feelings. You let your husband hurt your feelings. Next time he does something that could possibly hurt your feelings, ask why it hurts. Are you insecure about something? If so, why? Is it something you could fix? Then fix it. He apparently feels the same way as you if he always turns it around on himself.

Go apologize to your husband. Treat him the way you want him to treat you.

Answer 7

i don't know if i can help u but i can tell u i feel the same..
my father committed suicide when i was 14 and when i was 15 my mother abandoned me for her own happiness witch she deserved..anyways i married at 19 bcuz i wanted to fill that void.. in some ways it filled it bcuz my husband is wonderful..but i do feel very alone 80% of the time.. i think women just tend to have that problem.. it never seems 2 go away.. all i can say is god puts us on this planet 2 test us.. and this lonlyness is part of ur test so just deal with it the best u can and u will be rewarded one day...its just a testing time

Answer 8

Do you have enough girl friends? I'll bet they'd be better listeners. You need a female support group. And other than your husband or father, don't go looking for some "generous" male shoulder to cry on.

Answer 9

you can cry on mine. looks like hes been doing that a lot to you. if you feel that bad. can you take a break from him. like about a week or so. to show him how good you are to him.let him miss you. may be that will wake him up. get out of the house take a ride. go out like him and have fun. depressed and sad can kill you.and if all that don't work. you can move in with me. just kidding. just wanted to get a smile from you to make you happy

Answer 10

How often are you telling him these things. Egos are fragile and if you are pointing out these shortcomings very often he may feel under attack. He's going to get defensive and not be understanding. He has his own pressures too. That doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him, but mete them out gradually and try to couch it in terms that will not seem like an assault. (I know you probably don't think you were attacking him, but if he is sensitive, he may take it that way.)