Why should a woman change her last name after marriage?

Question

Is it a reflection of the society that suffers from hangover of sexism?

Answer 1

I read the responses posted so far and while some of them have an idea of it being from "tradition" they still don't understand how or why this "tradition" began. The idea of a woman changing her maiden name stems from Religions, namely Christian religion.

Once upon a time, eons ago, hereditary line went through the females. From mother to elder daughter, and so on. When men began to take over by brute force it stemmed from them wanting to ensure their line inherited their posessions. In order for a man to ensure his heir was truly of his line he had to ensure that his wife was not sleeping around. Men did this by stripping women of any power in society.

When Christiananity hit the scene it went along with the notion that men ruled and women are the "help mate". Women were created from Man's rib, and therefore they were suppose to be cleaving unto the husband. Cleaving and becoming "one" with one another meant the women took her spouses last name. She usually kept her own maiden name and added her husbands name to the end. So, Mary Bishop married Steven Cook, and in uniting May becomes, Mary Bishop Cook.

In the time of Jesus their were no last names. People were identified by the region or town they were born and raised in. This is why Jesus was known as Jesus of Nazerath. In years to come last names were derived from the work a man did. A man who was a cook was known, for example as: Jacob the cook of 'whatever town he was born and raised in or moved to", so Jacob the cook of Prescott, would be how he was known and identified. As time went on the length of this become unweildy so it slowly was shortened to: Jacob Cook. The names of nobility were often derived from both the area they ruled and any titles they held. So a man could have been known as: Sheldon Wickham for the area he ruled and: Sheldon Earl of Romaney which later was reduced to Sheldon Romaney, or The Earl of Romany, or Romaney for short. He was considered The Romaney, representation of all the area he ruled and the title he held. A man could also hold several titles and several areas he owned and ruled so it gets very complicated.

Eventually, names were changed, like when people migrated to the new world. It was easier to change a name to sound more American so as to fit in and become a real citizen. Many men changed or shortened their last names while migrating.

However, ever since man took control and determined the line of inheritance would go through his first born son women lost power and were forced to do as men dictated. Christianity also helped push along the concept that women were the chattel of men, their posessions. Women had no more rights than a child and were totally dependant upon a man's will or dictates. As women give birth it was imperative that the husband ensure she bore his children. Men did not like the idea of another man's child inheriting his "belonging" and titles. Women were given over from father to husband and she took up residence in his town or area and discarded her own birth area in favor of his. So, a woman who married anyone from Nazereth would take that name. So Mary become Mary of Nazareth when she married Josesph. Mary Magdalen either was from Magdalen or married a man from Magdalen.

Currently, children born in Hispanic families in Mexico are given both their mother and father's last names. The fathers comes before the mothers. When the child reaches adulthood s/he then chooses which name s/he wishes to hold as an adult. The person discards one and keeps the other. However, often a person uses both interchangably which confuses the heck out of people! The Mexican people are one of a few which still allows a women to keep her last name and attaches both names to their children. There are other cultures which do simular practices but I am not going to name them here.

Today, in the time after the Women's Liberation Movement women are encouraged to keep their own last name. Children of couples who live like this usually are given both parents last names in a hyphenated format. So children would have names such as Victoria Benson-Bradshaw, or Mathew Stevens-Clark, etc. They keep this format throughout their lives, well the men do and the women can choose to keep their last name or take their husbands name.

I have to agree with what DragonFire stated, that today keeping names seperated and finances also seperated seems to lead to a lack of cohesiveness in a marriage which often leads to divorce. It doesn't always lead to divorce, but it often does. Look at the statistics of divorced couples and you will find that many have kept their own names. I am not saying that those who take their husbands name are any less likely to divorce, but only that converging names and finances leads to a much more higher impact of merging.

Today, men can take the last name of their wives or vice versa. While it is less likely that a man will do so, it is still a occurance which is gaining momentum. Many people in politics or highly exposed public lives keep their own last names for reasons of familararity. It is difficult to shuck your last name when millions of people know you as the one used while gaining that popularity, star presence, or whatever public persona.

So, in some ways, yes, it is a hangover from Sexism, if this is how one wishes to view it. For me it is simply a way for my husband and I to truly combine our lives into a merging of us both. It simply feels good for me to have my husband's last name. I enjoy knowing he loves me enough to wish me to take his last name. I also enjoying combining all sectors of our live into one unit. I don't wish to have seperate bank accounts or seperate anything. However, this is my preference and anyone who feels differently is free to do so.

It is a matter of comfort level, I suppose. It is also a matter of how one was raised. Depending upon the religious background one has and how much one is involved in that religion, can determine what format is chosen when married. In my state there are two forms of marriage: the "regular or normal format" and the "covanent" marriage. The Covenant marriage is much more difficult to extract yourself from. By this I mean divorce is much more difficult to obtain. In attempting a divorce the couple must attend counseling. Prior to obtaining a Covanent marriage the couple must go through a series of counseling sessions with an individual who is registered as able to perform such counseling. Often it is a member of the clergy, but not always. By "clergy" I mean any religious leader in any religion. It doesn't have to be a leader of a religion though, it can be any registered person who has been acknowledged as educated enough to provide such counseling. So, a MFCC or Marriage-Family-Child Counselor, can provide this service.

I think every couple getting ready to marry should have to attend pre-marriage counseling. So many people leap into marriage without any real understanding of what it is like to "be" married. They also leap before really knowing the individual they marry. These both lead to the high rate of divorce in my country. I think marriage should be both difficiult to obtain and difficult to be shuck of.

I am not saying that anyone should be forced to stay married to somebody who is abusive or using substances, or any number of destructive behaviors. Nor am I saying that a person should be forced to stay married if they are miserable in that marriage. People change over the course of a marriage and sometimes one or both fail to change together. Which is why pre-divorce counseling can be so effective. If a couple who is getting ready to divorce can receive insight into why the marriage is in trouble, and then fix it before it gets to a point where nothing could possibly put it back together again, rather like Humpty Dumpty, lol, then I think that is a good thing.

The best gift we can give our children is a happy and healthy marriage between the parents.

The ideal of taking on the husband's name at marriage is becoming antiquated. However antiquated it is becoming, I still enjoy having my husband's last name. I think this should be a choice for any couple. If a man, or women is uncomfortalbe with the format the other wishes, this could be a signal that they are not compatible. If they can't agree on a last name that both can feel confident and comfortable with, what else will they not be able to agree on? The last name which is chosen is the least of a couples worries. However, how it is dealt with or not dealt with can signal a huge chasm between how they both think and feel about the world, relationships, and many other issues.

How do you feel about marrying a woman who just doesn't wish to claim the honor of your last name? Giving a person the right to claim the use of a last name IS a honor. It is a giving of oneself, a selflessness, a signal of coming together as a couple, or sharing all of oneself with another. It doesn't matter whos last name is chosen, just that a couple feels a real bonding with each other.

I may be old fashioned, but still, statistics show that those who refuse to truly bind themselves together in marriage, who wish to keep themselves seperate, do not fair well within that marriage. It is not about man being better than women, or superior in any way. It simply means when two decide to marry they are creating a living entity called Marriage. That marriage needs to be nurtured and cherished and both parties have to help it grow strong and keep it deeply rooted on a solid foundation of mutual love and bonding. It is difficult to bond when all the outer trappings point towards seperation. It just is true, regardless of who wishes to believe differently.

It may become different in the future. Who knows what the future holds. I do know that any real change in any society has to go through a lot of growing pains. So, it is possible that such outer seperation will one day be the "tradition" and all those marriages which failed while getting their where growing pains. However, that is sad. Sad for all involved who have broken homes. For the children in broken homes, and then in blended homes. Statistics also show that second marriages have a much higher rate of divorce than first marriages, and third higher yet, and so on and so forth.

If a couple chooses to divorce, rather than work on the issues which could cause divorce, both are not learning any real skills at marriage relationships. Couples in a marriage are suppose to be partners, best friends, lovers, and each is suppose to provide a soft, safe place for the other to fall after a day out in the wild jungle that the world is. When we only think of our own needs and try to force the other to meet them, instead of putting our spouses needs first we will fail.

People may well gasp at that last statement, because here in America we are taught to always "put number one first", which is selfish in extreme and does not help a marriage flourish. If each partner is focused on the needs of the other, both get their needs met without having to ask. When another person puts that much energy into what another needs, then they know what those needs may be and work to meet them. When each do this every day, then they grow together and bond in a deep seated way which is unbelievabley beautiful and meaningful.

My grandma died at age eighty three. She died of a massive heart attack after sixty years of marriage. My grandpa died one month to the day of his wifes death. There was not real cause of death. He simply took a pillow, laid down on the living room floor with his head on that pillow, crossed his arms over his chest, and died. The coroner said he died of a broken heart, that he saw these thing occur in such long term marriages where the couple was so deeply bonded. My grandma took her husband's last name. If it is good enough for them it is good enough for me! lol

My first husband and I were married for fouteen years before he passed away. We were deeply bonded and it was wrenching to lose him. I had young children to raise and refused to commit to another man until they were grown. I didn't wish to take the chance of attaching myself with a man who would turn out to mistreat my children. It is difficult to know how a person will be until you have been around them a great deal. It is difficiult at best as it is easy for anyone to hold a certain behavior pattern during a few hours of a date, a few days a week. Many people use this as a reason to live together before marriage, yet stastics show that those who live together prior to marriage have a higher divorce rate. I am unsure why this is, because one would think living together would show how well the couple gets along and deals with everyday livng. However, everyone has heard the saying, "don't marry him/her because they change after marriage". I think more study into why this occurs is really needed in light of how many people are living together prior to marriage.

I sort of got off tract on the wife taking the husband's name question! Sorry about that.

So, while it is indeed a "hangover" from sexism, it is also shown to be a uniting force within a marriage. Uniting is key, combing two into a true partnership is vital. Everything which can be done to help this process along has to be a positive, rather than a negitive. Uniting is critical, and if taking one spouses name over keeping your own is one of the keys of uniting, then I see it as something which should be viewed as a tool in the growth of a marriage, rather than a sexist issue.

What a great question! Today we have so many issues around marriage. To have a question which allows us to stop and meditate on these issues is positive. Thanks for asking this and allowing me to go on and on and on and on! lol

Have a great day and wonderful weekend.

Answer 2

A woman doesn't have to change her name. This is just something that society once did and became a tradition but it is not set in stone. I know hundreds of women who haven't taken their husband's name because of business reasons. I don't think it means anything one way or the other especially in todays society.

Answer 3

Well, it is not a must. But yes, most of them change their last name. But i think it is because men are more powerful as they are the head of the family, so i think their wife change their last name because, most of the men work to earn money for their family and their wife do the house things.

Answer 4

It's a reflection of the new family that you are beginning with your marriage. As an option, he could change his name to yours.

Answer 5

i think before is was just what you did, you never really heard of woman keepin their own name.but now things have changed so much for women,many keep thier name or have both names. i took my husbands name but i was young when i got married and just thought you had to. but now i wish i would have kept mine also, that is the name you are given at bith and your family name,who you are. but you do what you feel is right thats whats great is you have a choice-so think about it before you just give up your name and take on his

Answer 6

I have to say its been like that for a very long time cause back in the old day the men went out made the money and women stayed home and clean and cooked meals and the men were superior.

Answer 7

I think it has to with marrying into a family. In the old days the mans last name meant something. The girl was no longer pat of her family anymore. I changed my last name because i am now his.

Answer 8

There is no law in the U.S. that says a woman has to change her last name when she marries. It is the woman's choice. If you want to know why women change their names then you are going to have to ask those who did when they got married.

Answer 9

She doesn't have to, it's not something that's written in stone. I knew a man who changed his name to his wife's surname by deedpoll when they got married. You do whatever you want to do these days!

Answer 10

Yes.

Answer 11

Yea, pretty much. Or you can consider it tradition. Don't do it because you have to, if you do it, make it because you respect your husband enough to give him that honor. The choice is yours, it really doesn't matter what people think the reason is, what matters is what is YOUR reason for doing it.