Am I naive to be involved with an older man (early 40s - I - early 20s)?

Question

who has two daughters the same age as I, and is currently living away from his home and in the process of a divorce from his wife?

Answer 1

Look, I am 24 and married to a 41yrold man, we met three years ago. He was never married before me, and he didnt have any children, but trust me he had baggage enough. Anyone that much older than you has almost an extra lifetime of baggage than you do. This guy has a lot, 2 kids and an ex who will always be in his life and yours because of the kids. And presumably you are going to get a lot of c-r-a-p from the daughters for dating their dad. I would give my dad stick if he started to date someone my age. I would only get involved with him if you really love him, or you really think this could work. Or if you just want a casual affair and you think you can manage keeping it from his kids and ex.

This is a ticking timebomb, stay away unless you reeeeeeaaallly know what you are getting yourself in for.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Only you know the answer to that. Is he placing all the blame on the ex-wife for the divorce? Or is he accepting his part of the responsibility? How long has he been separated from the ex? Is he close to his children?

If he is playing the victim in the divorce, chances are he's not a keeper. If he and his wife are just recently, within the past year, separating & divorcing, then statistically, it's not going to last with you. If he's close to his daughters, and they hate you, do you really want to get in the middle of that situation?

Of course, he may be a great guy. I wouldn't make any wedding plans anytime soon, but it's okay to get to know him, become great friends, and help support him through this time.

Answer 3

I think you should do what you feel is right for yourself and also for your partner although the few people ihave known that had a relationship with a man so much older turns into trouble. my sister married a man 27 yrs. older than herself he had 3 teenage children and she was always placed on back burner, children were jealous, would not respect her fighting and hard times came and then divorce. in your case his children are your age, i think there could be problems, you might very well be running into trouble. remember that his children will always come before you, especially because they are not yours, they could also have issues with there father because he is having a relationship with someone there age.have to look at all sides. I still believe though that if you feel it could work and it makes all happy then give it a shot, you should also keep in mind that the relationship can go down. he might also be looking for an imediate replacement for his wife, i think it is to soon and dangerous to be involved in this relationship the first one is not even over yet, give this more thought. good luck

Answer 4

Always use caution. This guy is rebounding right now. As for the age, well it can be difficult for both of you with that many years between you. Your interests are so different and although right now you both think you are in love, wait 10 years and see how you feel about being 30 and married to a 50 something man who is tired and settling into his ways and you still needing to sew wild oats. Not a good Combo. Good Luck..

Answer 5

Yes. You are worlds apart in experience and emotional maturity. You need to tell this man that you cannot see him anymore until the divorce is final. Otherwise, he just strings you along pretending the divorce is in process when he is really just dating while married. Do not continue to be his convenient sex partner with no expectations of a future unless this is exactly what you want.

When his divorce is final, take it slow. Find out if he really loves you or is just taken with the fact that he can attract a woman much younger than he is. I think you will find that if he does actually finalize his divorce, he will be interested in dating many women.

Answer 6

Good luck. He'll probably do the same thing to you in a few years (obviously you helped him cheat on his wife which lead to this divorce), but you'll be too old to divorce or too far in a hole so you'll just forgive him and stay married. Have fun being secretly hated by step daughters the same age as you.

Answer 7

You will probably end up with the short end of the stick, but it's up to you. He certainly gets a big boost to his ego with a 'half his age gal' when he reenters the dating game legally. Plus you will be caught in the middle of all the divorce mess which is likely to be unpleasant at best. Age difference relationships can be unusual to deal with any way and this situation just intensifies the trouble.

The fact that you asked the question the way you did....says alot. You already know the answer.

Answer 8

Just by you considering some type of relationship with this man .. he must feel as if all his Christmas' have come at once. What an ego boost for him. He has an history and daughters your age - long term would be very difficult to make it work. Surely there are some young men your own age that can offer you more .. I am sure you deserve it !!

Answer 9

Is that what he told you? Or did his wife throw him out for his addiction to young girls? Why don't you ask his daughters?

You have met his daughters, haven't you? Or talked to them on the phone? You don't know anything about this guy - do you? That's why you are writing questions on here.

Does a man the age of your father make you feel terribly mature? Well dream on, you grown up Daddy's girl. To say you are naive is a gross understatement, as I am sure you well know.

A great deal of detachment is called for, at least until you have proof that his divorce is final. Until then keep your knickers on and you won't come to much harm.

Answer 10

you're not naive. you just have low self esteem. why date someone who has so much baggage?
yuck.
if i was young in my 20s would either focus on school or date a man late 20s to early 30s who never got married, with no kids or baggage so we can build a life together and enjoy each others company.
people with baggage usually have bad habits that are contagious.
u can date him if u want. maybe you feel sorry for him, who knows. personally if i liked myself, id want someone more like me= no baggage, around my age.