What is wrong...?

Question

You met him when you were 18 and he was 34
You were inexperienced and far away from your family and came to the city for University, he worked in construction and odd jobs.
You liked him and he invited you to his place, you went there and he pressured you into sex and you got pregnant.
He pressured you into marriage. His proposal was, "lets get married my child has to have my name". You paid for the marriage license, because he said he was broke when you got to the city hall.
You continued going to school through your pregnancy had the baby and also graduated, you got a good job after your studies.
You encouraged him to go to University and you helped him with his school work. He graduated and you helped him apply for jobs but he can't hold down any job he has had. He is back doing construction from time to time.
He says you look down on him, and he yells at you, your parents and kid. He gets into fits of rage and blames you.
He tells lies about you and says without him you'd be dead.

You are now 33 and he is 49, he still can't hold down a job and his fits of rage are getting worse.
You feel responsible to help him, but he won't listen to your advise.
A woman he dated once charged him with assault, she later dropped the charges.
He said he had slapped her because she slapped him, then she called the cops so it wasn't his fault.
You begin to wonder if you're wasting your life trying to help someone who doesn't really want help?

He has been violent with him on some occasions. On one of them he punched the side of my face and my ear drum was perforated. I didn't want him in trouble so when the doc asked, I told them that a ball hit my head.
He will not go for counseling or to church. He says that he has not done anything wrong. He says it is my fault and that he saved me but I don't appreciate all he has done.

Answer 1

Been there done that, left him, hes now 65 still hasn't held a job, he told me it was my fault he couldn't work thirty years ago, but even after we divorced he still couldn't keep a job.
You husband is a LOSER.
Dump him, hes using every line ever used by a loser.
'Its all your fault" "You could never make it on your own" " You need me", everything hes accusing you of is what he actually thinks about himself.
Don't waste another moment of your life,
I met another man and we have been married for 28 very happy years. But even if I hadn't, I still would have been happier alone than with husband No 1

Answer 2

He sounds like an emotional misfit and wants you to feel insecure and out of control with your own balance in life. He just can't find himself and he wants you to be as lost as him. It looks as though he has some underlying anger issues and taking them all out on everybody. At this point you need some professional intervention here so he can find out what he means to himself and how his attitude is affecting the people around him. You only have to look at yourself to realize you are a susessful person through all of your own accomplishments and the truth is that he would not be where he is without you. He is really very insecure about himself because he isn't stable and comfortable using his educated knowledge to hold down a job. He feels more safe going back to the comfort zone of his old job because he understands and knows what he can expect there.Maybe he is feeling pressured into becoming someone that he doesn't want to be? So going back into construction work is the way he is telling everybody this? Although he managed to get a higher education with your help he may be thinking that he doesn't measure up or have that much confidence in himself?I would go into some counseling with him to see if a third party could find out where his issues really are. he needs to learn how to deal with himself to be more constructve in dealing with his life and be appropriate in his attitude with his family.

Answer 3

I know it's hard when you have been with someone for so long, but this sounds like a dead end relationship. Your husband sounds like a man who can not take responsibility, and lacks any kind of direction. It's clear from your question that you are unhappy. You have a good job- leave him and start the rest of your life. He is holding you back, and although you have spent many years trying to help him, it sounds as though he is a lost cause.

Move on- give yourself a chance to meet a man who treats you the way you deserve. And here's a final thought- there are worse things than being single- and one of them is being with an abusive deadbeat.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Sorry hun! I had the same problem with my two boys sperm donor. He would always make me look like the bad guy and that he only hit me because i hit him. I didnt lay a hand on him until he hit me when I was pregnant. If a man hits you and doesnt want help you need to leave him. I had to work and get beat on until i realized it wasnt worth it and I could do so much better. Even if he does or did stop hitting you you still getting the mental abuse and i believe thats alot worse. Its not your fault and he just dont want to be in fault. I know you love him but do me a favor and get out of there before its too late.

Answer 5

That sounds like a guy that is being abusive and doesn't think much of himself. He's old enough now to know better.

Do you want your child to continue seeing your husband treat you like this?

I suggest you try to get to a marriage counselor. If not, you need to do what's in the best interest for you and your child.

Good luck!

Answer 6

GET OUT!!!!!!!
You are being abused emotionally and it is only a matter of time before he gets physical.
You owe it to yourself and especially your child to leave him and make a good life for yourself.
Some people are happy being miserable and making everyone around them miserable too.

You need to go to your parents or someother place that is safe. Get counseling for you and your child. Your child has grown up in this environment and thinks your relationship is normal. Do you want him or her to be in the same situation you are?

Take care and get out now, before it is too late.

Answer 7

Honey, this is beyond WRONG!! By what you have stated you have done all you can to better both yourself and him.There is this saying " You can lead the horse to the fountain,but you can't make him drink."This situation is not healthy for you nor a child! No man should make you feel less than what you are!

Answer 8

He's a jerk. Leave his deadbeat *** and make a life for you and your child elsewhere.

If you're afraid of him hurting you physically, then file a restraining order against him.


**If you stay with this guy and he ends up killing your child because of his "rage" then you will also go to jail for leaving your kid in a situation like that. Stop being an idiot and leave. File for sole custody. Get a restraining order against him.

I can't believe women are still this dumb. Stop making excuses for him. Stop thinking you can help him. Stop thinking he'll change. YOU CAN'T HELP HIM. HE WON'T CHANGE. YOU ARE RISKING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILD'S LIFE STAYING WITH HIM!!!!!!

Answer 9

Sounds like he has low self esteem. Do you love him? I didn't hear you once say you love him. Are you asking for permission to leave cause you are the only one who can decide that. Have you tried marriage counseling?

Answer 10

He is mentally abusive, and while he insisted his child has his name, he obviously can't support it. He pressured you into sex in the first place. He treats your parents badly. Umm....what is the question? GET OUT. And don't hold your breath waiting for child support.