A Poem By Marguerite?

Question

It came upon the same time
In a distant neighborhood
Lived a man of honest rhyme
The man truly understood

Funny and thoughtful was he
Open to share emotion
Brave enough for poetry
The man of calm commotion

A happenstance connection
From a melody of tones
Entered my soul reflection
The man with dinosaur bones

Answer 1

Well done Marguerite. Much better thought out, much easier to read, much more sense. As other people said here, it is a very nice poem.

I hope others who wish to post their efforts here take note that you are putting big effort into improving your poems and so should they.

Take care, Jim

PS Jut one thought...should it no be possessive, 'my soul'S reflection'?

Answer 2

Okay, everyone told you how much they liked your poem, so I guess I get to be the bad guy and tell you the parts that might benefit from editing. here goes...

"It came upon..." Why "it"? what is "it"? You could make this poem seem more fanciful and original if you said, "Once upon a same time"...consider it. Also, I'd recommend putting "the man truly understood" in parenthesis...that way it shows why it doesn't form part of the existing sentence structure. Another option would be dashes "--", but parenthesis would be more conventional.

Your second stanza starts out on the wrong foot. You might try changing the order of lines so they read,

Open to share emotion
Funny and thoughtful was he
A man of calm commotion (use "A" instead of "the")
Brave enough for poetry

In the last stanza, consider that your third line must read well from the first, because the second line is an interjection. For example, the following should make sense and read naturally:

"A happenstance connection entered my soul reflection" but it doesn't seem natural to me. If you'd said:
"A happenstance connection brightened my soul's reflection", okay, fine, looks good...you need to make it "soul's" anyway. If you meant that this connection, or that this person "entered your soul's reflection", then you need to reword the line...or you need to say that "By a happenstance connection, he entered my soul's reflection". Then as a final line, "the man with...", you might want to say, "This man with..."

good poem, hope my suggestions help make it better.

keep writing

Answer 3

Marguerite - this way of appealing start. creation is a superb and advantageous present. I enjoyed your play of words interior the expression and you carried me all the way via without hesitation. My in demand lines are: "to those that pay attention with hearts taking off and engrossed The recommendations of this converted dreamer who as quickly as became lost" nicely placed!

Answer 4

This was a very smooth read Marguerite. It was good poem in content, and technically it was good.

Thanks for sharing it.

Answer 5

Very nice Marguerite!!
You have a flair for poetry, even the last one was good..
Keep writing_ !!!

Answer 6

I like it. It has a theme and rhythm which I have always looked for in poetry. Good luck.

Answer 7

I enjoyed your poem - so thank you for sharing it.

Was there a question?

Answer 8

I love this. Are you going to tell us who this is about? Is he still single?

Answer 9

you utilize the ab-ab scheme very well i like this alot

Answer 10

its an awesome poem i adore it