7 years ago I caught my husband having an affair. Back then I thought he had a major problem with sex and so did the counselor we went to. She thought he was addicted to sex. He blamed me for everything and counseling sessions were a place where I went and left feeling like crap and he went and left feeling great. I know we should have changed counselors, but he wouldn't do that because this one was working for him. I guess I lack a little confidence... anyway, we went to counseling and I thought he stopped having affairs. I found out for sure last week that I was wrong. He's actually seeing at least 2 different women now. I've confronted him and now he feels bad and he'll go to counseling and he's sure hes addicted to sex and "if I were addicted to drugs, wouldn't you work through it with me". I told him 7 years ago, if I ever caught him again I'd never forgive hime. I really feel that way. I also think he's been having affairs our whole marriage. Help...
2007-08-18 00:50:37 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel for you but im going to be pretty blunt.
The unpainted truth is that you will be dead in the best case scenario within the next half century. In that time you have a fella that goes around enjoying sex with other women regardless of your feelings...
If you are scared to get old alone, then stay with him and always know and cringe when you see somethin on tv about afairs, knowing your one of the poor basta*ds....
or just get rid of that fool, i mean, why stay? You could get another fella, to go on about "oh im adicted to sex" is one of the biggest jokes i have ever heard. "im addicted to sex, and the councillor that works for me says so too". All men are addicted to sex for christ sake, the fact that he aint raped anyone, or been on sexual assault charges or touched kids shows that hes not addicted to sex, to compare it to drugs, id kill a child for crack if i was a crackhead, i wouldnt select specifics.
If you stay with him your a joker, a complete and utter moron with all the sense and morals of of a brain damaged ant.
Stuff always works out even if you expect the worse, so just get rid of him eh. In a years time u will just be free completely.
We are all born and die alone, even if we mask it, dont let your life be pissed on by someone who quite franky, dont give 2 sh*ts about you, or your feelings.
2007-08-18 01:09:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to feel you have to stay with anybody that has no respect for you. You owe this man nothing but to give him back his life to do what he wants without affecting yours. You done the best you could a long time ago to give him the chance to control his sex addiction and he will not even help himself. You are risking and putting your own life into his hands everytime he sleeps with another vulnerable woman. He is not worth dying for when his mission in life is to constantly bring you down and not up in his world. You can have all the feelings in the world to see the better person in him but if he can't see it for himself you can't make a blind man see. You made a promise to him 7 years ago that if you ever caught him betraying you again that you would leave. it appears that he did not take you seriously so now is the time to stand on your word and make a believer out of him. You can only take care of yourself and know that you deserve more than the dirty deal in life that he has given you.
2007-08-18 03:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he blamed you for everything as a means of excusing himself and then left feeling great because he shifted the blame from himself, leaving you feeling crap. I dont believe if he really wanted to be married then he would be having so many affairs. You could try a trial separation, if that doesnt make him appreciate wot he has with you then nothing will. Give it a try. Have you considered having an affair?
2007-08-18 00:56:52 · answer #3 · answered by Gemma T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's easy - just get him Neutered... THAT should take care of the problem ;););)
On a more serious note - you have TRIED to help him through this, but HE has CHOSEN to ignore the councellor's advice. An "addict" can only seek treatment once THEY are ready to do so...
At this point - I think it might me a lost cause. The reason you are "feeling like crap" after these councelling sessions is because he is blaming EVERYOBDY ELSE for HIS problems - and in this case, that means YOU.
This is a form of ABUSE - and you deserve FAR better than this lying sack of crap...
Leave him to his 2+ other women - hopefully they find out about each other, and one (or both) of them rips him a new one ;););)
(Now if you're the "evil vindictive type" - you could always tip one/both of them off...)
2007-08-18 00:53:37 · answer #4 · answered by Bubbles 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't already gotten a sexually transmitted disease you will soon enough. This sex addict thinng bothers me because it can be used as an excuse as if it were an illness. Maybe it is for some but not for everyone who runs around on their mate. I could be a sex addict all alone with my wife. Why have multiple women? I think society has devised illnesses for just about every form of personal misbehavior. The choice to make is yours alone but if it were me and my mate was doing this probably all along, I would be gone!
2007-08-18 01:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by Robert P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"1 affair is easier to forgive no doubt , and your right you should have found a councilor who was more able to step back and see both sides not just your husbands selfish side ".
"If you believe he's had more then 1 affair then I'd leave and as for being addicted to sex ? yes it is a sickness but blaming you? that is intollerable , do what you know you need to do get your self respect back and leave or kick him out you deserve much better he cant be trusted ".
2007-08-18 00:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he is dependable and a good provider, don't worry about it unless it gets out of hand. Do what woman have done for eons--have sneaky sex with the Alpha males when they are ovulating. Choose a man that is superior to your husband in looks and brains. Then when you are ovulating have sex with the guy to have a superior baby. Choosing better genes will be in the best interest of your baby so it is the proper thing to do. During those few times, avoid have sexual intercourse with your husband or get a diaphragm.
And when you have the baby tell your husband he or she looks just like you. You will have the satisfaction of knowing your husband is loving and supporting another man's child. Your husband will never know it but what a great way of getting back at him.
2007-08-18 01:06:53 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What do you need help with? The solution to your problem is plain as day, but you're too brain-washed to take it. The reason he cheated again (and again and again) is because that first time seven years ago, you allowed him to shift the blame for his behaviour onto you and as a result let him get away with it. You have taught him that you're a sucker. So ask yourself this: How much longer do you want to be one?
2007-08-18 00:55:18 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cold hard truth is you basically ok'd it after sticking around after the first time. You were also dumb enough to believe he was addicted to sex because someone with a piece of paper said so.
Alcoholics and junkies have actual problems. "Sex addiction" is an excuse like "I tripped, fell out of my clothes and into her/on top of him". Stop wasting your time and giving people a reason to call you dumb and leave.
2007-08-18 01:09:03 · answer #9 · answered by riding128 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can make it on your own with out him, I would leave.
In the long run it will tear you down and then what good will you be to anyone?
I suggest you tell him that you understand he has an "addiction" but just like a chemical addiction it does not have to be fed. He chose to betray you with his canal knowledge of another person.
Remember that saying..
Screw me once shame on you...
Screw me twice shame on me...
You can not help him, so help yourself and get out if possible.
2007-08-18 01:27:38 · answer #10 · answered by honeykoen1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋