I have been married for 18 years this monday. A few years ago my husband slipped and said he loved a girl from work to me during sex. I am 19 years younger than him and she is younger than our oldest daughter. He dreams about having sex with the girl from work among many others and has called out thier names. He looks at others no stares when we are out together. Should I let him go. I am obviously not who he wants to be with and I can't ignore this. I have tryed to talk to him many times, but nothing much changes. I don't want to be cheated on but most of all I don't want to be lied to. I feel like a fool for still loving him and wanting him to be happy. I just don't know what to do. Any advise?
2007-08-17 19:35:54 · 13 answers · asked by lovesfool 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm am better looking than I was 18 years ago. And I have tried everything from massage to sex swings. I have cooked, cleaned and we have one out of four grown and out of the house. I have treated him like a king. He has been a good man except for this. I think he still cares. At least he acts like he does. He does listen. But I wonder, small things like trying to call him and he forgets his phone in the car, today. The dreams and names. I don't think I'm who he wants do I give it another year or just let him go.
2007-08-17 20:15:17 · update #1
If you are American and have an American marriage you have the right half of everything he owns. You also have the right to ask for full custody of the children.
No wife should ever have to suffer the disrespect of a husband. No husband who respects his vows and you would ever subject you to that kind of torture.
Discuss with him how you feel about what he has been saying....if he doesnt understand....than I suggest you discuss with him all that he might lose if he choses to cheat with another woman.
2007-08-17 19:41:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear lovesfool,
You are so incredibly passive.
Your husband has already crossed a line of basic respect toward another human being, that should have never been crossed. He also does not seem to care for you at all in any way. He might cheat soon.
He might be your husband but he is a real piece of trash. Admit it. A blind person could see that. It is up to you if you want to waste your life with someone so worthless/crazy.
Why did you marry someone so much older than you? You're throwing your youth away by doing that. Next time stick with a modern, good man your own age, and make sure you really know him well. If you would have done that with your husband, you would not hav married him in the first place.
And that obsesion with really young girls sounds even a little sick.
Enough wasted time. Get away from him as soon as possible, and get therapy for your self esteem problem. Take your daughter with you.
2007-08-17 20:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy but, let me first say not all guys are the same, we may lose hope but I promise they are not the same. I'm so sad to hear this and 18 yrs is a long time and a huge part of your life and what you know. 19 yrs younger is also a great distance too. When I think of the person I love, wheather it be a husband or boyfriend, i would want to be loved with the same respect and dignity that I give my partner. I know this hurts and the one who loves you should never hurt you. they are suppose to complete you, make you smile. This will make you very insecure and curious and you will end up being miserable wondering fighting etc. If you feel treathen and hurt you will never be happy. who want to live like that. something or someone has to change! No one can tell you what to do its your life but you already know this is not the way love is suppose to be!
2007-08-17 19:48:04 · answer #3 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do know what to do, but it's a hard thing to make happen. Adding a child in the mix of your marriage adds to the difficulty. Let us first mke it clear that he has the issues and not you (based on what you are writing). If he is so willing to bring out his fantasy's into your world (uninvited) then he is selfish and strangely rude. If counceling is not an option, than maybe the best answer is to move on. Easier said than done (I know) but needed.
He is not thinking of your needs. He is not even trying. I am sorry that you are about to face such difficulty, but in time I think you will be better off and he can go on with his life (that will never be satisfied because he will jeep getting older and the girls he wants seem to have to be younger). I wish you luck!
2007-08-17 19:46:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I as a man can love one woman for the rest of my life and be in utter bliss. I already do. So with that being said it sounds like your husband doesn't love you anymore, and especially if he is cheating on you with these women, then let him go your real soul mate is still out there waiting for you.
2007-08-17 19:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by krysteven 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am one man for one woman and that woman is
my wife of over 20yrs. Some men get tired of
what they have and think they can do better else-
where. If your husband is that type then your
marriage is probably overwith. Go on with your
life and let him go on with his. Good luck.
2007-08-18 09:58:18 · answer #6 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. What your husband is doing is definitely unusual for either women or men, and it is a shame that he could care less to hurt you in this way. Don't give up on your marriage so easily though. Try marriage counseling. Good luck and God bless.
2007-08-17 19:40:46 · answer #7 · answered by wizball 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A few years ago he admitted he was "in love" with someone else??? And he continues to call out names??? What will it take for you to leave him? Will having sex infront of you break the deal?? You deserve better!
2007-08-17 19:43:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well, do u expect him to look at you today like the first day you met, more than 18yrs ago?! he is getting comfortable with you and is acting out his fantasies so you better act yours. if you expect him to be sexually attracted/ aroused by you , after so many yrs, just as the first time you met then you are fooling yourself. he is no good to you just because he doesnt respect your relationship but i dont think he fell on his head yesterday and became that way.
2007-08-17 19:46:15 · answer #9 · answered by mr b 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If it's only sex he is interested in. Then perhaps you should introduce him to porn DVD's and encourage him to get a porn habit.
Guys who watch porn a lot end up masturbating a lot too. They spend a lot of their sexual energy on porn. And they often end up having less sex-drive for real women.
Perhaps he has too much sex-drive. But there is more than one way to satisfy it. And if you help him find an alternative way to satisfy his excessive sex-drive. Then perhaps he will loose his desire to cheat on you with other women.
2007-08-17 19:55:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋