Should i get married? Or should i break up?

Question

I think i may have lost my girl for good. I've been going out with my girl for over a year. I'm 25 and she is 20. When we first started going out I was a virgin and made a vow to wait for marriage to have sex.Within 2 months i had broken that vow. I pretty much moved in with her after that. We were fine for a while, then we started arguing. I had my own place and sometimes i'd go back there when we were arguing. And every once and a while i'd want to take a break from her because i would get tired of always being sad. I was not very good to her. I didn't treat her as good as she deserved. I realised this and wanted to break up a few times. But she would always come back to me, never me to her. This last time i stopped calling her about a month ago, I wanted it to be over. I wanted to move on. But i realised about 3 weeks into the break(I never even told her we were on a break, I just stopped talking to her. I realise now how foolish that was.) I didn't want to be without her.

Now i realise how much she means to me. I have been such a jerk to her for at least 6months, because i've been so unhappy with myself and I took that out on her. I want to change now. I want to be the nice guy i was at the begining of the relationship. But since i've done her wrong a few times before, since i've broken her heart a few times, she's reluctant to jump back into a relationship with me, understandable.
What makes matters much worse is that she didn't wait around for me this last time. She had shed enough tears over me. Unknown to me, She moved on. Within a week of me not talking to her, she starting dating a new guy. He's got a kid and an ex-wife. Within 3 weeks of dating her, they have had sex and he asked her to marry him.
All of this was unknown to me. She never told me any of this, but I never told her we were on a break either, so i'm not an innocent victim here.
So a week ago i realised how much she means to me. I realised that when we had sex for the first time

that i wanted to be with her forever. I just wish i didn't take so long to figure out how much she means to me. I do love her and i've since told her how much she means to me and i want to treat her like she deserves, really good.
But she was dating this other guy, she never even told me she was dating anyone. I looked at her phone ( I know that this was wrong too. It was very disrespectful to do it behind her back, but she's not very open with me most of the time.) and i found text messages from the other guy from the night before. She was hanging with me, then she left and met him that same night. She was playing me! What hurt the worst was that she wasn't about to tell me about him, i had to sneek behind her back to find out. When she was busted she explained why she did it, Because she's not sure about me, she doesn't want to trust me because i've hurt her before. But i want this to work out more than anything in the world.

i know i'm really inexperienced with women, but i know that i want to spend my life with her. I want this to work. I don't wanna give her up. I want to give it some time, but she wants a ring on her finger for her to even take me back. Why a ring? Because she knows how serrious i take marriage and if she has a ring, she knows that i'm not going to just run out on her. I feel that I can be the man she needs. She is everything i want in a woman, she's smart, loving, and beautiful. I just want one last shot at proving myself. If i fail, i'll never try again. I told her over a year ago, "If things don't work out for us, there is no back up plan. There is no other woman in this world for me. You are it." That's why I gave her my virginity that i saved for 24 years. That is why i'm going to fight for this relationship. If she wants a ring and a commitment, that's what i'll give her.

i'm going to go look at rings on monday. I know that i want to give this relationship everything i have. I'm going to stop being negitive and treat her like the goddess she is.

Answer 1

well if you were on a break a few times, and you wanted to break up a few times, and you know you stopped calling a few times, and then you would not come home a few times, but oh yeah defeinitly get married. I think you know the answer to your question.

Answer 2

The fact that you are having so many problems with your relationship proves these things....

1) You are too young and clueless to understand how to pick the right girl and make things work.
2) She runs the show and you're merely a pawn.
3) That you are going to end up marrying the wrong woman and having kids for the wrong reason, which will cause massive emotional trauma and pain and end in divorce. You will then pay through the nose in alimony and child support (for 18 years), all while failing to realize your full potential career-wise, as you completely ruin your life in every imaginable way.

Best advice? Get some balls and bail on this relationship. Get set in a career, make some money, buy a home and then get very picky about finding a mate.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Why would you want to marry this girl in a panic? There are very very few girls that I had wanted to marry. The signs that I would want to marry her are all over me: I think about her every waking moment (say every hour) and in my dreams, over a period of months. I'd lose enough of sleep thinking about her. And if she has a problem, I would lose all my appetite to eat before I can jump in and help her solve her problem. All my friends can see I have changed for the better and I am being made complete by her. I would forget my own existence and do anything possible in order to be with her. When she reciprocates her love for me, I would be in heaven. Even if she does not reciprocate her love in that same intensity, I shall show such patience that it is nothing short of dramatic. And I want to look into her eyes forever, and kiss her lips forever. Lovers are allowed that state when marriage is near, although it might seem a little too much for the outsiders, but who are they to judge? Well, does that state of bliss apply to you two now? .

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you need more time> You are hurt over the fact that she did not tell you about this other guy> You need to figure out if you really want her or if you are jealous over the fact that somebody else has her> There is no way that you should put yourself or her through another shot at the relationship until you have had time to accept her being with another guy and until you have had another girl desire you. come on give it more time than this. I know that sounds cold but I would much rather you hurt now , than to have to go and marry and then have to go through a divorce which is really painful. Good Luck to you

Answer 5

She would be wrong to take a ring from you now and think it was commitment. Look at your own description of your problem. You've just been playing a 'push-pull' game with her. When she pushes, you pull-away. When she pulls away, you push. It's really obvious.
So, you say, it is push-pull but now I really want to WIN this round. Don't even think about it. You'd be making a mistake because your commitment would not be based on love. It would be based on winning the push-pull round. So don't play. Let her live her own life in peace and happiness and you try to figure out what it is that you want to do in your emotional life besides play this silly game.

Answer 6

You guys are too young , especially her ! She has no idea what she wants ! I would say you need to wow her ...no need to get married to do that ..she just needs to see ou commitment in EVERYTHING...don't let her down once ...and then slowly the trust will be built up..if she marries this other guy its doomed dude doomed..she is so young and you also ...sort out the important things in life ...work , money , house, your aspirations for the future, excerise, eat well , just look after yourself etc and then on that journey your mate will cross your path..if she is the one she is the one and it will be ! If not it will be someone else .....thats the way life is..good luck!

Answer 7

I understand your situation but the two of you need to see a marriage counselor before you tie the knot. Marriage is not something you would want to jump into after all of the madness that has been going on in the relationship. You obviously hadn't figured out how to communicate with her prior to your new revelation. Communication is one of the most important tools in a successful marriage and both of you need practice.

Answer 8

Ok you need to make up your mind. You want her, you dont... Are you one of those men that only wants what you cant have?

You need to call her right now, apologize for your actions and tell her you want to be with her but you need time to get over how bad you feel about treating her the way you have. Let her know you still want her!!! Then take some time to yourself to think about what exactly you want in a relationship. Once you feel ready, talk to her about what you want and ask her what she wants.

I've always heard this line "men dont change" but that's bull. If you love someone you learn to compromise. Especially if you are going to live together.

You will find that if you do patch things up, and you move in together, you WILL have issues and squabbles, but you will need to learn how to get past them. Thats what really makes couples strong and THAT's what love is - hanging on because its worth it.

If you feel like its not worth it, which sounds like that to me since you've treated her this way.... Then you do need to apologize to her, then break up and move on for the best interest of both of you.

Marriage??? Definately not ready for that. You will know when you can TALK about your issues without walking out the door. Then laugh about it afterwards.

Good luck!

Answer 9

It's over pal. If you did get back together from here, it won't work. Too much has happened and each of you at sometime in the future will hold things against the other for what has happened. The trust in each other is gone. No amount of wanting will ever bring it back.

Answer 10

Dude, I'm sorry, but you're DEFINITELY not ready for marriage. If you really love her and are thinking in that direction then you two need to get some serious counseling going ASAP.

You've got to quit running when there's trouble ~ either that or this relationship is just really not for you, and you need to end it now, at least to let her move on.

Answer 11

First of all, you are messed up emotionally, this means that you are not emotionally ready for commitment. Secondly, there is an age difference that may cause some problems later on. And third, you guys are too young for marriage. Just an opinion...