I met my husband when I was 17 and was married and pregnant by 19. He is 14 years older than me. In the past he has cheated on me many times, physically abused me and put our family in financial ruin (didnt work for years while I always had to work full time). He is now 52 and seems to be changing just a little bit. After 20 years of abuse I dont want to be married to him anymore and I feel so guilty. I love him but I want to be by myself with my 4 kids. I have a good job and I can support myself but I dont have the heart to leave him. There is so much damage from the past that I just dont want him anymore. My heart is not into my marraige and I am sure my husband feels the same but neither one of us will make the first move. How can I just get out of this? My kids know I am not happy and they love their dad but they want to move also. We are his only family, He never knew his parents so we are all he has.
2007-08-17 17:31:11 · 47 answers · asked by Ms K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've had a pretty interesting life. Just take the kids and leave!
2007-08-17 17:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by The Red One 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Listen to your kids they want to move because they see that you're unhappy and been abused by your husband, you will have to make the first move and if you don't what will happen if you are not there one day and he's with the kids, what's going stop him from hurting them. Go sweetie before it's too late. There are too many woman out there that are in your situation and are afraid to leave because of what their husband might go to them if they leave. Is it worth taking more abuse and then if he is done with you his next target are the kids, do you really want that to happen. Just writing this is upsetting me, even though I don't know you or your kids, I feel the pain. One more thing, you said that you and kids are his only family, didn't look like it when he had the affairs, come on now. For you and the kids sake, leave. If you want to talk more just email me. This is truly killing me to see this happening. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision, my prayers are with you and the kids.
2007-08-17 19:13:15 · answer #2 · answered by Just J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, then leave him, I am so suprised that you stayed with him through all those years of abuse, sadly and no doubt your children suffered too., and you allowed this by staying, now I assume they are grown up and will understand everything more clearly, you are not responsible for your husband .... so you say you no longe rlove him ans that the damage he has done has ovbiuosly contributed to these feelings....so just leave . You will see that it will be a big load off your shoulders. I am sure you will have support from your children. Although you and your children are his only family as he never knew his parents, is not your problem...he should have respected you and your children even more so.... Your kids want to move too so really now dont question what you should do or how you should do it ...just pick up , pack up and go...and dont look back. You do not deserve to be abused no one does ... for the sake of your sanity and that of your childrens ....DO IT!... You should not feel guilty...start to live your life..... Your husband is way old enough to look after himself and even if he cant think about how he has failed looking after you! and your children!,... stand up and be strong!...GOOD LUCK!
2007-08-17 17:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Check out the books on psychology - the brain is not there yet until the age 25. There is no way to make a lasting decision at 15. The chances of survival for this kinds of marriage are slim to none. Each age has appropriate goals and 15 is better suited for personal development, spiritual growth, education, career search. By marrying at 15 you'd be tying yourself up and significantly shrinking your options for the future.
2016-04-02 03:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave that man! You deserve so much more! He has you believing that he is the only thing going for you in this life, but he is dead wrong! You don't have to stay with him "for the sake of the kids"-when my mom left my abusive dad, it was the best thing she could have done for me and my 2 siblings! You are not trapped! If you're afraid that he may hurt you for trying to leave him, then do it when he's not home. If you can, save up some money, and put away some clothing little by little, for you and the kids. You also want to tuck away some toys, legal documents (see the website I listed below) and odds and ends for the kids. Then, when you are ready to leave, walk out of the door and don't look back!
2007-08-17 17:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by Fallaya 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow I could have written that question about me and my x wife, scary. I got out after 13 years and 3 great kids. I am still not with Ms right but I have found myself. I did not become a man slut I did do the phone sex thing and that was a really nice outlet. Abuse can make you bitter and financially you can struggle another stumbling block. The kids do know mine supported my move. I'd love to talk with you any time.
2007-08-17 17:49:28 · answer #6 · answered by stbg3 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel how unhappy you are. I do volunteer work for the Domestic Violence Unit and meet a lot of ladies in your situation and worse. Before you make any final decision, consider seeing a counsellor. It may help both of you. But at the end if you decide to leave him, at least you know you have tried.
I did leave my husband a few years ago. He too didn't have anybody except me and the children. He re-married within 18 months of the divorce.!!!!
Your husband is an adult, stop worrying about him and look after yourself and your own happiness.
Good luck.
2007-08-17 17:46:56 · answer #7 · answered by nadia g 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How can you say you don't want to be married to him any longer and he has cheated on you more then once and has been physically abusive and your heart isn't in the marriage and you just don't want him anymore. But then say you feel sorry for him and you don't want to hurt him even though he has hurt you and your kids over and over again and again. I'm sorry but you really need to explain that one to me. I can't think of one reason why it should bother you to leave him,it's obvious he isn't a nice man or a good father. A good dad didn't do what he has done to their mother,you need to get your kids away from him before they become like him,it will happen if they stay around him and i know you don't want that. Do you want to see your son treat his wife like you have been treated. Your kids see anger and when they see that they get angry themselves. For your kids sake get away from him don't feel sorry for him he did this to himself. Life is way to short for you to put up with his bull s h i t . It sounds like you really don't know what happiness feels like,well it's out there waiting for you,you sure won't found it staying with him.
2007-08-17 17:56:04 · answer #8 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You say you don't have the heart to leave him. If you mean that, you have answered your own question. If not, you have the power within to be happy and either forgive and forget or forgive and move on. You shouldn't feel guilty, don't allow him to have that kind of power over you. Change comes from within, it really is up to you in the end. If you can say you will regret your whole life if you stay with him, then you really need to move on. I truly believe every person in your situation knows the answer, fear (the unknown) has a way of holding people back. Don't let fear or guilt rule you, make a positive choice, whatever that might be. Good luck!
2007-08-17 17:39:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Leave him!!! You dont need to be treated like that its not right..... take your kids and go think of them and dont feel guitly you have too besides 14 years is too much distince between you need to find a good guy while your still young and can start over your probably only is you 20's or 30's thats not old at all take life 4 what it has and get away from him
2007-08-17 17:43:15 · answer #10 · answered by kassie m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know you could do a trial separation to see if that would work. Maybe being friends is what you really want form this relationship.
You can share the kids on weekends.
Baby you've been married for your entire life and saddled with kids. There's a whole world you have never seen. Try tasting a little of it. You aren't his keeper. He's 52 and time to be a big boy.
You gave up most of your life for him already.. let him give up some of his.
2007-08-17 17:40:57 · answer #11 · answered by youngboy1606 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋