am i in a dead end relationship? should i call it quits or stick it out?

Question

i have been with my bf for 6 years. we live in separate states because we are both in the military. we both agree that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, however whenever i bring up the topic of marriage, we end up fighting. i'm 27 years old now and i want our relationship to progress. he says he is waiting for the "right time" but i feel like it's an excuse after excuse. should i wait longer for him to come around or call it quits?

Answer 1

There is one thing that every "in love" woman has in common: She'll wait but she cannot wait forever.

Many times, people who are in love are meant to be, but not meant to be forever. It's hard to accept that reality when love in your heart says otherwise. Many people tread the same path, but come to a fork in the road where they should really part ways. If his heart is not with the whole marriage thing, and yours is, then that's two different paths. It's just like the issue of children. If a man knows for sure, in his heart of hearts, that he wants children, but the woman that he wants to be with for the rest of his life knows for sure, deep in her heart, that she does not want children---that's a big issue and is two different paths. If you are willing to wait, then I commend you, but be smart about things and don't wait forever.

If you believe that he is just trying to lay down excuses to not marry, then 9 times out of 10, you are exactly right. And if that is the case, move on because what you need at this point in your life, is not what he can provide. That's harsh, because you love him, but it's true.

Be smart. Wait, but don't wait forever. Because before you know it, you'll look up and realize that you have "waited" your life away. You'll look up and realize that you have wasted many years waiting on something that just is not in line with what you desire in life. Don't "wait" your life away. Put out that ultimatum and let him know that you will wait, because you love him, but that you cannot wait forever, because there may be someone out there that you will love more and who can provide you with what you need mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
~I wish you well in all of your endeavors.~

Answer 2

He's right. Now is not the right time. Marriage is hard in the military. Believe me, this is first-hand experience here. It's even harder when you are separated by state(s) and both in the service, particulary different branches or in job fields that never seem to be in close proximities of each other. Unless, you were both stationed in the same areas, I'd wait it out until you were. Or if it's really serious think about one person not re-enlisting as active duty next go around. However, if y'all aren't engaged or actively dating, I would say don't limit yourself to only having a relationship with him. Now might be the time to test the waters and see what else is out there close by. Good luck.

Answer 3

Yeah. That's about it. Until the woman finds a man with bigger wallet and attaches herself to it. I mean to him. You sound like a dream woman. Always beating your man to work harder for you, telling him he's a dead end, that you're ambitious and he's not, and he's dragging you down. I'll bet with motivation like that, he really WANTS to work hard for you so you can use him as a stepping stone to the next relationship. Being unsatisfied is what being a woman in western society is all about. You are woman. Hear you roar. But without men, you'd be nothing but another burqua-wearing servant. With the collapse of the economy looming, make sure you get your lips wrapped around the next guy before things fall apart. I doubt the current guy will want to do silly things like provide for you or protect you once you've dumped his sorry ***, and if you haven't got your claws firmly latched on to the next guy, he may just cut you loose. I would.

Answer 4

Sweetheart, if you've been with this guy 6 years and he still doesn't want to get married, I think it's time to move on. Don't waste your time with him especially if he gives you excuse after excuse. There will never be a "right time" for him. He's afraid of committment. Find yourself someone who is into you and wants to be with you no matter what. You deserve something better than what you're getting from him which is exactly nothing. Read Greg Behrendt's book-He's Just Not That Into You and you will see what I am talking about. Good Luck and thanks for serving our country in the military. I'm sure your parents are very proud of you.

Answer 5

First off as a prior service I can tell you from experience that since you two are at separate duty stations he is probably messing around. It makes sense since he does not want to further your relationship(plus dual service couples make tons of money so money could not possibly be an excuse!) Also at 27 you are in your prime and if he is taking the best years away from you by making you wait, move on before it is to late.

Edit- Also if you two get married the military will USUALLY try to move you together.

Answer 6

It's obvious that he's not into the relationship as you are and he's definitely not ready for marriage that's clear so you already know that y'all aren't on the same page so it's gonna be totally up to you and how much you can take and you know one of two things will happen you can wait for him to grow up and decide he wants the same thing you want or you can move on and maybe he'll see what he's lost by not wanting to move on in the relationship but whatever you choose i wish the best of luck because 6yrs. is a pretty good while to just throw away but life is too short to keep spinning your wheels in the same spot and nothing changes. Good Luck!

Answer 7

OK - you've got a forced geographic separation. Nothing you can do about it, but it's definitely not the best time to get married. When you get married, you need to be physically close for a time.

This does not mean the relationship is dead or even dying. However, to build a great relationship upon which marriage can be an option, you need to make some togetherness plans.

Answer 8

I want you to think about what you wrote here. You are both in the military..... hum?

27 is young but I want you to ignore all the comments before mine a that say that you should call it quits.

I personally have you both on a pedestal. I honor those who serve my country and you should honor him like a woman should honor her husband by way of support in a fashion that shows him you love him. Too many time women are so willing to give into their own demands that, it puts men off and if you did what these other people are suggesting you do, you'll be the statistic. They know nothing and I know what it's like to be married to a army doctor.

Support, love and commitment are all relative, it's not what you are doing it's how you show that you love him id what counts.

TRUST ME.

Answer 9

Six years??? You are f'ing yourself. Stop wasting all that time on someone who cannot commit and back off from the relationship. Six years is too long for anyone to wait for marriage male or female. If he was going to marry you, he would have done it by now. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Seriously.....I am married to a military man myself. If a man wants to marry you he won't let anything stop him. Believe me. You already have six years down....don't let it be ten and don't let those child bearing years get away from you. You deserve a good man and a family.

Much luck to you.

Answer 10

Both of you should start dating other people, if you haven't already. If you are in the military, you have more guys around than you need. And, there will be civilians to date, too.

Just be a great military female example, and stay away from the married men. There is a pattern of behavior there that encourages women to be a bit tacky and promiscuous (when their men are deployed).