Just one more, please
One more kiss from you soft, supple lips
One more hug from your strong, understanding arms
One more whisper from your honest, stable words
Just one more touch from your graceful, loving fingertips....
An Original By:
Ally Cooper
2007-08-17 17:06:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I did that on purpose, I like to leave the reader waiting for more....
2007-08-18 06:24:41 · update #1
OOOh! It's good. Short but very very creative.
2007-08-18 05:25:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...first of all, you need to change the "you" to "your" in the first line. Then I'd recommend dropping "your" from the second line. Why? because you've already established the fact that you are asking this of a specific someone. Next, I'd change "words" to "heart"...why? because everything you desire is from a part of this someone..."words" are not a part of that someone, they are what that someone produces...and a "whisper" doesn't come from words...a whisper is the sound of words emitted from the heart...and "stable" is a little out of context here as well..."steady" would be better, so would "loving", but you use that for fingertips. Finally, I understand you want the reader wanting more...but you can achieve that with more closure if you simply use part of your title as a last line that says, "Just one more..." or "I just want more..."
keep writing
2007-08-19 14:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I like the poem, but you left the reader on hold.
2007-08-18 03:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by Jai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ally,
Arms don't "understand."
What do they do? Think about it.
I think you need to work a little harder.
Margot
2007-08-21 23:19:16 · answer #4 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋