Am i over reacting?

Question

My girlfriend smokes, not alot but ive seen how badly it can turn seeing as how my grandpa died because of cigarettes. Ive asked her to quit. She knows how badly i dont want her to smoke. Shes even told me not to do drugs anymore because shes seen her dad become addicted to them and i quit for her. Im making sacrifices for her but shes barely doing anything for me. Should i care that she smokes? Should i keep trying to get her to quit? Should i just give up and let her slowly kill herself? Does it actually matter if she sacrifises anything for me?

Answer 1

As a former smoker, let me tell you that she won't quit until she's ready. There is nothing you can do to get her to quit - so make up your mind whether you want to be with a smoker or not. If not - break up with her. If she tells you that she can quit anytime because she doesn't smoke that much - bull! - it's the lie that all smokers tell themselves at some point to justify still smoking. If she can quit anytime - then how about now?

Quitting smoking is incredibly hard - harder than kicking alot of drugs. I've heard that quitting smoking is even harder than quitting heroin.

That said - if she decides to quit then be there for her all the way. Alot of people are almost intolerable to be around when they are quitting - super moody, anxious, just plain mean. Just ride it out and know that it shouldn't last more than 2 weeks. She might gain some weight (~10lbs.?) - let her know it's ok. The weight will come back off eventually, especially if she substitutes exercise for the cigs. Let her know the first three days are the worst and after the first two weeks she might have a bit of craving rebound - it will pass. She might have a few starts and stops. It took me a few months of trying to finally quit for good.

Finally - yes, you should care if she smokes. She is exposing you to second hand smoke, even more poisonous than the stuff she's inhaling through the filter. If your relationship goes to the point of marriage and children - will she smoke around your children? My mom smoked around me and that's where I got my first pack.

Good luck!

Answer 2

What matters is what you're willing to put up with and accept in a relationship.

Smoking is a serious health risk. If the two of you get more serious and have children eventually, smoking will affect their health as well.

You can't make your girlfriend do anything, but you CAN decide if you are willing to date a girl that smokes.

Realise that smoking is an addiction and she may not be able to quit on her own. If she chooses to quit, she may need help, either medication or counselling. Be willing to support her in both of these.

I applaud you for quitting drugs, not just because your girlfriend asked you to, but because you care enough about yourself to do so. No matter what your girlfriend does or doesn't do, best wishes to you.

Answer 3

First of all, even if you upset with your girlfriend for not quitting, at least be glad that she motivated positive changes in your life. Maybe you can still do the same for her. Have you tried the same approach with her? Is she making an effort to quit or just not trying? If it really bothers you, let her know that you feel you took a big step by sacrificing for her and that you'd like the same consideration. Don't give up on her yet, though. Quitting takes time. Give her a reasonable trial period before you write her off.

Answer 4

I had a boyfriend for 12 years that didn't smoke and I did. I began smoking when I was 16 yrs old and continued for 38 years. My boyfriend NEVER ask me to quit, which was a good thing, because I wouldn't have. You have to decide to quit for yourself, it cannot happen because someone else wants you to. Occasionally we would go somewhere I wasn;t familiar with and he would say, don't pull out a cigarette in here, and that was fine.
I decided I would quit. He didn't believe me. I set a date 2 months a head of time and he was not supportive nor did he believe me. It was the hardest thing I ever did and yet I didn't have his support. Even after I stopped for 3 weeks, he still said I would begin again. I think this is one of the reason we grew apart. I quit smoking 5 1/2 years ago and I am very proud of the fact I did it!!

Answer 5

If I had to choose between losing someone I loved and an addiction I would like to say I would stop doing whatever I needed to do...People are selfish though and they arent called addictions for nothing. Have you talked to her at all about this and the reasons WHY you want her to quit...because you care about her and you couldnt imagine one day without her....if she doesnt have a good response...slowly get out of that relationship... we all have things we love to do that bring negativity into the realationship but hopefully she respects you enough to try and stop or atleast cut down...

Answer 6

Getting anyone to change a habit can cause hard feelings. If you have explained your worries to her and let her know how much you care about her and her health and she still will not quit then all you can do is allow her to make up her own mind in her own time. "Guilting" her into quiting will not work, and neither will your "self-sacrifices".
Ultimately you have to let her be who she wants to be and if you can live with it but if its a case of I give up this you should give up that or I want you to quit this or else.. then your relationship will not work
Basically people have to be who they are and hoping to change them is futile

Answer 7

The trouble with smoking is that second hand smoke is as bad or worse. My wife Gwen was a chain smoker who died young.

Sometimes I'd notice a full cigaret burning slowkly on the edge of her ash tray, as she chattered away with a second cigarette in her hand.

I was diagnosed with COPD, although I personally never smoked!

I watched my kid brother Al (who smoked) die of cancer, spitting up blood, worse every day.

I tried to keep my son Greg from starting this dirty & costly habit, but pier pressure was stronger. Al asked Greg to stop smoking, and he did!

I thank God that Al lived long enough to save Greg's life.

Show her this answer, and keep trying to save her!!!

Answer 8

well did you stop doing drugs for her because i think that if you stopped doing drugs and she wont quit smoking then you do have a reason to be upset by this, but if your still doing drugs then i see no reason to be upset. i dont think you should give up on her because why not let her shoot herself and die quicker. ya know? so keep at her and buy her the nicotine gum things and patches and maybe she will wanna cooperate. :]

Answer 9

you're right smoking is a bad habit, and can lead to serious health problems.. so is drug abuse.

if you quit drugs, do it for YOU, not for your girlfriend.. taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do.

you can urge her to quit smoking once in a whle, or ask her how it's going with trying to quit? you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, however.

if she doesn't make any sacrifices for you at all in your day-to-day relationship, and doesn't treat you well, then why are you with her?

take care.

Answer 10

I think no amount of badgering will change her mind, probably just irritate. If your aversion to her smoking is something you can not abide, I would suggest maybe finding someone else.
As a well known radio talk show host likes to say, is this the hill you want to die on?