what do ya think?

Question

This poem is as follows:
I cringe as I feel the tingle of your touch!
You burn my skin, yet I know that soon I will
feel the pain no more! Like a rabbit that
must hide in the hole, I hang my head in
shame, yet i know you will cleanse my
brain! My mind fills with a rush and you
have an etherical quality that gives me
a sense of soothing! Now, the feelings
wash over me like a wave washes over
the sand, and I feel only pleasure and no
more pain! Ah! Bliss and joy fill my veins
and seem to speak to me, saying, "We
are your one true love!" Yet, I know it is
all a facade and a lie, yet I can't deny the
everlasting feeling of euphoria!! As I close
my eyes and fall into the other side, I feel
no pain, at least for now!! But, I know it is
all a lie!

Answer 1

It sounds like you're chasing the dragon...but I don't understand the "burns my skin" unless you're speaking about a needle. In any event, there is a definate poetic quality to the write, although I think you might have done better with the line breaks. You used a lower case "i", but perhaps it was a typo since it only happened once. I'd also avoid using the word "Now"...it's understood.

otherwise, not a bad write

Answer 2

Aren't you simply POISONOUS! Read, read, READ the good stuff. Start here: http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1873 at The Ode Less Travelled by Steve Fry:

This is not an academic book. It is unlikely to become part of the core curriculum. It may help you with your English exams because it will certainly allow you to be a smart-**** in Practical Criticism papers (if such things still exist) and demonstrate that you know a trochee from a dactyl, a terza from an ottava rima and assonance from enjambment, in which case I am happy to be of service. It is over a quarter of a century since I did any teaching and I have no idea if such knowledge is considered good or useless these days; for all I know it will count against you.

I have written this book because over the past thirty-five years I have derived enormous private pleasure from writing poetry and like anyone with a passion I am keen to share it. You will be relieved to hear that I will not be burdening you with any of my actual poems (except sample verse specifically designed to help clarify form and metre): I do not write poetry for publication, I write it for the same reason that, according to Wilde, one should write a diary, to have something sensational to read on the train. And as a way of speaking to myself. But most importantly of all for pleasure.

This is not the only work on prosody (the art of versification) ever published in English, but it is the one that I should like to have been available to me many years ago. It is technical, yes, inasmuch as it investigates technique, but I hope that does not make it dry, obscure or difficult - after all, 'technique' is just the Greek for 'art'. I have tried to make everything approachable without being loopily matey or absurdly simplistic.

I certainly do not attempt in this book to pick up where those poor teachers left off and instruct you in poetry appreciation. I suspect, however, that once you have started writing a poem of any real shape you will find yourself admiring and appreciating other poets' work a great deal more...(From the excellent Foreward at pgs. xviii-xix)

Scroll down the page and throughout the forums, esp Ireland http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1514 and Poland http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1711for examples of time-tested poetry to rock your soul.

Answer 3

If you want to learn how to write about a dependency, read Ken Smith's 'In Praise of Vodka', and then you will see how weak your own poem is in comparison.

'etherical'? What the heck word is that?

Answer 4

Brain Freeze? or maybe Delerium?

Answer 5

Nice poem. You have created it very well.

Answer 6

Um, cocaine?