What'cha think?

Question

Alone.

Alone is where you left me.
By myself broken inside.
No one there to help,
to ease the pain.
Betrayed and lost,
hopeless and alone.
I sit in the night
surrounded by the darkness,
right where you left me.
By myself broken and lost,
waiting to be found.
~Leigh~

So what do you think of it?

Answer 1

Betrayed and lost
Broken and lost
................
Lose it


just kidding, not a bad effort, but needs something else, just not sire what. Doesn't flow for me.

Answer 2

I think it's SIMPLY PUT and because it's simple it has a deep impact in the emotions.

To me good poems are the ones that make you want to re-read them and get more and more out of them.
Save this poem and maybe someday you can add some more thoughts and feelings to it. You'd be surprised how this particular piece might develop into an ongoing process. Somewhere in life, you might think of it again and find the perfect second stanza to it.
Keep Writing!

Answer 3

I think it's a little too repetitive...you have to say more than "broken and lost" over and over. To summarize your poem, you say:

You betrayed me, left me alone, hopeless, helpless, broken and lost, so I sit in the night, right where you left me, surrounded by darkness, waiting to be found.

that's it...we don't know how you feel or what happened, only a single image. If that's what you're trying to convey, an image of someone already in that position, then you can say it in fewer words. However, I sense there is more to the story that needs to be told...

keep writing

Answer 4

one a scale of 1-10

4

needs more emotion but at the same time make it seem like your emotionless

Answer 5

The poem is awesome.

Answer 6

excellent content! song like!

Answer 7

nice and sad, but would like to read more...