well, my husband is getting worser and worser about the cleanliness. today he told me, not politely asking, to not leave the shoes inside the front door. first of all, we have a small as apt and he thinks it's his castle or some sort and he the king. he said that i'm a dirty person. no, i'm not dirty but i admit, i'm neither a pig nor a clean freak. it gets to the point where I don't care what he says anymore. i just simply ignore him and go about my things. pretending that i'm deaf and not hearing a word from his mouth. so, i told him if you worry about the clean then go clean it yourself. how do handle a guy like him? i'm running out of ideas here.
2007-08-17 14:40:59 · 18 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's not about putting up the shoes i have a problem with. we don't have a shoe rack and our apt is like so small we can make everything including the bedroom into a livingroom. I didn't put the shoes in the middle of the room for cry outloud. he goes on with don't sit in the bed with the computer, i tend to do that before because my back and school works. but I stop now. then he goes on about don't do this and don't do that. he called me a dirty asian b***tch and stuff
2007-08-17 14:50:05 · update #1
um...i only have a pair of shoes, it's not about the shoes, it's about the commanding me like a child
2007-08-17 15:10:04 · update #2
Well, if you dont care about what he says and you are deaf to his words then you dont need any more ideas, youve got it right now. If he wants to clean then he cleans himself. You can only be frustrated about his cleanliness if it is affecting you. It doesnt seem to be affecting you, so that in itself is a wonderful coping mechanism.......a lot of women would be angry, but you have found a way to cope with him and if it works then its right for you.
2007-08-17 14:48:22 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have one. It is hard, but we make it work. First, I let him know in a non combatitive way that I didn't appreciate how I was ordered to do certian things. It is not like I am a pig, but I have certain prioroties before cleaning. No, there arr not crumbs lying around, but I am going to do things before make the bed.are pigs.
Once we got beyond the "bossiness" I started to try and change one thing a week or so. I would try to do better about picking up my shoes and moving them into the closet. Or at the end of the night making sure that the dishes were out of the sink. It gets better when I make a concious effort. And he does the same. He reminds himself that I am not doing it out of disrespect, but I have ADD to a point where I just get stuck on something else and forget what I was working on.
And yes, he cleans too. More than I do. But I can't just leave the stuff lying around for him to do. In a calm way, is it possible to let him know that you are upset about how he talks to you? If you can, maybe you can come to a point where he can share what he gets frustrated about and you too. Maybe you can meet in the middle.
No, this will not happen over night - we have been together for ten years. I also would look and see how his family is. If they are neat freaks too, you might not be able to change him. This is the way he was raised. Good luck!
2007-08-17 15:24:17 · answer #2 · answered by RCJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh hell no, he called you that? In that case take all the shoes you can find and throw them all around the house. Then put all of the dishes in the sink and smear catsup and mustard over every single one. Hell, smear it all over the kitchen while ur at it.
Then be nice. Do some laundry for him. Take all of his clothes and put them in the washer. Whoops! Did that whole bottle of bleach actually fall in there? Oh well!
Then take a bowl of popcorn, and bowl of chips, and a bowl of nuts Pull back the covers on the bed and crush them and sprinkle them all over the place. Then remake the bed. You can't help it if you were having a tasty snack and a few crumbs happend to find their way under the sheets.Jeesh!
Put that little b**** in his place. Next time he gives you a command do the exact opposite of what he says. And tell him he has a small weenie if he calls you a b****
2007-08-17 14:46:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kristine R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
actually I think you handled it well. My husband is a clean freak too and I'm always telling him to feel free to take care of these things himself. I have to say though I am all for taking shoes of by the door. We do this because our carpets were nasty otherwise.
2007-08-17 14:49:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm 28, and for my area, i'm no longer a neat or germ freak, yet I do attempt to be good (a brilliant style of the time). i will wash my very own dishes, do my very own laundry, that tyep of outrage. I do occassionally get right into a brilliant cleansing/organizing temper, notably because of the fact I stay in an extremely small living house, so i don't have a brilliant style of room to bathe and keep greater stuff. this is a reliable way for me to bypass with the aid of issues certainly. i think of this is cool if a guy is neat and tidy, yet he additionally desires to have relaxing without regarding cleansing as nicely. It feels like which you and your lady chum stay mutually, so she might desire to %. up most of the slack too. perchance you may desire to have her a minimum of wash her very own dishes and do her very own laundry. she is going to might desire to do them while and if she's ever on her very own. Or greater suitable yet, attempt tackling most of the chores mutually whilst listening to some relaxing track or something.
2016-12-13 10:59:39 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty much how to do it!!!! I was married to one like that--he invited people over--they walked in mud somewhere and tracked it through our home, down the carpeted steps and into the basement. I was told to clean it up and I put my foot down and said no--you do it.
No one has to be nit picky clean as long as your home is clean and when people come over they don't feel uncomfortable because it's TOOO CLEAN. Let him do it since he's so perfect and you can do something else around the house.
2007-08-17 14:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by Mignon F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is cleanliness such a problem with you.Leaving your shoes around sounds sloppy to me ,and don't tell me that you don't have a little space in your apartment to put your shoes.I think that you may be a major part of this problem.Take another look at this problem,compromise is needed from both of you.
2007-08-17 15:04:03 · answer #7 · answered by Julius C 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He went too far calling you names. Tell him that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. Do you love him and want to make it work? Than be neater. If you can't handle it than I guess you may have to leave, don't seem like he is going to change. You didn't have any clue about his neatness before you got married? Ask him why did he marry you if he was going to treat you like this.
2007-08-17 15:07:27 · answer #8 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cleanness is next to Godliness! With children it's next to impossible. My point is dirt and dust happen the more bodies the more you have!
So if your not a Goddess and he's not a God.
Your choices are.....
1 he cleans
2. he learns to except your clean standers
3.you to clean together
4. My personal favorite:hire a maid
2007-08-17 15:01:46 · answer #9 · answered by noteworthy5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All this about a pair of shoes, better just wear
slippers from now on.
2007-08-17 15:33:54 · answer #10 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋