my b/f and i have been together 1 1/2 yrs and we have talked about getting married.im not sure i want to.i think we should get rings have a wedding reception live together as man and wife but without actually getting married.several of my family members are living together,for yrs,and not getting married.they have kids together and are completely happy.is it weird to just live/act like married couple without actually doing it?my b/f was married once when he was young.im 26 hes 36 and im not sure he even wants to get married again anyway.we love each other and want to be together.isnt that all that matters?is it wrong to just want to live together?
2007-08-17 14:39:11 · 14 answers · asked by wvgurl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, I would halt before I got the rings and had the reception. also, you can't really live as man and "wife" if you aren't his wife. you can choose to be his life partner, and make all of the arrangements you need to make without actually getting married. you can leave everything you own to him in your will. you can have a living will prepared that would cover any decisions you can't make for yourself while alive. you can also draw up a DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY. this would cover anything else, and allow each of you to make decisions for the other should he/she become incapable of making those decisions. (I, myself, am all for living together if that is the best choice for you. I've been married twice, my boyfriend has been married once, and although we don't live together yet, we're in no rush to get married, and will probably live together a long time before-if ever-we decide to get married.) most life insurance policies I've seen, and I've seen a few in my day, do not require you to be married to your partner for him to collect on your insurance as long as there are no suspicious findings in your death. as for the answer by Isabella S, I can tell you personally that is a crock of $hit! my second husband passed earlier in the year, and I collect a check on our daughter even though we were divorced. the way that works is if either of you leave behind a minor child(ren), the child would collect benefits that you had accumulated through working and paying taxes. IF you were married to your partner when you died, he would also receive a check for "surviving spouse raising minor children" and it would be made out specifically to him and not the child. the only way the ex could collect the social security on him is if they were married more than 10 years prior to divorce or death. living together DOES NOT count for benefits to be paid under Social Security.
if you want to live together as life partners, then be my guest, and have my blessing (not that you really care anyway! lol) but get all of your ducks in a row. each of you have a will drawn up so no one can come take the things you worked so hard together to obtain. talk over the life insurance with your agent, and he/she can direct you to the best policies for you. all the **** you would be doing if you were getting married and building a life together, but don't do the whole wedding reception thing. throw a party, invite your friends, and have a "life partner reception". if you want to buy rings to show your commitment, go with something that would be unique for each of you, but don't expect everyone to share in your joy as there are many people who will look down on you for this choice. but live your life together as the two of you see fit, and don't let anyone talk down to you about it. best of luck!
2007-08-17 15:18:10 · answer #1 · answered by flgalinms 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love each other you should have no problem getting married regardless of him being married before, marraige is supposed to be a bond between the to of you... And if you have religion you should know all about the marriage before intimacy, and all of that good stuff so i wont get into it.... But regardless of how many family members do it does not mean your meant for it.... And getting the rings and doing the vows, and the wedding wihtout actually doing it, i believe is very wrong.... What is the point of doing that if your not actually getting married?
It is up to you BOTH either way, but marriage should be taken seriously not as something so simple.
That is just my opinion take it how you want to.
2007-08-17 21:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by rockgirlfury 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it doesn't sound weird, but marriage does make a stronger commitment. Yes it matters that you love one another and want to be together...the question is do you want to be together for the rest of your life and if you do, then why not get married?
In the world it is not wrong...but according to God it is wrong to live together as man and wife without being married. So it is up to how ever you feel and what your belief system is.
2007-08-17 21:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by Fergy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong. However living together you have no guarantees that your partner isn't going to drain all the bank accounts and walk away leaving you with nothing but bills. At least with that marriage contract you are entitled to 1/2 half of the marital assets (as well as 1/2 half of the maritial bills), but living together you're not entitled to anything if there is a split. The only thing you can count on SLIGHTLY when you're just living together is if you have children and child support...but that isn't going to pay the mortgage, the water/sewer bills that isn't going to pay the phone bill or the internet bill or the cable bill, that won't pay for the gas or electricity, or all the groceries to feed the kids. It pays for almost 1/3 of what it costs to acutally run a household. In neither marriage or living together do you have guarantees that it's going to last for ever but at least in marriage you can walk away without losing everything...It's like they tell you in the military...cover your A S S
Question for Sweet Suzy, what about the people who don't WANT to get married for their entire lives...are YOU going to force them to miss out on the joys of sex simply because they're not married? Who are you to decide that?
2007-08-17 21:48:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whelp, I am in the same situation as you are describing. My hubby and I are not legally married but we are living together and he is my husband and I am his wife with or with out the paper work. We are happy this way and we have been this way for 6 years. Maybe one day we will get married but we don't need a ceremony to confirm anything for us.
If you look at it the divorce rate is so high and I have seen many couples last longer verse others that have gotten married.
Last of all its ultimately your decision and only you can say what you want. Best wishes
2007-08-17 22:14:15 · answer #5 · answered by mother of twin girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there is nothing wrong with living together. But it would be sooo wrong to get rings and have a wedding reception. That looks like you just want the presents without all the work. Just enjoy being with each other.
2007-08-17 21:48:24 · answer #6 · answered by lotus princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really think it's wrong to live with someone, but not to "play" at being married. What are you afraid of? If you're worried he won't commit to you, you shouldn't be with him.
If you're going to go through the trouble of getting rings and having a reception, add the legal contract to it. There are more benefits with a legal union of marriage than when two people just live together.
2007-08-17 22:26:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get married because you two love each other and want to take care of one another. and you want the kids ot be taken care of. did you know that if one of you were to die, life insurance may not be collected if you two weren't married (some life policies). if there is not life insurance, social security can't be collected for the children's benefit. it would go to the first wife instead.
getting married didn't matter either way to me. i still love my husband, even if i wasn't wearing these beautiful diamonds on my finger with the gorgeous wedding band that came with it. move in now, decide if you want to officialize it later in life at a later date. love doesn't have a deadline.
2007-08-17 21:49:54 · answer #8 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are certain benefits to being married, such as power of attorney and tax breaks and the like. However, no one should be able to define your living or love situation but you and your spouse. If YOU feel right living together without the legal ceremony, that is all that matters.
2007-08-17 21:44:59 · answer #9 · answered by Cheryl 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do what you both feel works for you .This life only can be experienced once.Enjoy what ever you decide to do.
Someone mention milk and cow? Do you even know how a cow gets milk? Got Milk?
2007-08-17 22:16:56 · answer #10 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋