I have been seeing the same man for over 2 years. We have traveled together but not lived in the same house.... He wants me to move in with him, but admits, when I asked him, "Do you love me?" that he is not sure he really loves me, since he has never felt all of what he thinks love ought to be about Toward any woman..... He was married 30 years to the same lady... I was married 20 to the same guy.
My question is, Would you move in with a man who, tho I am treated like a princess, isn't even sure he feels what I feel, which is love? Do some men just not love, but care deeply?
2007-08-17 14:15:35 · 21 answers · asked by ladyren 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think if you are treated very well and you love him that maybe by moving in together he will fall in love with you over time. Or it could work the opposite way and you will realize that you can't stand living together. You never really know someone until you live with them. It is all up to whether you are willing to take a risk or not.
As far as some men only being able to care deeply but not love, the answer is yes.
I think you both have "love" confused with being "in love"...if you love someone you care deeply...but being "in love" is a whole different story...I don't think this guy knows what "in love" is.
Obviously since he cares deeply for you he loves you at some level, but is not "in love" perhaps.
2007-08-17 14:35:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd wait. You can't let the man have his cake and eat it too. Your the one who is going to end up hurt. Set some boundaries honey! Id also say your just not moving at the same speed and he's scared. If I were you Id maintain my feelings for him but suggest seeing other people at this point since its been two years and he's not sure how he feels. Most men hang themselves that way. They sit on the fence for a while then realize if they don't do something they might loose the woman so they do the "lets move in thing" but their feelings haven't changed and they can go on like that for as long as they can drag it out. I realize your in love but you need to help him figure that out for himself. Don't give him everything on a silver platter when he can't reciprocate. If you don't want to settle for the "move in so I never have to examine my feelings or make a commitment thing" then you need to ask for what you need and set boundaries so that you don't blindly let yourself get taken advantage of. Besides most of the time you go on a few dates with a couple of other men and either it doesn't really affect him which means he isn't really in love and just likes the benefits of the relationship (which is what we fear) or they become insanely jealous (act like they aren't) but realize the fear of risking their vulnerability is a lesser pain then the thought of you being with someone else. That has a lot to do with their ego's too. But they also eventually realize they love you. That's the best advice i have. Every one knows the old saying if you love something set it free if it comes back it was meant to be. Well its true. I realize you fear loosing him but honestly do you really want to be with someone who doesn't truly love you. You deserve real love! And honestly so does he. If you really love him you will want that for him too. Well it's a big decision- I hope you figure it all out and make the best choice. A good rule of thumb with making wise choices. The wisest choice is usually the most difficult to make!Good Luck!
2007-08-17 21:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by sweet-stuff 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what his problem is. Is it the word "love"? He might have some bad experience, or strange idea what it means to him. Maybe he is feeling love, but doesn't want to call it that, or doesn't know to call it that.
Or it's possible he isn't able to love in the same way that most people are. There are some people who are emotionally damaged and have trouble with it.
You need to look at his actions. "Treating you like a princess" is good. Does he seem to be emotionally attached to you? Does he miss you when you're not around? When you're hurt or upset does it make him hurt/upset? That's the kind of connection you need for a good relationship.
Good luck, I hope it works out well for you.
2007-08-17 21:25:56 · answer #3 · answered by jendini 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would he lay down his life for you? If his answer is yes, then he probably does love you, he just doesn't know it or how to articulate it. Better question would be is, do you respect him enough to know that whatever leadership/guidance he gives you would be integrable enough for you to follow without questioning his judgment. If your answer is no, then I would rethink the relationship. Of course no one likes this answer, but why hasn't he asked you to marry him? If not then why put yourself in this vulnerable position? Wait until he is sure enough to actually make the commitment. By virtue of the fact that you are even asking these kinds of questions indicates to me that you sense something is not right. So my advice is, NO, don't move in with him, even though he may deeply care or even love. Wait until he is ready to fully commit and you are too.
2007-08-17 21:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by *Freedom* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy a cow when you can get milk for so cheap? if you move in with him, you are the free milk, and the worst part is this man is not even sure if he likes the milk for long term! It's not hard to love someone when you find the right person. and why is he not sure after two years??? You make the call. good luck.
2007-08-17 21:48:38 · answer #5 · answered by Discovery 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is a very serious thing and so is moving in. It does take a long time for love to happen between two people because both individuals have issues they need to deal with. Just do what you think is best.
2007-08-17 21:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by :) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you move in with him and want to get married, will he marry you? Just some food for thought.
If this man devoted 30 years of his life to another woman, chances are he will be very devoted to you. Ask yourself if that would be good enough for you.
2007-08-17 21:26:41 · answer #7 · answered by WilmaF 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would not move in with him. especially with him not knowing for sure if he loves you. if you do move in with him, he could easily change his mind, and want you to move out. and that would ruin everything you have between you. play it safe, stay in your own place. let him decide how he realy truely feels about you first. if he was married for 30 years, it might be difficult for him to really know for sure. at leastr he is honest in telling you he does not know. but it seems like he does really care about you. best of luck to you.
2007-08-17 21:25:23 · answer #8 · answered by della 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't, because it would be like being in love with your roommate. Do you want to put yourself through that? Unless you are comfortable with the situation (tho asking this question seems like you are not). Follow your gut.
2007-08-17 21:42:14 · answer #9 · answered by Cheryl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the big deal about moving in? If it doesn't work out, you can always move out and that's it. Appreciate the fact that he is being honest with you.
Move in, don't wait! Or you will miss the chance of your life.
2007-08-17 21:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋