A poem i wrote for a special person, i need you to read it and give brutal feedback. Be honest please!?

Question

Dearest Mom

Words are simple and unjust when trying to capture how I feel,
My love for you is truly that great, of which any ceiling is incapable to bound,
No mistakes, no missteps, no words tinged of threat make me hesitate to adore what you have accomplished,
My heart swells with pain when you hurt and brims with joy when you delight,
Your successes are my inspirations and your never-hold-your-head-down failures are my fuel to persevere,
I understand how much you try to mold me into the person who is the product of your ideals,
Just know in your soul, I try to be magnificent, even though I fall short of stellar and good feels,
To that of my imperfections, you are so forgiving, yet remain firm in your mission,
I will neither fail you nor waver in my determination when striving to be my best,
And you, perhaps the only person on earth, have the utmost faith in me and for that and so much more I lovingly promise to never bruise our tender affection

In the passage of life, we must search to recognize whom the people are we treasure with fond hearts,
While life is fated for terrible bouts of woes and colossal miseries,
Relationships are the lasting antidotes that provide timely doses of caring love,
I am glad that much search was unneeded and you are the one of hopefully many, deserving of my fondness

May you smile everyday day for the rest of your life 
I love you



Thank YOU FOR READING!

Answer 1

Your poem is of the greatest affection and I'm sure your mother will be extremely proud of any child who would take the time to write such an elequently poetic thank you. The only recommendations I'd make are to the very first lines...after that, you seem to settle down into a very comfortable stride. Here are the lines in question:

Words are simple and unjust when trying to capture how I feel, (very good line)

My love for you is truly that great, of which any ceiling is incapable to bound, (this is the weak one) "great" falls short and "of which any ceiling is incapable to bound" is
almost nonsensical...not found anywhere else in your beautiful poem.

perhaps...since this is what appears to be the case, you could just say, "My love for you is truly beyond eloquence, boundless to word or phrase" I think that captures your meaning and blends well with the following lines.

Again, fantastic write...she'll be very proud

Answer 2

Special Person Poem

Answer 3

To begin: the alternating stanza lengths without a [visible] reason is a bit jarring and confusing. #2: "Eyes are the window to the soul" HUGE and tired cliche! A relationship between the eyes and soul is also cliche. #3: No genuine imagery exist in this poem; and the ones which due are either cliche or flatter than Kansas. You consistently tell more than show. # 4: The word "that" is hardly, if ever, necessary. One is usually able to simply remove it without any detriment. Honestly, you should take this poem and stash it in a drawer somewhere for a bit of time (1-6 weeks). After said time, bring it out and look at it with new eyes. Then rewrite and revise.

Answer 4

Don't change a word. It's not perfection your mother seeks from you. It never was, nor will it ever be, perfection. What you give her in these words, spoken from your heart, unchanged, in the moment, is what she will hear best.

It's one thing to be eloquent and perfect. It's another to come across as who you are. And your mother knows who you are.

As you said, "and you, perhaps, the only person on earth..." tells me,and tells her, every word you speak will be true, or not. Give her the original you. That is all she ever wanted or would ask for. Don't cloud this up with perfection. Just be human. After all, she is human, too.

Margot

Answer 5

I like your poem, but more important any mother would be proud to have their child write such a loving glimpse of the view of a mother through a child's eyes. I would love to get such a poem from my offspring. I hope you have shared this with her.

Answer 6

That is way awesome dude, you definitely have great talent.. but.. if by any chance i am a girl who received your poem, and i do not like you... as in "like like" you.. i would totally think you're a stalker.. but if i was your girlfriend.. and like after we had a small quarrel.. and i got this poem.. (what more else can i say) it's just beautiful.

Answer 7

Oh My God that is so beautiful, Great job!