2007-08-17 13:08:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A step mom is just one more person to love those children. Children don't ask for the situations that their parents put them in. It is important that the step mom be respected by the mom and respectful to the mom. I also believe that if a step mom is to have a relationship with the children, it is up to the dad and mom to welcome that, but up to the step mom to pursue it.
2007-08-17 13:13:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every situation is different. In my situation, mom seems content to wish I'd drop off a cliff so as a stepmom I get no respect. I really don't ask for much, just a little acknowledgement that I do exist after 12 years. My stepdaughter is wonderful and very loving and accepting of all the people in her life--she has a mom/stepdad and a dad/stepmom and she's honestly been very patient with all of us. I know stepmoms, though, who are just awful to their stepkids and I fully understand why the kids don't like them or don't want to be around them.
What I would suggest is ask your husband. If you don't have to be parental--that may be a good thing. You can be a friend and do fun stuff with them without having to add the pressure of trying to tell them what to do. I was in a bad spot for several years because when my stepdaughter would visit my husband would still have to go to work and therefore the day to day stuff was left to me. You can't very well give a 4 or 5 year old the line "wait till your father gets home" every time some silly little thing comes up. It's hard. Good luck.
2007-08-20 07:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by AllGrownUp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband and let him know that you are confused about your role. You are their parent also, legally, and have a right to be respected and play an active role in decision making. If your husband is a good leader, he will encourage the children to respect and treat you with honor and obedience. Your husband should be the one to take control over the situation and also make sure the X-wife doesn't overstep her boundaries into your relationship with him and she needs to allow you authority as well. Obviously your part is to love and nurture the children as they were your own. Your role IS that of a mother. Not as a replacement, but as an additional one. Tough situation to be in.
2007-08-17 13:37:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't even see the need to call them stepmom or step dad.
The children didn't ask for them so why impose it onto them?!
On top of having to accept a new man/woman in the lives of the parent, they have to automatically put up with this??? Not fair!
This new person is just the new wife or husband. The kids should see them as a grown up friend, that's all. Respect for everyone, especially the kids. They are innocent bystandars.
2007-08-17 13:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the sidelines, to be ready to console, mediate or whatever other function the children decide they need her for. The stepmom can play an active role in the children's lives too, especially if she's on good terms with the kids.
2007-08-17 13:15:14 · answer #5 · answered by classic1957gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a person who's had several "steps," let me tell you what I have appreciated in a "step." Just be there. You will be disliked at first, but, if you are patient, you'll prove to the kids that you are important in your husband's life. Don't try to be the other mom. Be the friend. Eventually, they'll come around.
2007-08-17 13:36:00 · answer #6 · answered by justanotherone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is married to the dad.. that is all.. my kids do not call their step mom .. mom.. step mom is a title.. that is all it is..a STEP in another direction.. it might be a good step, and might be a bad step..My kids are ok with their step mom.. they dont care for her a lot because of the person she is, not because she is married to their dad.
2007-08-17 13:15:45 · answer #7 · answered by tootsie38 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a new friend... why does it always have to be so hard for people to accept.... we can have multiple aunts, uncles, neices and nephews, but god forbid if one of the parents gets married and is happy. if the child likes the stepparent... OMG, it's BETRAYAL! don't take on the role of discipliniarian at first anyways. just stand by your man and make joint decisions. let him enforce the rules.
best wishes
2007-08-17 13:14:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step mom has to realize that she has no or little authority and basically butt out. If she doesn't she will be caught in the middle. It is best to play nice and refer all issues to Dad.
2007-08-17 13:25:13 · answer #9 · answered by hooahwife 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In the middle of it all. Good luck. Just do your best.
2007-08-17 13:14:32 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋