I dated/lived with "Tom" for about 2yrs we even talked of marrage. We broke-up(he left me) the reason being "I don't want to be 40 and rasing a new born" he said(he was 37 and allready had a child from his last marrage) he knew i wanted to get married and have children of my oun.Well that was 5 yrs ago.I just found out from a friend who started to work in his office not only did he get married 1 yr ago but his "wife" is 5 months pregnant.Not only was this a wanted pregnancy but my freind tells me this is all Tom talks about with ultrasound pics all over his office of his unborn child.I can't help but feel so sad and empty.
2007-08-17 13:02:08 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sorry to hear. Pick up the pieces and move on. Could you imagine how "cheated" you would have been had you had his baby? It could have been worse, he could have left you high and dry. It just wasn't meant to be.
2007-08-17 13:08:48 · answer #1 · answered by kys 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh damn! I'm sorry, hon. Men can be really cruel sometimes, huh? What he was really saying was that he didn't want to have a child with you. That has got to be really painful on a whole other level!
I know he basically stomped all over your dreams of a life with him and only time will help ease some of it. The trick is, do NOT take what he's done as some sort of sign that something is wrong or bad with you. It's all him, baby and he doesn't deserve the sadness, tears or your pain over him.
It's funny how life works, what you put out, you get back in spades, you never know how it will come back on Tom, I can't promise it will go away tomorrow or the next day, but it won't last forever.
2007-08-17 20:10:59 · answer #2 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Im sorry. That sounds terrible and I know that if I were in the same situation, I'd probably feel the same way you do. He either thought at the time, that he really meant that, or, he used that as an excuse to get out of a relationship he wasnt happy in. I know its hard to feel anything but what you're feeling, but be glad he decided that before he got you pregnant, and left you alone to raise a child by yourself.
He wasnt the right one, but you'll find someone who is. And when you find that person you can have your baby and be the happy family that you wish for.
2007-08-17 20:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by Dani 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened to me about 8 years ago. After he got married and had a baby with his wife, we became good friends. and this is what he told me..................I wanted you to be the one. You had all the qualities I wanted and I loved being with you but something was missing. I could never figure it out. but I hung on thinking I could and then I could correct it and we would be happy. But it just didn't happen that way.
It could be that you had all the qualities but he just knew somehow that something wasn't right. But it wasn't you, it was him. What ever wasn't right was with him and not you.
Please try hard to let him go and move on. I think what you are feeling is normal but he actually saved you from a bigger heartache - divorce.
I moved on and found someone. I was very happy with him and we had a wonderful life together. (He passed away from cancer last year) I can look back now and say thank you to the other man.
2007-08-17 20:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by Susan G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know he lied to your face, but he may have had the best intentions( no guy would get in a 2 year relationship to leave a permanent scar in your heart)
there was probably another reason for him to leave you, maybe he thought he wasn't in love with you anymore and the 40 year old father thing was just an execuse (to do the least amount of damage to your heart rather than shattering it into a million by just saying " I'm not in love with you any more")
time heals all wounds
my heart is clean of scars for now
2007-08-17 20:13:36 · answer #5 · answered by mete 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this...... and I understand how you feel. People sometimes make up stupid excuses to break up with someone, and maybe that's the best he could find to put an end to your relationship without actually admitting he had other reasons to break it up. Or, maybe he changed his mind. You know, I have a friend who wanted nothing to do with kids and she even had an abortion some time in her youth, and now at 37 she was just dying to have a baby and did everything she could to get pregnant (now she is). She just changed her mind...... maybe he truly didn't want kids back then, and now he does. It happens. I don't think it has anything to do with you, and it was better that you didn't continue with that relationship because if he had agreed to have the baby just in order to please you but without really wanting to, it would have been worse for you AND the baby -- you guys wouldn't have been happy together, he would have felt resentful towards you for "making him do something he really didn't want / wasn't ready for". Of course it wouldn't have been that way, but he could have used this argument to leave you even later on (with the baby already, which would have been worse).
You know, my man is 47 yrs old and I'm 30. He already has 2 kids and swears he doesn't want to have anymore and that he's getting a vasectomy one of these days. He knows I don't want to have kids either, but then sometimes out of the blue he comes out with comments such as "oh, if we had a baby he would be really pretty, don't you think so??" or "if we have a baby boy you choose the name, but if it's a girl you let me choose it".................. ???????????? ........ hello..... he says he wants nothing to do with babies.... but who knows??? Maybe one day he will decide he does want another one (and I don't think it'll be with me cuz I don't want to..... or perhaps I can change my mind too??).
Don't take it personal, be happy for him and try not to have people come and tell you what he does with his life, that's not healthy for you. He chose to be with someone else -- so be it. You will be with someone better than him too... you weren't meant to be together and you have to get over him.
2007-08-17 20:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by Lprod 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's enough to make anyone feel miserable. Personally, you are better off without Tom since he is dishonest and probably not an ideal parent.
Suggestion - Let yourself feel sad and empty for a short time and then promise yourself to let it go. Then tomorrow, next week, or next year, whenever you start to feel the self-pity and emptiness, let yourself hold the feeling for about 5 seconds and then let it go away. Yes, the urge will pass quickly.
2007-08-17 20:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he was horsing around behind your back in the late stages of your relationship. Cheer up. You're not saddled with what would have been a cheating husband or an unattentive father. A clue of what kind of father he would have been is how he treated his last child. Pro'bly not so well. Forget about it, keep looking pretty and someone will be strolling up your path soon.
2007-08-17 20:12:41 · answer #8 · answered by My Final Answer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you need to know is the answer he gave you for breaking up with you was a lie. It was just easier than telling you the truth.
What you need to accept is the fact that you may never know why he broke up with you, and the knowledge would only hurt your feelings anyway.
The good news is if fate destined you two to be together, it would have happened. So the good news is the love of your life is still looking for you. Keep looking.
The even better news is he will treat you better than Tom ever would have.
2007-08-17 20:07:45 · answer #9 · answered by box of rain 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
its hard when u love someone and they give u reasons why they don't want to continue a relationship than u find out he is in a relationship with another and giving her everything u wanted, life isn't fair all of the time but don't let this breakup cheat u out of a life. this just wasn't the one for u, and u have to accept it so u can begin the healing process. the world isn't always going to be like we want it unfortunately, we just have to accept the things we don't quite understand. yes it is sad that the man u loved did this to u, but don't u believe that when one door closes another one opens? stay away from anyone who is involved with him, so u won't be hearing anymore things about him.
2007-08-17 20:14:38 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't waste your tears on a jerk like him...just tell yourself the TRUE: the problem was in him, not in you.But sometimes people change in a different relationship...you just have to accept the fact the he changed but not because you had a problem, or the fault was yours....it's just life turns to be diferent.You need to find yourself a decent man so you an recover from your past and Be happy has you deserve.(i just broke up with my boyfriend i thought i knew but i learned to not waste my tears on jerks.WE deserve to be happy!)
2007-08-17 20:09:56 · answer #11 · answered by Rute A 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋